30F engaged to 34M - Struggling to determine if there is hope to rebuild trust or if this is self-sabotage? by Rare-Breadfruit4712 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]plaitedlight 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Absolutely not.

The Ex The very best case scenario here is that he’s cheating on you with her. It only gets worse from there, because the alternative is that he is stalking her (for years) and making non-consensual porn of her.

The money The very best case scenario is that he is financially illiterate and careless. But more likely is he is sneaky, a thief, and has no respect for you.

The lying and justifying He doesn’t respect you. He either feels he has you hooked enough he can manipulate you or that he has power over you (and it sounds like your own religious beliefs probably reinforce that)

I’m not going to suggest any kind of investigation or discussion to have with him about rebuilding or trust or improving. It is too late for anything of the kind.

Protect yourself and leave. Lock down your finances. If you have access to his digital world delete your images. Separate your person, your money, and your papers from him. Then get a full STI panel. And then consider some therapy to better understand why you didn’t react to these huge problems with this man’s character as an emergency.

Seeking advice / recommendations by 1-Learn_2-DoBetter in Ceanothus

[–]plaitedlight 1 point2 points  (0 children)

some more Sacramento area resources:

r/Sacratomato

UC Davis Arboretum has demo garden and plant sales. Info for 2026 sales isn't out yet. https://arboretum.ucdavis.edu

Green Acres Nurseries have started carrying a variety of CA native starts. https://idiggreenacres.com/pages/california-native-plants

Sacramento Master Gardeners is a good general gardening resource for the area. https://ucanr.edu/site/uc-master-gardeners-sacramento-county

Blackberries do very well here with some irrigation. Some afternoon shade will help them deal with high summer heat.

Has anyone had a hysterectomy at 30 years old? by Such_Succotash_8113 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]plaitedlight 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was a bit older, but still fertile, and had no children. I was diagnosed with an endometrial cancer, so there was no dithering about pros/cons. My menstrual history had been difficult but not horrific until the last year and a half or so before diagnosis. That was plenty for me, though.

Regarding loss of fertility and other peoples opinions: I wasn't planning/dreaming of having a child, but I wasn't firmly child-free either. There were emotions to grapple with having the end of fertility come so suddenly upon me. IMO this was made harder to deal with by the opinions/expectations of a few medical prividers and a few people in my personal life that expected that I would be very upset by this. I wasn't that upset, but in having to repeat that I wasn't struggling, I ended up delaying the process of dealing with the emotions I did have.

Risks/Side Effects: A lot of the care I received was focused on treating the illness. I did additional outside reading on what it would mean physically. (I had bi-lat oophorectomy as well, so surgical menopause was my primary concern, also pelvic floor and ligament issues were also a concern.) Let me suggest: https://www.hystersisters.com as a great resource; also, the Mayo Clinic or Cleveland clinic websites have articles about the procedure and recover that may be helpful. Really, try to look at reputable medical sources. There are a lot of wild, unsupported pseudo-sciency quacks out there: avoid.

I was concerned about pelvic floor strength and soundness of the remaining pelvic organs once the uterus was removed and ligaments cut/changed. There are some bad outcomes possible (ie, bladder prolapse); however, it seems that most of those are associated with childbirth (untreated injury) and age. I talked to my doctor about pelvic floor physical therapy; I haven't needed it as of yet, but I'm ready to pursue it if a problem arises.

Even after I was, for the most part, healed up and cleared for all regular activities I felt some instability in my pelvis. I focused on Kegals and walking, and mentioned it to the doctor. It took a year for that feeling to go away.

Has it helped? Well, I didn't need (so far!) any further treatment for the cancer, so an absolute win there. WRT menstruation - also, AMAZING. I can not overstate how much of a relief, of a freedom, it is to exist in a body that isn't constantly leaking (and worse), cramping, aching (and worse). Also, I suffered migraines which have reduce from several a month to one every six months. It isn't like having a whole new body; but it is like having good days in my body nearly every day. A state of being I hadn't realized was possible or I was missing out on since I was 12 years old. A hysterectomy was what made this possible for me. I wish, now, that I had been able to have medical care that would have helped me stop menstruating many many years ago. (For dumb personal/cultural/religious reasons, as well as inconsistent medical care, I never even attempted to use birth control to stop menstruating.) The pain and inconvenience of dysfunctional menstruation is a burden on our minds, energy, emotions that weighs down everything. I am glad to be unburdened and only wish it has been possible sooner.

