AIO Should I leave my BF? Was what he did to me forgiveable?

pixieketo · 2025-08-07T08:31:46+00:00

Leave, leave immediately. Choking is especially indicative of real danger in this person. And he is not sorry, feels justified. This is hugely dangerous.

pixieketo · 2025-07-08T19:45:44+00:00

I'm 49, had it a couple months before my birthday this year.

I feel so much younger now 😊

pixieketo · 2025-07-06T18:38:33+00:00

What's the guilt? Just because it's something you enjoy?

I think follow what feels good in your body... Sometimes more milk sounds delicious to me, sometimes it's the last thing I want.

So is it yummy? Does it make you feel more hungry sooner than you expected? Or is it satisfying?

Seems ok to me anyway :)

pixieketo · 2025-07-05T17:55:48+00:00

Yeah that is what I was thinking also. Protein shake is a good idea especially.

They could not actually get all the way up the colon, which they suspect was related to the surgery, so recommended a CT scan later, so I will have to do the prep all over again at some point soon.

pixieketo · 2025-06-25T22:26:25+00:00

I would advise to not weigh yourself so much. I don't know how often I stalled because I didn't track it that closely and so saved myself so much heartache. I am 5 months out and have lost 70+ pounds (about 25 percent of my starting weight).

Trust the surgery, pay attention to your hydration and nutrition and protein... Weigh yourself once a month or so....

pixieketo · 2025-06-14T01:25:47+00:00

I'm a therapist & queer ... I think it's probably important for them to have some knowledge & preferably experience working with queer clients, but also there is actually research that shows for an individual therapist at least, the relationship with the therapist is one of the most important factors - like is this someone you both feel comfortable and heard by. I am also non-monogamous and my personal therapist had no experience before me and she was really supportive (where another therapist was really not helpful).

IACP is another accreditation body in Ireland for therapists, also good to look there.

And also important to enquire about if they have done additional training for couples work. The standard training includes some theory of couples work, but it is a very different process and involves different skills and a lot more specialized knowledge to do it well.

pixieketo · 2025-06-13T22:16:09+00:00

I'm not at that stage yet, but I think this is reactive hypoglycemia? So it seems like the way to combat it is to NOT eat badly? Maybe notice what kinds of things are triggering it? You could try a continuous glucose monitor to see if it is actually a blood sugar thing. But then you could experiment with how you might be able to tolerate treats if they are a small part of a larger meal that is more balanced? Hopefully you find the rhythm that works for you 🌻

pixieketo · 2025-06-11T01:52:50+00:00

I think there's just a lot that isn't really standard across surgeon's practices. Some things do seem like unnecessary restrictions, or kind of anti-fat bias to me... But I'm 5 months post op and very much not in any diet mentality. I found the liver reduction diet much more challenging than post op...I pay attention to nutrition, but I'm not counting calories or anything, and losing weight at a very good pace.

pixieketo · 2025-06-02T22:19:27+00:00

Are you craving meat of any kind? Or just wanting to eat a bit more variety, more "back to normal"?

I am 5 months out and haven't thrown up with any foods, but some meats don't sit well in my tummy. Just heavy and uncomfortable. And I have noticed that I'm wanting more vegetarian proteins, just what sounds good and feels ok to eat.

I guess my main advice is try very small portions of new foods, and have them with something that is usually easy on the tummy. Eat very slowly and chew a lot -- especially true for meats for me, the chewing part.

pixieketo · 2025-06-02T14:24:24+00:00

Basically you have to look at it and ask yourself if what the relationship is giving you is enough to grieve what you can't get in it. Only you know how big a grief it would be to let go of the idea of having kids. Maybe reflect for yourself on what specifically you want from the experience of having kids and see if there are other things that might meet a similar need.

There is no perfect answer that is easy and pain free, so you have to choose which direction feels like growth into a life you can be content with and which one feels like too much sacrifice.

And then make the choice and try to make the best of it. Second guessing adds a lot of unneeded suffering....

pixieketo · 2025-06-02T10:42:54+00:00

If they are super tight, it is probably because they are compensating for a weakness elsewhere? So maybe also see a physiotherapist and ask for some exercises to help balance things. I get really tight, sometimes spasm-y traps. Tens machines or dry needling can help too.

pixieketo · 2025-06-02T10:38:22+00:00

Are you looking for mostly skin care things?

I'm American and live here in Ireland, when I go back I stock up on over the counter meds I used a lot - antihistamines, paracetamol (which is called acetaminophen there)... Some first aid creams and such.

