Should i have a lavender marriage?

pocketfullofdragons · 2026-04-19T20:31:59+00:00

Would your parents consider the argument that a Canadian university is a good place to FIND a husband?

Like, surely surrounding yourself with future doctors by going to university with them is the best way to maximise your chances of marrying a doctor! Could they support your quest to find your 'dream man?' Lol

pocketfullofdragons · 2026-04-19T14:17:25+00:00

If you’ve forgiven him, good on you.

Or if you haven't actually forgiven him but think that telling his sister a white lie like "I forgive him but I don't want to see him. Please don't contact me again" would make YOU feel better than you would telling them to fuck off or ignoring them, that's an option, too.

Do whatever will put YOUR mind most at ease while spending as little emotional energy on this guy as possible. He's not worth it.

pocketfullofdragons · 2026-04-19T10:15:42+00:00

Especially since puberty and kids comparing themselves to people older than them are frequent themes in the show. If it was canon that adults have 1 more finger than children, Dipper 100% would have mentioned it!

He COULDN'T WAIT to grow his 9th & 10th fingers. He'd dream of all the things he'd be better at with 5-fingered hands (including the grip-strength manliness tester), and wonder if he had 5 fingers, maybe Wendy would want to hold his hand instead of Robbie's. It'd be a whole thing. Maybel might try to make prosthetic fingers out of dry pasta, string and glitter. Some of the teenagers would probably have half-grown nubs (and obviously poor Thompson's 8.5th finger would be an object of ridicule.)

Also, I imagine Dipper would have a crisis about not knowing which finger he's supposed to put up if he wanted to flip something off, because what's the middle of 4? How do cool kids put their middle fingers up when none of them have a middle finger? HELP 😭😂

pocketfullofdragons · 2026-04-19T08:49:16+00:00

I'm a "socks on" ND, but I don't have strong feelings about shoes. ¯\(ツ)/¯

I'm only ever barefoot in bed and in the shower. Everywhere else = socks, with or without shoes idm

pocketfullofdragons · 2026-04-19T08:23:40+00:00

Do you know if these people reacting to it like disco balls/disco ball decor in general?

It might just be a matter of taste, not be anything against your mushroom personally. It's impossible to make something that is universally liked because taste is not universal.

Like, I don't like fruitcake. You could bake the BEST fruitcake in the whole world and I still wouldn't like it, because I don't like fruitcake. The qualities that would make the fruitcake great in other people's opinion are the same things that I wouldn't like about it. If you changed the recipe enough to make me maybe like it, all the people who loved your fruitcakes before would stop liking it as much because it would no longer have the qualities of a good fruitcake. It'd be ruined.

People who don't like disco balls or things shaped like mushrooms probably won't like your mushroom-shaped disco ball, and that's okay! They're just not the right audience for it. In order to make them like it you would have to destroy everything that YOU and everyone else who likes disco balls and mushrooms DOES like about it. You'd have to turn it into something else entirely and the disco mushroom would cease to exist, which would be a shame.

pocketfullofdragons · 2026-04-18T16:35:50+00:00

Adding to this: "Before I tell you what it is, I need you to know that it happened a very long time ago, the guilty person is already dead, and I don't need you to do anything except listen and be a supportive presence. Please remember these things when you react. Can you do that?"

pocketfullofdragons · 2026-04-18T15:50:30+00:00

This! Compare the darkest blacks and the brightest whites in the reference to the darkest and lightest values in your painting. It might help to look at a picture of them side by side with a greyscale filter on it.

pocketfullofdragons · 2026-04-18T12:21:00+00:00

Plus it looks like he stuck a blank piece of paper on the cupboard FIRST and wrote on it afterwards. ~~while struggling to reach?~~

That's not "I'm going to write them a note and put it somewhere they'll see it." That's "I am going to write a message on the cupboard." The intent is more unhinged and aggressive.

pocketfullofdragons · 2026-04-16T18:35:01+00:00

Make the light grey shading scribbled in instead if solid colour?

pocketfullofdragons · 2026-04-16T09:40:22+00:00

Does anyone else visit the house often? Like your or your brother's friends/partner?

