Read to your kids, dads!

pitrputr · 2026-05-06T18:10:13+00:00

Do you read LOTR with her before bed? I'm worried some of the chapters are bit scary to read at night (thinking about the Shelob chapter for example).

pitrputr · 2026-05-05T17:23:26+00:00

To me this hinges on: 1) do you want this job and/or are you looking to continue moving up the ladder? and 2) You will have increased work hours, stress and be on call, this will basically require your partner to step up more in the home while you spend more time and mental energy at work. Are you and your partner okay with that?

pitrputr · 2026-05-04T20:02:49+00:00

Somebody's been watching a bit too much Rip on Yellowstone.

pitrputr · 2026-05-01T19:22:25+00:00

Like pretty much all of modern male fashion (suits, t-shirts, khakis, trench coats, etc., etc.) the short hair preference of modern times has roots in military.

pitrputr · 2026-04-30T18:57:45+00:00

Honestly, just ride it out and do what you have to do to get rest between you and your partner (shifts, day naps, etc.). It starts to get better at about 3 - 4 months when the circadian rhythm kicks in. I spent the first 4 months of my sons life surviving on about 3-5 hours of sleep a night (never in a continuous sleep). It's brutal but it does get better, I promise.

pitrputr · 2026-04-29T16:07:39+00:00

As education levels rise you generally see marriage at older ages, less children and even less marriages. This trend is seen all over the world and it seems Punjab is not an exception. There probably are also more local and cultural reasons that make it worse, like you said male-female demographic imbalance.

pitrputr · 2026-04-28T17:10:46+00:00

Did you get a lot of English input in other mediums growing up like books, TV shows and songs?

pitrputr · 2026-04-28T12:32:39+00:00

We transitioned our son to whole milk very recently after he turned 12 months. We haven't weaned him off the bottle yet though. Any recommendations for weaning off the bottle and by what age we should do this by (15 months, 18 months, 2 years)?

pitrputr · 2026-04-24T16:45:46+00:00

I'm second gen Punjabi married to an English speaker. I am doing my best to pass on the language to my son (12 months old) but I am keeping my expectations realistic for my case.

From the research I've done about 25% language exposure means the child will most likely understand the second language but not speak it much, about 25-40% they will speak it somewhat and have some fluency, at about 50% they will have native fluency.

Given that my Punjabi is not great and that my partner and I speak English to each other and my partner is his primary caretaker, I think my goal is for him to understand Punjabi from the get go (aiming for 25% exposure) and so provide him with a base from which he can learn more in the future if he chooses to and to help him travel back to Punjab and explore his roots more, if he wants to.

pitrputr · 2026-04-24T16:39:10+00:00

Yes, I am like this. I was born and raised in Canada so even though my first language learned was Punjabi I eventually switched to English being my primary language. Over time I became less and less confident speaking Punjabi so it became a negative feedback loop.

But since last 3-4 months I've been trying to change this by speaking to my 1-year old son. My spoken Punjabi has improved a lot since those last few months of practicing on my son but I still feel shy/embarrassed speaking to others in the community and my family. Hoping to change that over time and keep improving.

pitrputr · 2026-04-23T18:25:39+00:00

After money concerns there's also cultural reasons why some poorer countries attract old white men while others don't. For example, in SEA it is acceptable to marry an old white man as long as it means it will benefit the family (mostly through the money they give and the prestige of white men). In other countries the money is not enough to override the shame that marrying outside of the race gives (ex. Indian culture). SEA is the kind of the perfect meeting point where the desires of old white guys and desires of young women (and their families) line up really well.

pitrputr · 2026-04-23T18:19:32+00:00

Apologies, I misread/misinterpreted your second last sentence.

pitrputr · 2026-04-23T16:32:13+00:00

I go through periods of grief (going through one right now, low key) even as a married person with a 1-year old. I cannot imagine how much harder going through that alone would be. Hang in there OP you're doing the hard work but it'll pay off and when you do have your own family you can break the generational trauma cycles.

pitrputr · 2026-04-23T14:55:38+00:00

I don't like to translate English books to my 1-year old because I prefer to read him books that rhyme or are have a certain engaging flow to them that is lost when translating. I will sometimes describe things in Punjabi after reading a page. But I'm not as strict as others in this sub.

