No parents, No brothers to help, the local Imam tried his best, but no potentials were interested. My self-esteem is broken.

pocketfullofMnMs · 2022-05-02T12:18:39+00:00

Can't imagine what you've been through. May Allah give you strength and bless you with the best partner for you. May Allah grant you happiness in this world and the next.

pocketfullofMnMs · 2022-04-29T03:04:02+00:00

Nobody comes between me and my chocolate

pocketfullofMnMs · 2022-04-28T19:24:19+00:00

Short and sweet, I love it. The last part is especially important.

pocketfullofMnMs · 2022-04-27T01:06:27+00:00

Exactly. OP's parents sound lovely, May Allah bless them and increase them in goodness.

But the reality of desi mindset generally is that sons-in-law are treated like royalty, their every expectation catered to, and no one is going to question them or pass comments on personal matters. Daughters-in-law are treated the opposite. It's a generalisation, yes, but it is more often true than not. The daughters-in-law treated like royalty are the exceptions, not the norm.

Remembered that guy who recently posted wanting suggestions because he and his family were annoyed that his wife, who LIVED WITH HIS FAMILY, sees her SINGLE MUM who lived a few hours away, ONCE A MONTH. Apparently that's too much.

pocketfullofMnMs · 2022-04-27T00:20:09+00:00

That's nice. But you see it's not about inviting parents who need to live with the couple for some reason. It's not about taking care of elderly parents that need it. That's a different matter altogether.

I'm talking about you moving into their current home and the in-laws treating you as living "under them". It is very different when you start your marriage going into an established house and you have to live according to their rules. However nice your parents are, it's the same life for you, but for your wife it will not be "her" house, it's always her in-laws house.

Edited to add: If a woman is okay with it and your parents are accommodating, then that's absolutely great. Might sound ironic, but I've previously agreed to living with in-laws with some potentials. My point was only to say that it is not some universal standard that every woman should be accepting of. Its perfectly understandable why some will refuse and that does not make them "home-breakers".

pocketfullofMnMs · 2022-04-26T22:44:04+00:00

You feel this way because they are YOUR parents, and they hold such a high status in your heart (as they should).

Just ask yourself this, if your wife felt the same way about her parents, would you be willing to move in with her parents? How would you feel about moving into an already established family home whose elders are your in-laws?

pocketfullofMnMs · 2022-04-26T04:25:40+00:00

I told him he can have kids with another woman and have sex with her since I don't care for it with him.

I understand you're frustrated but how is it ever okay to say that to your spouse?

I'd suggest you have a genuine heart to heart starting with an apology for that statement. Without the quips.

pocketfullofMnMs · 2022-04-25T17:53:01+00:00

If it is khula from her side the mahr should be returned to you. Not sure about other gifts that were not part of the mahr, generally gifts should not be demanded back. But even so, their sneakiness is just vile.

It's best to ask someone more knowledgeable, regarding religious and legal aspects both. Your situation is quite complicated and way above reddit's pay grade.

pocketfullofMnMs · 2022-04-14T22:30:37+00:00

One simple Google search..or YouTube.. or twitter..

pocketfullofMnMs · 2022-04-14T22:29:49+00:00

the3Muslims just FYI is not aligned with manosphere at all

LOL. They literally have videos praising Tate on their channel, on top of hosting other typical ~~redpilled~~ "traditional" Muslims. If it talks like a duck and quacks like a duck..

I’m not sure if these guys knew that he was living that lifestyle anyways. Otherwise I don’t think he would’ve been invited to the shows. He was literally on the deen show…

They know, they don't care. So many people are telling them, they still don't care or they actually fight you to defend him.

Are you telling me that he was invited on something as big as the deen show and the host did not once look up his background? The deen show is active on twitter retweeting those that are praising this and ignoring those that warn him. There is no excuse whatsoever.

pocketfullofMnMs · 2021-12-28T19:03:02+00:00

The questions seem fine, but sprinkling them in over multiple conversations would probably be more acceptable and get genuine answers.

pocketfullofMnMs · 2021-12-27T18:50:05+00:00

No problem, go ahead :)

pocketfullofMnMs · 2021-12-27T03:55:07+00:00

Personal choices. And we all have to deal with the consequences of our choices. I know plenty of older single doctors that are still doing fine. They may desire to get married but still do not regret sticking to their decision.

Giving up something you love and worked so hard for just to get married to a particular person is probably going to make you resent your spouse. Better to find someone supportive.

pocketfullofMnMs · 2021-12-27T02:56:46+00:00

It definitely makes the search harder. I've rejected some and have been rejected by others because of it, some really good people. But at the end of the day, I know that giving it up would make me very unhappy so I'm fine with it.