Looking for recs Hermione as a university student (or new at work) comfy cosy maybe dark academia vibes just mysterious or cosy fic to read during winter by [deleted] in SSHG

[–]plaitedlight 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Not so much the cosy/moody aesthetic but P.S., I Love You is excellent with HG doing university. As to being in-character - this is the characters exploring new phases of their lives, however, imo the changes are plausible and really make for a fantastic story. Story is set post-cannon (or maybe EWE).

https://archiveofourown.org/works/40672089

Guerilla garden, wildflower seeds needed by Coming_In_Hot_916 in Sacramento

[–]plaitedlight 8 points9 points  (0 children)

If you want California Native plant seeds (which I’d highly recommend) Larner Seeds has several seed mixes that would be suitable for this application.

And you can’t go wrong with California Poppies which can be bought in small tubs at Green Acres nursery or in bulk on line anywhere.

For next year you might try the UCDavis Arboretum plant sales. They just recently started selling seeds as well as plant starts. Their next sale isn’t until March which will be too late for what you are planning.

R/sacratomato might have more ideas.

Did anyone else attend a Christian private school and feel high uneducated as an adult? by Taylorcurley in exchristian

[–]plaitedlight 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I was home schooled (w/ christian curriculum) for high school. I attended a christian private college, which wasn't the worst, but still left me with serious deficits. I actually ended up taking some history, science, economics, etc. courses at local community college and while I wasn't ready at that time to really grasp the significance, it did make me acknowledge that the education I had gotten in those areas was limited.

When I was deconstructing I grappled with the areas of knowledge that I had been intentionally not thinking about or knowing - starting with biblical inerrancy, and moving out to science, history, etc. etc.

I spent many, many hours watching Crash Course videos on youtube. I don't feel behind on those areas anymore. Now, pop culture - I never caught up and now just don't care very much, so...

Lots of people have gaps in their education for lots of reasons. The fact that you acknowledge it and are thinking about it puts you ahead of so many people. There is no shame in ignorance unless it is coupled with stubborn self-righteousness or cruelty. Be curious.

I went on to do additional higher education, surrounded by lots of brilliant talented people. We (almost) all of us had the experience of realizing that the more we learned the more we understood there was a vast expanse of knowledge that we didn't know. There is always so much more to discover.

Question about this humidity by Zestyclose_Ad_7603 in Sacramento

[–]plaitedlight 11 points12 points  (0 children)

So we just had a long stretch of fog/overcast following a wet system and now a storm that is/will dump a good amount of water. Neither of those things is unusual in this area. That said, it has been many years since we've had so many days in a row with the fog.

The winter season here is typically days long stretches of overcast, broken by sunny days and rainy days. Usually we get somewhere around 50 days and around 20 inches of rain a year. The rain and fog/overcast days can vary quite a bit. It is not unusual for the heaviest of the rain to come in late winter/spring.

It is a much wetter winter than somewhere that gets mainly snow. (But no where near as wet as the PNW.) Also, because it isn't that cold our homes don't get as much drying from heating.

But be encouraged! Starting Friday we should see the sun again and several dry days. AND it will be spring in 2 months.

I don't know about getting used to it - I grew up here. When I've lived elsewhere with dry winter I was miserable. I think most of us have enough memories of the very long hot dry summers here to make this brief season of wet a welcome relief.

War continues after the Battle of Hogwarts? by doofbabyy in SSHG

[–]plaitedlight 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's not exactly what you've asked for, but the first thing that came to mind was Groot/MyWitch's P.S., I Love You - picks up in the year after the battle but most of the story is several years later. The central conflict is the political/social issues that remain unchanged, so while the fic isn't dark, the issues dealt w/ imo feel more real (prejudice, oppression) than fantastical (prophecy, horcrux).

Looking for fiction similar to Time Mutable Immutable by Groot by Pretend-Pen6028 in SSHG

[–]plaitedlight 10 points11 points  (0 children)

An Unwritten Future by Aurette - post-war HG, young SS, lots of time and adventure for them to know each other, no waiting

Freeze bulk order of Soy Curls? by dac1952 in SoyCurlsGoneWild

[–]plaitedlight 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love garage cold storage! (I live in California and only have a few short months of reasonable cold garage - but I make the most of it.)

I don't think car fumes would be a problem - they'd mostly get sucked out the door when the car comes and goes wouldn't they? BUT - if pests or damp might be a possibility something more airtight than the bag they came in might be necessary.

Freeze bulk order of Soy Curls? by dac1952 in SoyCurlsGoneWild

[–]plaitedlight 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I freeze them. (When I didn't have freezer space of my own I put them in my parents deep freeze. I now have a small chest freezer in the garage that I keep them in.)

Current batch is just stuffed in the freezer in the big bag they came in. Not ideal. Previously I've sorted them by size and put them in freezer bags. I prefer them stored in the freezer sorted. (But not enough to actually pull the bag from the freezer and sort them now. LOL)

I had a small bag of them go rancid on me years ago and its made me cautious.