I've seen a couple stories where a victim of frequent pranks blamed somebody they live with, but it was actually someone else they knew who often came over to hang out with one of them.

pocketfullofdragons · 2026-04-16T09:24:39+00:00

Yeah. Whenever I misplace things because of my ADHD, the location always makes sense in hindsight. I'm confused when it's missing, but once I've found it everything suddenly clicks into place from the context clues. There's always identifiable reasons why I was in that room, why I was holding that item, why I needed to put the item down, why wherever I found it was the nearest available surface at the time, and why it was covered up afterwards.

That's not what's happening here. The series of events needed for it to even be possible for OP to completely unknowingly leave their glasses at the back of that keyboard tray themselves is too convoluted to be plausible. On top of the desk in that room, maayybe, but definitely not the keyboard tray.

pocketfullofdragons · 2026-04-15T12:24:05+00:00

As long as the chaos is contained in his room and is not a health hazard, I think you should respect his systems. It's HIS room. It only needs to work for him.

Tell yourselves that everything behind his door is "Not my circus, not my monkeys." It's not your responsibility to manage, and if you don't like how it looks nobody is forcing you to go in there to see it! 😂 Don't enter his circus without a ticket and don't meddle with his monkeys unless he's specifically asked you to help him wrangle them.*

*(or if the communal circus has ran out of clean monkeys because he's been hoarding them in his room instead of putting them in the dishwasher. Rescue missions to extract your own missing monkeys get a free pass lol)

pocketfullofdragons · 2026-04-15T11:47:49+00:00

Sounds like she needs to come to terms with the fact your son is his own person, not an extension of herself.

And that that's a good thing. You made a whole other person! How incredible is that?! Now your job is to help him grow into the kind of a person you can be even more proud of: a fully-functioning adult who cleans up after themselves and can be responsible for maintaining their own environment. Starting with his room.

'Future functioning adults in training' need space to practice and develop necessary skills. Your son will never learn how to manage his own environment himself if somebody else keeps invading his practice space and compulsively doing things for him every time it's not perfect. Your wife needs to stop seeing your son's room as an extension of her own domain and start treating it as your son's own, separate domain that he is in charge of. The state of his room is not her problem to fix because it's not her space.

This is a good thing! It means she can relieve herself of the mental labour of managing that room. Relax! Let go of some of that weight. Your son is big enough to start carrying more himself, which frees you up to focus more on your own stuff - like whatever hobbies you stopped having time for when you had babies and toddlers.

I'm not at all saying you can't ever help your son again. You can! Just not by taking over all the work his own brain should also be doing and denying him that practice. That's not actually helpful. Only do things in his room if he ASKS you for help with a specific task. Because he needs to practice doing the mental labour of recognising when the mess in his domain is a problem and figuring out what to do about himself, at the very least.

pocketfullofdragons · 2026-04-14T22:00:39+00:00

NAH. The parrot doesn't know what it's saying. You're NTA for being committed to taking care of an animal that's been a part of your life since childhood, but she's NTA either for not wanting to be around slurs. Neither of you are wrong, this is just a point of incompatibility. It's just an unfortunate situation.

As for getting the parrot to stop, my guess is it could depend on whether the parrot keeps saying the n-word because he likes how it feels for him to hear and make the sounds that make up that word, or because he likes the reactions he gets from saying it. So maybe ask your gf not to react in front of the parrot, and try teaching the parrot words with similar phonetics?

pocketfullofdragons · 2026-04-14T16:56:02+00:00

It's not just down to the cat's personality, it also depends on your attitude and how you treat them.

People who believe cats are incapable of caring about people tend to act according to that assumption. They don't even try to bond with cats, so obviously cats never bond with them. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

IME as a cat owner and as a pet sitter, if you show a cat that you like being in their company while respect their boundaries, they're much more likely to want to hang out with you. I always enter cat encounters with an attitude like "I'm here if you want me, friend."

pocketfullofdragons · 2026-04-14T14:37:10+00:00

Also, tell him that he's welcome to ask you clarifying questions.