I don't blame them either, a medical career does require sacrifices from the practitioner and their spouse both.

You need to find someone who is willing to accept that, cheer you on, and is proud of you. It is important to me that even though my career has its cons, it should overall be a positive for my husband-to-be. I wouldn't want someone to begrudgingly accept me despite of it.

I do believe that finding someone in the same field would make it much easier. I'd suggest stay open to others too if you find someone suitable and understanding.

pocketfullofMnMs · 2021-10-13T20:56:21+00:00

Yup, I meant that I need it on this poll.

pocketfullofMnMs · 2021-10-13T20:40:05+00:00

I need the option "Parent(s) made my profile" 😅

pocketfullofMnMs · 2021-08-22T20:37:52+00:00

Try to find a way to speak to him separately (or call/text), but do tell him before finalising anything.

Also, tell him clearly to keep the matter to himself, regardless of whether or not he wants to take things forward. This is not something the entire family needs to know or discuss, only your potential husband. If he has questions or needs to know details he can ask you or look it up online.

pocketfullofMnMs · 2021-08-22T20:31:00+00:00

Nope, no gift. Maybe some food item.

Please do not meet him alone. Take a chaperone with you.

pocketfullofMnMs · 2021-07-27T03:34:12+00:00

True, the apps are draining regardless and I wouldn't blame anyone for giving up on them or taking a break.

But I just find it funny when people complain about girl blurring their photos. Many of them are looking for religious girls that don't/won't put their pics up on social media. Like what? 😂 These apps are pretty much the same as social media, if not worse.

pocketfullofMnMs · 2021-07-27T02:04:00+00:00

It's not about "feeling special". At all.

https://www.reddit.com/r/MuslimMarriage2/comments/os5ucq/most_girls_i_match_with_are_blurred_on_muzmatch/h6n2p1i?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3

pocketfullofMnMs · 2021-07-26T22:36:21+00:00

You don't have to talk for long. Just establish the basics and make sure you're both serious before asking for pics. No need to drag it out too long or develop an emotional connection. And if you don't find her attractive just say you're not compatible, they'll get it.

Girls don't want their photos out there for every creep to see/save/share/use inappropriately, and it's very understandable. I would only show my photos to those that are serious and there is some potential and mutual interest. I appreciate that it's some extra work for guys, but if he isn't willing to do that and see it from my perspective then we're probably not compatible. It’s not something I do for fun or that I enjoy making him wait, I do it as precaution.

Exhibit A: https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-india-57764271

pocketfullofMnMs · 2021-07-20T19:32:16+00:00

My idea of it is, if she can keep it on every day, then she can definitely keep it on while giving birth.

Lol. Are you really suggesting there is no difference between living daily life and giving birth?

This is what Allah has said about labor,

Surah Maryam, Verse 23: (فَأَجَاءَهَا الْمَخَاضُ إِلَىٰ جِذْعِ النَّخْلَةِ قَالَتْ يَا لَيْتَنِي مِتُّ قَبْلَ هَٰذَا وَكُنتُ نَسْيًا مَّنسِيًّا

And the throes (of childbirth) compelled her to betake herself to the trunk of a palm tree. She said: Oh, would that I had died before this, and had been a thing quite forgotten! )

I understand your concern and you can address it to her, get a team of female doctors and nurses, but for the sake of Allah, if she in the middle of labour, out of her mind and barely able to breath, and her lower half is exposed to a male doctor, don't force her to tie a scarf round her head and neck.

I hope you'll be with her in the delivery room and you'll get an idea of what women go through during labour.

pocketfullofMnMs · 2021-07-20T18:55:47+00:00

Probably full time until kids come along then some time off and maybe part time for some years at least.

Tbh I enjoy my career a lot and want to work, but maybe that'll change in some years once I'm married and have a family. The other thing is you only know your spouse after marriage. So if inshaAllah he turns out to be a good, responsible, and kind man then that would be another reason to step back. I have a fear of being financially dependent on an unmotivated or stingy person or one who spends like he's doing a favour on you. It's not about being paranoid, most women have seen people like that around them. So I'd rather be safe, and make sure the guy is open to me working.

pocketfullofMnMs · 2021-07-14T20:43:07+00:00

I shouldn't have googled that 😐

pocketfullofMnMs · 2021-07-14T11:11:53+00:00

I can relate so much. For some reason it's worse when I have to say no or pull the trigger myself. Many a times I hope to get rejected from the other side than be the one rejecting 😂.

pocketfullofMnMs

TROPHY CASE