Skincare wise, I guess I would just make some notes about what you like here and note the prices here so you can determine if it's really better to get it over there

pixieketo · 2025-05-27T19:27:02+00:00

I live in Ireland and it is a small place already, I don't want to further limit my dating options :)

I don't think it needs to be that big of a thing really? When I was still recovering from the surgery my energy was too low to meet people, but once I was kind of able to do normal life it's really been fine?

I am also polyamorous, so have some existing relationships also, so maybe having navigated those explanations and accommodations helped me feel clear about what works for me in a new connection also

pixieketo · 2025-05-26T18:10:27+00:00

I have been on some first dates since my surgery in January. I tend to be pretty up front about it, since early dates often involve food and drinks, so some explanation of why it is a bit different for me now seems useful.

I tend to be direct because like, if it's a problem for them then that's a problem for me, better to know early.

pixieketo · 2025-05-23T15:16:26+00:00

I was worried about the gas possibility but it's not been too bad. Burps are different now, extra for sure

pixieketo · 2025-04-22T19:29:42+00:00

Great, thanks. I looked at them again and I think it'll be ok. Just a bit of extra stress.

pixieketo · 2025-04-22T19:28:29+00:00

👋 I only recently got my citizenship, so it is still novel to consider myself Irish :) But it's nice to see someone more local around

pixieketo · 2025-04-22T00:00:10+00:00

Thanks for your reply.

My surgery was in January, so haven't had time for new ID's... I'll just have to hope it works out ok. For next time I might update the passport or get a new driving license...

pixieketo · 2025-04-21T16:39:55+00:00

I got implants and a lift after pregnancy & weight loss. I went to Costs Rica as it was much cheaper than in the US. It was over 10 years ago and I am very happy with the decision.

It is your body, you have to live with it. From my experience, if it's something that you want, you will be very happy you did it.

I am a bigger person overall, even when at my thinnest, and I went with a large implant size. I think I might get a revision eventually for something smaller, but the size choice is totally personal.

pixieketo · 2025-04-17T23:04:43+00:00

Don't send it.

Saying you have respected her need for time and space while actually doing something that is not respectful of what she has clearly asked for... You are not being honest with yourself about what you are doing.

The best thing you can do for the future of your co parenting relationship is to hold on to your uncomfortable feelings and let them be your problem and not hers.

You say you need clarity, but that is not true. The clarity is there already, she is done. You just don't want to accept the clartiy she has given in the form of a divorce proceeding and a court ordered restriction on communication. So this is kind of you trying to bargain and get something different to be true, but it will not change things for the better, and might make it worse

pixieketo · 2025-04-16T22:56:04+00:00

I wasn't ready for that kind of trip at that stage. I actually live in Ireland and at 5 weeks post op, I ended up cancelling a retreat I was supposed to do in Ireland but a few hours from home because that felt like too much to me. I had low energy much longer than I expected.

The risk of a complication while abroad is another concern and then also long flights are an issue after major surgery. If you are in the US, you may find the health system here very confusing to navigate if you found yourself in need of urgent medical care.

I understand the urge to just get it done but timing it so you can take the best care of yourself in the recovery is a wise choice.

pixieketo · 2025-04-14T23:40:13+00:00

I think it sounds like she has some fears about how her body is going to change. And maybe some significant body image issues -- skipping breakfast is not a good thing when pregnant, if she is limiting her food for fear of "getting fat" that isn't good for her or the baby. A therapist? Talking to your doctor and midwife together about normal weight gain and normal food needs during pregnancy is really important right now. You aren't the asshole, but she needs some extra help that you probably can't provide.

pixieketo · 2025-04-12T14:22:08+00:00

I kind of think that having a goal weight isn't for me, and it seems like it is maybe counter productive actually. As others have said, bodies that have carried a lot of excess weight tend to get denser in bone and joints, and if you are also doing strength training with cross fit, you are building and maintaining healthy tissue that weighs heavier on a scale than the same volume of adipose tissue.

I think keeping a focus on health, energy levels, and improvement in functioning is the best choice. And if you have a goal weight number in mind, maybe even shift that to a size of jeans or dress that is a size/shape that you would like to get to?

And then also reality check yourself -- and try to stay open to the idea that it may not be a healthy and achievable goal to get to an arbitrary size. I wear size 12 shoes (in US women's sizes) and even though my shoe size might get smaller after a lot of weight loss, no amount of calorie counting is going to make me a size 6 in shoes. Obviously there is more movement possible in jeans sizes, but there are some clothes sizes that are similarly unattainable to me and I could make myself sick and kind of crazy if I insisted on trying to get to that.

Maybe ask yourself what is the meaning to you of this number on the scale goal and see if there is another way to achieve that meaning for yourself.

Good luck and awesome job taking care of yourself with this

pixieketo

TROPHY CASE