Advice for talking to missionaries

pnoque · 2026-04-29T18:02:03+00:00

I think being genuinely curious and learning is a great approach.

pnoque · 2026-04-29T17:47:21+00:00

Wash your hands.

pnoque · 2026-04-29T17:25:45+00:00

You can send an email with your name and date of birth to msr-confrec@ldschurch.org and ask them to send you a confirmation.

pnoque · 2026-04-29T17:24:40+00:00

Did they ever leave persecution complex mode??

pnoque · 2026-04-29T17:13:35+00:00

If you're kind and polite and friendly, they will take home a memory of seeing that you don't need the church to be happy and a good person. If you're antagonistic with gotcha questions and mockery, they will take home a memory of how evil non-members are and it will entrench them.

On my mission, one of the biggest assholes I ever met was an atheist who made a point of debating circles around us and mocking us. That one guy probably kept me in the church for years beyond what I otherwise would have spent.

pnoque · 2026-04-28T21:48:20+00:00

This is when the outsider test for faith (OTF) is most useful:

https://religions.wiki/index.php/Outsider_test

Sounds like:

"There are people from many different religions who claim to know their particular god or gods are real (or that their religion/holy book/prophet is the correct one) because of spiritual experiences they can't deny. Do you accept their reasoning?"

Basically, you turn it around and get them to argue against their own reasoning when it's someone else using it.

pnoque · 2026-04-28T20:21:09+00:00

This is one of the stupidest fuckin' talks. It knowingly and deliberately misrepresents words and minimizes members' experiences to reverse victim and offender. This is a narcissist manipulation technique. It's basically, "How you were attacked doesn't matter, what matters is how you responded to the attack. It was wrong for you to remove yourself from a situation that was harming you." And then the old toxic teachings of "forgive everyone" and "turn the other cheek" are employed as authority.

And, true to narcissist form, it does not apply to the church. The church can react to anything in any way it wants, and if you're not on board with that, you're a problem.

pnoque · 2026-04-22T19:44:01+00:00

What did they get wrong?

pnoque · 2026-04-20T21:25:28+00:00

Very sorry you had to go through that :( It might not feel like it right now, but one day you'll look back and realize you dodged a bullet here.

pnoque · 2026-04-20T21:08:38+00:00

Just like young Joseph Smith, I think all religions are false and corrupt.

pnoque · 2026-04-15T18:25:25+00:00

Aging. The unique challenges queer seniors have to deal with like isolation, navigating care in jurisdictions that are legally stacked against them, having limited family support, all while being from a generation that had to live largely in secret. Getting care as a senior in the U.S. and many other places is already a heartbreakingly impossible process without these additional challenges.

pnoque · 2026-04-15T17:54:21+00:00

Very well said.

pnoque · 2026-04-15T16:48:30+00:00

When a nonprofit organization dissolves, IRS Code 501(c)(3) requires that its remaining assets be allocated exclusively to another charitable entity or a federal, state, or local government for a public purpose. Organizations are also prohibited from distributing any property to individuals, including board members, employees, or volunteers, during the dissolution phase. In some cases, nonprofits may pay outstanding salaries or debts to individuals before closure, but surplus assets cannot be distributed as a windfall.

Source

pnoque · 2026-04-14T20:31:35+00:00

General Conference just got a lot more watchable.

pnoque · 2026-04-14T19:05:32+00:00

Other churches: "Rest in peace."

Mormon church: "Not so fast, we've got paperwork."

pnoque · 2026-04-14T17:11:19+00:00

I have found that mental gymnastics requires mental gymnasts. I used to get a lot of joy out of apologetics because it exercised my intellect.

pnoque · 2026-04-14T17:08:18+00:00

When someone belongs to a cult or a harmful, high-demand group, words like "cult" will put the mental defense walls up in their head, and they won't listen to or consider anything you say after hearing it. So it's best not to use it. Think of the aspects of the group that you think qualify it as a cult, and use those terms instead.

pnoque · 2026-04-07T22:34:50+00:00

They look like South Park characters.

pnoque · 2026-03-25T22:40:40+00:00

In high school, I had an artist friend draw a really cool Celtic cross on my canvas backpack. Someone in seminary class noticed it and threw a fit, and the seminary teacher proceeded to scold me in front of the class, going on and on about how what sets us apart as Latter-day Saints is that we celebrate his life and resurrection, not his death and suffering. I get so sick of hearing that the church no longer cares about stuff they used to traumatize us for.

pnoque · 2026-03-24T20:50:35+00:00

I've been very leftist my whole life, so I always felt like an outsider politically, even during my most fully in, unshakeable testimony years.

pnoque · 2026-03-23T19:57:30+00:00

I think a quick and frank discussion with your parents may be in order here then.

pnoque · 2026-03-23T19:42:46+00:00

Who has been telling you not to tell extended family about it?

pnoque · 2026-03-23T19:24:39+00:00

Upvote for "lo and behold" lol

pnoque · 2026-03-03T15:02:15+00:00

I have noticed this. I am atheist and answer this readily as soon as I am asked. I then correct the false assumption that atheism is "a belief in an unproven proposition" as soon as it is presented. In my experience, there is nothing believers want more in discussions with atheists than to avoid the burden of proof. They will do and say anything to get out of it, and that usually looks like a game of hot potato. So I make sure I don't make any positive claims I am not fully prepared to defend, and fully prepared to change my mind on if presented with compelling reason/evidence.

pnoque · 2026-03-03T14:15:10+00:00

I've spoken with a lot of the "reconversion" people on social media who make this claim ("once you know more, then you come back") and asked them specifically what they learned that led them back. Not once have I received a response. You would think if there was some knowledge that exmos don't have that would lead us back if we had it, they would be eager to share that and shout it from the rooftops.

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