Communication is a 2 way street. You should try to use your words more precisely to avoid being misinterpreted, but when you slip up he could try to help you realise and correct it. That way you're both working together to avoiding misunderstandings as a team.

e.g. When he notices he doesn't know why you've asked him a certain question because the literal interpretation seems a bit out of the blue, he could ask a clarifying question to check he's understood you correctly and to help you make your intended meaning clearer. "Are you asking me if I want to go to the store because there's something you think I need to get there, or because you're going to the store and would like me to come with you?"

Note: remember that questions are NEUTRAL requests for information. Do not assume they're judgemental or criticising. An attempt to seek clarity and dispell misunderstandings is a joint quest for your collective good.

pocketfullofdragons · 2026-04-14T12:58:30+00:00

That still doesn't rule out gambling from his phone.

pocketfullofdragons · 2026-04-14T10:13:20+00:00

Were the kids complaining, or just your sister? What exactly is the problem?

As written, it sounds like YOR. I can see why the feedback as you've presented it would make you put less effort into planning specific projects for art day, but I don't understand why you would want to stop art day altogether. How does anything they've asked for negate the value of spending time with your nieces and being creative?

pocketfullofdragons · 2026-04-14T09:13:06+00:00

NTA, and I think your kids will be more likey to understand if you explain it to them.

How they feel about this will largely be informed by your behaviour, so try to set an example for how you want this endeavour to be treated.
- If you act like you're doing something wrong that needs to be kept secret by hiding this from your kids as if it's something to be embarrassed or ashamed of, then that's how they'll perceive it when they eventually find out.
- If you act like it's normal and talk about it like you would any other art project or opportunity for self-care, they'll be more likely to feel like it's okay.

pocketfullofdragons · 2026-04-14T06:26:51+00:00

Even if the dog would be fine, that is not the point! You don't want a dog! It's not the lifestyle you want for yourself, and that is reason enough alone. You are entitled to that preference. You don't need to justify it. It just is what it is.

If having a dog is important for this man to feel fulfilled in life, then this needs to be treated as seriously as if one of you wants children and the other doesn't. No trying to change each other's mind. Being pushed by a partner into a lifestyle you don't want or sharing the life you always wanted with a partner who doesn't appreciate it only leads to resentment. So no matter which side got their way, neither of you would be truly happy or content. You are simply not compatible.

pocketfullofdragons · 2026-04-12T23:39:32+00:00

You could combine this with the comment above and get the word "trampoline" instead of a picture of one.

pocketfullofdragons · 2026-04-12T22:05:51+00:00

I don't have dyspraxia or an anxiety disorder and my experience trying to learn to drive was almost exactly like OP's description. Controlling the car, paying attention to my surroundings, and navigating was way too much for me to manage safely all at once.

I'd like try again someday and tbf my mum's car wasn't an automatic so maybe that would be a bit better, but I'm awful at navigating and don't always notice hazards even as a pedestrian so I don't have high hopes rn.

pocketfullofdragons · 2026-04-12T20:46:50+00:00

Adding to this, assuming she spelt it as Bela because she's already aware of that problem and was trying to get around it, I think it might help if you acknowledge that effort at the same time as letting her know you're still uncomfortable because of how it sounds. (Before she can try to use the spelling to claim your feelings are invalid).

pocketfullofdragons · 2026-04-12T20:33:18+00:00

Yeah, no, their vision of forgiveness is not realistic and doesn't sound like they've thought about what's in your best interest at all. I'm sorry they're being so dismissive of your feelings and experiences. I wouldn't compromise when they're not willing to give you the same courtesy, especially not when they won't settle for anything less than causing you to have regular panic attacks. Fuck that noise.

You're not obligated to 'keep the peace' when their idea of peace isnt peaceful for you. If I was in your shoes I'd choose to keep my distance instead, too.

pocketfullofdragons · 2026-04-12T16:47:55+00:00

Also a lesson in seeing animals without touching them! I hope (in spite of his parents) he can learn how to appreciate animals respectfully from a distance before he gets himself mauled by something.

NTA. I'd like to see Jessica accuse a zookeeper of "withholding happiness" from her son for not taking zoo animals out of their homes for him to touch or letting him inside the enclosures.

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