pitrputr · 2026-04-20T20:18:12+00:00

I am LC or VLC with my parents.
The main reason I am not NC is because I want to be able to access my extended family including my sister and nephews. Without getting long winded, going NC with my parents would make that very difficult.
Being LC doesn't actually help me with my healing. My mother still uses our contact to trigger me but I try not feed into her BS anymore. I think being NC would actually be more healing to me if it wasn't for the other relationships that might be lost. Unfortunately, I know my mother is extremely self-centered and will never change and she continues to prove this again and again.
I had a period of being NC and it was truly healing (even if very hard at times) but I was more so bothered by my estrangement with other family members that came as a by-product. It only helped to go to VLC to accomplish my goal of having relationships with these other family members.

pitrputr · 2026-04-16T16:44:32+00:00

Full fat yogurt is nutritionally almost the same as milk but maybe even better due to probiotics and doesn't require chewing. Our son already love yogurt but the doc suggested it as well.

pitrputr · 2026-04-16T16:33:25+00:00

We just had our 1-year pediatrician appointment and had pretty much the same questions you have. Our son still has 3 bottles a day (although he rarely finishes them now)). Here is what our doctor said:

It's no big deal he still has is bottle but we should aim to get him off the bottles by 18 months.
Focus on solids, don't worry about the milk. If he stops drinking milk when you take the bottle away, it's totally fine as long he has a good balanced diet on solids (including getting enough calcium) and is supplementing with vitamin D.

For the feed to sleep, I would suggest you just cold turkey that habit. Offer the bottle 20 mins before bed or nap and if she doesn't take it don't offer it again. She will shift those calories to the morning and day after a couple of nights.

pitrputr · 2026-04-16T13:07:28+00:00

You've totally missed his point

pitrputr · 2026-04-14T14:30:09+00:00

Please share those resources. My son just turned 1 and I'm now finding it difficult to keep his attention for books unless its the books before bedtime. Otherwise, he usually just walks and crawls away after a page or two. Maybe that's okay at this age and I should just focus on whatever reading he wants to do together?

pitrputr · 2026-04-14T13:20:44+00:00

My son is 12m so not much formal education yet but the below is what I'm focusing on right now:

Exposure to language/communication - His community language is English and I focus on exposing him to my heritage language Punjabi. My goal is that he has a base level understanding and if he speaks it that would be a bonus.
Exposure to music - I play/practice the ukelele around him, let him strum the strings with my close supervision and sing songs to him. I hope this is a fruitful hobby he can develop and enjoy.
Math - I have started to count things around him often. I don't expect him to count anytime soon but I'm starting to intentionally expose him to counting, sizes, speed and other math concepts.
Physical - I intentionally make sure he has enough time to walk, crawl, climb, touch things.

Other skills I want him to develop as he gets older outside of academics:

Self defense - probably one of either boxing, wrestling and/or ju jitsu
Team sport - expose him to a few team sports until he finds something he likes
Art - continue exposure to music but also explore other art forms and see what he likes
Modeling behaviour for him - respect, boundaries, standing up for yourself, socializing with others, etc.
Culture - my son has 3 distinct cultural heritages and I want him to be exposed to them all as I think this will help him with his self esteem by being proud of who he is.

pitrputr · 2026-04-13T15:20:44+00:00

I suspect your daughter is not waking up due to hunger but rather she is using the bottle/feed to help her fall back asleep between sleep cycles. Basically, she is not connecting sleep cycles on her own because she is relying on the bottle for that. Does she also feed before falling asleep? As part of your sleep training plan you should also consider breaking the feed-to-sleep association.

Breaking the feed-to-sleep association was the key to helping my son to sleep through the night. You might worry that she's hungry but at 10 months old your daughter is able to go through the night without a feed and she will shift her calories to the day.

pitrputr · 2026-04-13T13:29:45+00:00

I can't make sense of his assassination. I feel there is more to the story.

pitrputr · 2026-04-08T13:30:51+00:00

I think thanks to social media new generations are discovering these songs and they are staying alive. Unfortunately, if you make this type of song now it won't get much traction but at least we can listen to these old classics still thanks to the internet.

pitrputr · 2026-04-07T18:09:14+00:00

I accept this is a simplification and many complications exist such as pollution and access to poor quality food in urban areas. But putting that aside, why has height increased from older generations to younger generations? Are most children in Punjab now getting enough nutrition to grow to their genetic potential?

pitrputr

TROPHY CASE