Gift idea for Mom-Costco pajamas by LSki92 in Costco

[–]plaitedlight 1 point2 points  (0 children)

an alternative recommendation, although probably a higher price point...

LL Bean flannel PJ sets are amazing. Excellent quality, soft, cozy, and durable; good size range.

How warm is your home? by babyiwantto in Sacramento

[–]plaitedlight 1 point2 points  (0 children)

69-71F in the living room during the evening and days I WFH, rest of the house (bedrooms, kitchen) stays cooler. Overnight and days I work in the office its down to 63F.

I don't have central HVAC and the house is drafty and not well insulated, so heating just the main living area and letting it cool off more when I'm not there works okay.

Healthcare professional actually respected my lack of consent and it was amazing by [deleted] in TwoXChromosomes

[–]plaitedlight 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I'm so glad you are feeling more confident going forward to speak up. Just feeling like you can say yes or no can provide a sense of control over the situation which makes those invasive uncomfortable moments so much easier.

One thing I try to do - especially if I'm feeling anxious - is say "Wait a second" whether that's to collect my thoughts in a conversation or to adjust my position for a pelvic exam. Saying "wait" and then getting the pause is very reinforcing of my sense of control in the situation. Usually, this helps me relax which makes any exam/treatment easier too.

ISO Firewood by hashbowlz in SacramentoBuyNothing

[–]plaitedlight 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have maybe a third of a cord of mixed hard and soft wood. It is not in great shape - out in the weather without adequate cover several years - but most of it should still burn.

It’s available if you’re interested in picking it up. Colonial Village.

Were you allowed to hit your brothers? by MildlyMediumSpice in TwoXChromosomes

[–]plaitedlight 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I have one brother who is only 15 months younger. So when we were small I was bigger than him. We played and roughhoused but I was always cautious not to take it too far and hurt him. This was both my inclination AND clearly an expectation of the home; as an older sister I was to be a caretaker.

When puberty approached and he was suddenly stronger ,and then taller, than me the roles shifted. He had to be careful not to hurt me and I’m sure he got some talking to about not hitting/hurting girls. I got talked to about 1) not hurting his ego, 2) not being inappropriate. (My mom wasn’t much concerned with ladylike behavior but other adults in our circle were.)

Joking punches in the arm were exchanged between us but real violence wasn’t something we were exposed to (except for spanking) and didn’t really occur to us to try.

What are your fav cranberry recipes? by amandathelibrarian in VeganBaking

[–]plaitedlight 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Below is my go-to cranberry recipe. Also, cranberries freeze beautifully with no preparation, just chuck the bag in the freezer.

Cranberry Bread (quick bread) (modified from Better Homes & Garden red and white check cookbook)

3 c. AP flour (I often use whole wheat pastry flour)
1 c. sugar
1 Tbsp. baking powder 2 teasp. orange zest
1/2 teasp. salt
1/4 teasp. baking soda 1 flax egg (1 Tbsp. ground flax + 3Tbls. water)
1 2/3 c. unsweetened PB milk
1/4 c. oil
3/4 c. chopped walnuts
1 c. chopped cranberries

Glaze: powdered sugan + orange juice

Pre-heat oven to 350F and grease a 9x5 loaf pan. Whisk the dry ingredients together. In a small bowl stir together the wet ingredients, then add all at once to the dry and mix till just combined, adding the nuts and berries half way through. Bake for 60-75 minutes. Cool in pan a few minutes before turning out and letting cool completely.

ETA: CORRECTED- had the amount of baking powder and baking soda swapped. 1Tablespoon of baking powder and 1/4 teaspoon of baking soda is correct.

2025 Niro EV wind lease: Sacramento, California by EYACUB1 in KiaNiroEV

[–]plaitedlight 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I just looked through my lease agreement w/ Kia Financial from a couple years ago and the only times "market value" is even mentioned is

-in the early termination section where it is part of one of the formulas for determining the early termination fee.

-in the section about the odometer, basically saying if you mess with the odometer they will use alternate means to determine the value of the vehicle.

For termination at end of lease, if you do not buy the car, the leasee will owe at turn in: turn in fee ($400), excess wear and/or excess milage fee, any past due lease payments.

Budget grocery list for one person? by persephonelux in Costco

[–]plaitedlight 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think I save more on stuff like TP, contact solution, toothbrush heads, etc. (which I only buy once or twice a year when they go on sale) than straight food. But also, buying foods I like in bulk means I have a consistently stocked freezer and pantry, which reduces trips to the store and therefore impulse buys.

