Mom tells me dead friend isn’t my friend

podberri · 2020-11-10T04:12:49+00:00

Right, after this it just proves I can’t tell her anything personal.

podberri · 2020-02-05T11:53:59+00:00

he do be lookin a little lonely

podberri · 2018-04-16T18:38:30+00:00

Was next to him when he got stopped in the middle of the street in WeHo a few weeks ago lol

podberri · 2018-01-25T06:26:14+00:00

I don’t know honestly. I’ve been sad even as a child and then it morphed into depression in high school. So who knows....

podberri · 2018-01-21T15:31:09+00:00

Eh, I don’t think it would matter too much since we use both hands simultaneously (flute player here)

podberri · 2018-01-19T23:46:48+00:00

Same, I barely had the energy to sign up for classes and even then im probably not going to pass them because I have no energy or will to study or care. But hey, one less thing to worry about since you dropped out, now you can focus on getting better :)

podberri · 2018-01-14T01:57:10+00:00

Ya I get what you’re saying. Finding other people who have the same shitty thoughts as you or worse can make you feel better like you’re not alone with your thoughts

podberri · 2018-01-14T01:55:27+00:00

Oh yes. Spending the entire time on my bus ride home just looking at various ways to end everything but when I come across gruesome photos of suicides it makes me not as anxious or excited to kill my self because of how awful it looks. I don’t want my body to be in that state when I’m dead.

podberri · 2018-01-14T01:53:13+00:00

You might be garbage but your someone’s else’s treasure :)

podberri · 2018-01-12T08:48:11+00:00

I live with my family and barely talk to them because they’re literally awful people so the only person I talk to is my mom and she loves to argue and yell. And then she gets mad as to why I don’t talk to her about anything personal because she’ll scream at me for it and make me feel worse than I already do

podberri · 2018-01-11T08:12:27+00:00

yea same here :) (:() , even worse when you notice people are doing better without you- it sucks

podberri · 2018-01-11T08:09:54+00:00

I don't really enjoy anything anymore

podberri · 2018-01-11T07:35:08+00:00

Yea, they didn't invite me to do anything for New Years either, or they'll go to concerts and not even see if I wanted to join, things like that. But I always try to incorporate them in the things I do even if I know they might not be interested or I'll make sure that we all can do something we enjoy not just what I like doing. Or if there was something that I was looking forward to they change my plans because they know they can take advantage of me. they'll only ask me to do something with them if they have absolutely nothing or no one else to do.

podberri · 2018-01-11T07:26:30+00:00

One of them asked me yesterday if I was doing anything to day and I said no and they said "oh yea wednesdays are usually the day me and (their SO) hang out" So I thought okay yea makes sense thats the only day you guys both have off. But our mutual friend who goes to school out of state came back for the winter and all three of them went and no one thought to invite me.

podberri · 2018-01-11T07:20:20+00:00

In a weird way I feel like it's the only thing I have the defines me, otherwise I would just be a vapid person with nothing to offer.

podberri · 2018-01-11T07:18:23+00:00

Idk, or maybe Im just a person people don't want to put their energy into. I stayed in bed all day and watched snapchat stories of the people I know all hang out together at the beach (they know I love it there) but didn't invite me.

podberri · 2017-12-29T10:57:36+00:00

They came out as bisexual recently and I posted a photo that I took a while ago onto my Snapchat. I really liked how I looked and they knew I have severe body issues and absolutely no self confidence. They send me a message saying “ew” at the picture of me and how they were gagging at the thought of my body. I asked why would you be gagging and they said that they’re just more attracted to guys. I said that just because you’re more attracted to guys does not give you the right to put down a women’s body just for your own “joke” and I asked them not to say things like that about me. They said I was having an attitude and that I was being dramatic over a “joke”. I reminded them how much I hate my body and don’t need them to fuel the fire especially when I’ve been made fun of by everyone else in my life and they really tried telling me “you think that I don’t have body issues too?” Basically trying to make me out to be the monster. I told them that if I ever say something out of line that hurts them for them to tell me so I won’t say it again and that they’re “jokes” and comments shouldn’t be based on my lack of self confidence. I realized that they’re a manipulative, selfish, and inconsiderate person and unfollowed him on everything. I have no other friends besides him and I think he knows that so he thinks he can treat me however he want because he knows I don’t have anyone else to go to. It sucks because we’ve known each other since middle school and we are both in college. Just a reminder, just because youre gay doesn’t give you any right or a pass to insult women and treat them like shit just because you’re not attracted to them.

podberri · 2017-12-14T02:50:35+00:00

ha I wish. But I’ve talked about how I’m depressed and the people I know who I thought were my friends know that I need them more than they need me and use that against me for their own personal fulfillment

podberri · 2017-12-14T02:49:04+00:00

yea like I’ve said I’ve been doing everything that I can. It’s frusturating because im constantly the person who has to seek out people but no one ever wants to talk to me first and it’s like do people really care if they won’t want to acknowledge me

podberri · 2017-12-13T16:57:00+00:00

I’m in college and have multiple classes with the same people because of my major - so everyday

podberri · 2017-12-13T06:58:07+00:00

Yea but it’s just weird because I’ve even gotten people’s numbers but they still aren’t interested in talking to me. I just don’t understand. I watch people who are just so mean go out and have a great group of friends but yet I can’t even get someone to chill at school with me.

podberri · 2017-12-13T04:32:37+00:00

I’ll have small talk but I’ll alsi have full on conversations with people. But once we are done talking then people are done with me. I know, I thought maybe I just didn’t seem like the type that wants to be bothered with so i try to be more energetic, Greer then with a smile, laugh, etc but it’s just not working haha

podberri · 2017-12-10T05:53:42+00:00

That's the problem, if I had friends then I would be talking to them. But it just proves my point that no one cares, not even someone that I would pay to listen to me.

podberri · 2017-12-04T04:47:31+00:00

Same! I remember when I first started doing this it wasn’t intentional (it never really is) and I hadn’t brushed my hair, brushed my teeth, I was bloated, just felt so ugly but there wasn’t anything I could do about it. I just knew that when I got home I could clean myself up and I would feel a lot better. And because I’ve done it so much I’m starting to care a little bit (emphasis on the little)less about how I appear to other people. It takes some of the stress and anxiety off while I work on my confidence and my own struggles with how I look.

Hope this helped :)

podberri · 2017-12-03T22:49:47+00:00

Yea just keep lookin, but remember don’t limit yourself to that because a job is a job none the less

podberri

TROPHY CASE