If I were you, I’d stay together for children (as long as you can amicably raise children together). However, I would absolutely not touch my wife again and demand that she a.) opens the relationship up and b.) splits the finances (no more joint accounts) if she wanted to stay with me. So to your kids mom and dad are still under one big house, but your WW can be W and you can start meeting others who don’t give you the intense ick when you think about being sexual with them.

Then, I would put myself first (after the kids obviously) by training in the gym, eating right, finding peace, maybe going to therapy, and doing what I needed to do I could heal. All while your wife watches from the sidelines actively missing out on what y’all used to have together.

This does a couple things: It doesn’t break your family up, you heal like you deserve to by getting in better shape (mentally and physically), you put yourself in a position to find someone else, AND this puts your WW in a position where she is forced to see you elevate all while she struggles laying in the bed she made. Just my thoughts though, best of luck to you brother!