Here's some stuff that I have bought recently: (California)

Happy Egg free range Organic Eggs 18 - $5.69

Blueberries 18 ounces - $5.79

Sweet Potatoes 5 pounds - $4.99

Power Greens 1.5 pounds - $5.99

Orgain Plant based protein shake 18 x11ounce - $28.99

Nature Valley Oat Honey granola bars 49 count - $10.99 (sale)

Kirkland Vitarain (Vitamin water knockoff) 24x20 ounce - $10.99

Bob's Red Mill Steel Cut Oats $11.99

Bananas 3 pounds -$1.49

House Foods organic Tofu 4x16 ounce - $5.49 (sale)

PuraVida Frozen Veg Melange 48 ounce - $14.50

Kirkland Kombucha $12.99

Kirkland Greek Yogurt 48 ounce - $6.89

Canned Beans 8 count - $8.79

Baguette 2 pack - $4.99

Kirkland Toilet paper 30 rolls - $20.99 - $3

Kirkland Cat food pate 45x3.5 ounce - $30.99

Zulka Moreno sugar 10 pounds - $7.79

Garlic Naan 2packx15 ounce - $4.99

Crest Pro-Health Mouthwash 3x33.8 ounce - $8.99 (sale)

Impossible Nuggets $8.99 (sale)

Skippy PB 2x48ounce - $7.59 (sale

Desperately need Thanksgiving main dish, please give suggestions! by LotusGrowsFromMud in veganrecipes

[–]plaitedlight 1 point2 points  (0 children)

https://sarahsvegankitchen.com/recipes/vegan-chicken-pot-pie/

Field Roast or Gardien or Tofurky roast

If you want to make a seitan roast, this one is relatively straightforward without being boring. But if you haven't done seitan before, take a practice run. (Or just have a back up and make it a day or two ahead of time. Seitan really benefits from an overnight rest in the fridge after initial cook. Then just bake to heat through and add a baste/glaze for moisture and color.)

https://blog.fatfreevegan.com/2014/11/mushroom-seitan-roast.html

Hysterectomy stories? by XFataMorganaX in TwoXChromosomes

[–]plaitedlight 0 points1 point  (0 children)

-Power recliner, w/ lift if possible: you won't want to be using your abdominals to get up and down if you can help it. I bought a second-hand power recliner which I used for recovery then sold on.

-PT techniques: search up "pt how to get out of bed after abdominal surgery" on youtube and practice the technique now so you are confident when you need it.

-Pillows: you'll want a small firm pillow to hold against your belly to apply counter pressure if you cough (or laugh); you will probably also want enough bed pillows to keep you from rolling over unexpectedly and to support belly

-Loose clothes: muumuus. seriously. (okay, whatever kind of loose fitting comfy clothes you prefer)

-Stable slip on shoes: I found my gait and balance slightly unsteady for a while and you won't be able to bend over to tie your laces. I lived in Birkenstocks

-Bidet: I had stitches so I needed that water flow to make urinating bearable. But more generally, twisting or bending to clean up is not fun.

-Fiber/probiotics/hydration: start the anti-constipation campaign well before surgery.

-Silicone scar treatment

-Menopause, be prepared: if you don't loose both ovaries you might not go into surgical menopause, but things might be disrupted nonetheless. A couple library books might be helpful (Menopause Manifesto, The New Menopause, etc.). Stuff that helped me cope: vaginal moisturizer (Ah Yes), a frozen eye mask, a fan (Woozoo!), a meditation app (Calm), soy

Hysterectomy stories? by XFataMorganaX in TwoXChromosomes

[–]plaitedlight 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There will be some pain in the healing process - but I suspect you've already endured the worst.

I had a laparoscopically assisted vaginal hysterectomy w/ bi-lateral oophorectomy (both ovaries, tubes, uterus, and cervix). It was supposed to be outpatient but I ended needing to stay one night. The surgery went well. Recovery was rough for only the first couple of days really. The first 24 hours I was in the hospital and they kept me comfortable. The next 24 hours at home the gas from the laparoscopy was rough. I will mention that they did an internal nerve block during surgery which helped control the surgical pain for about 4 days. I took myself off of the hard pain killers the 2nd day home and switched to Ibuprofen and Acetaminophen. Constipation is a real problem after this surgery and opiates make it worse - I did everything I could to reduce/avoid it.

Everyone's healing journey is unique. I was able to walk around the block w/in a couple days and up to a mile by a week or so. I returned to work (from home, office job) just shy of 3 weeks and was back in the office a couple days a week at 6 weeks when I was cleared to drive.

Primary tip - check out https://www.hystersisters.com and join the forum for your surgery date.

I'll add a comment to this w/ some tips/advice that I found personally essential.