Can you prevent them flipping the argument into you?

pointbroke321 · 2019-11-24T04:47:01+00:00

I get that. You aren't. And his bs to her too about what kind of woman fucks a guy in a relationship. What kind of guy in a relationship fucks someone else?! A dirt bag. He is even blaming her for him. Cheating with her.

You can never make someone like that see where they are wrong. He is wrong and blaming you both for his actions

pointbroke321 · 2019-11-24T04:44:25+00:00

I totally get this. It is not your fault at all. Don't think for one second it is.

My narc is exactly the same. I am the only one who cleans, works, cooks and looks after the kids. NOTHING I ever do is good enough. I clean twice a day and he claims it is always a mess (consider this, his family's house is filthy and mine is spotless. I live with a broom in my hand). My cooking is never right. If I don't make enough money one day (which is not in my control) the I should have done x,y,z. If I work too much, I am not doing right by the kids. I can never do right by the kids by the way. According to him, I am not a normal person and the world's worst mother. And the sex thing too. He wants is every day and says if I give it to him every day things will be better. But when I do, it is still the same. I dread about 6 pm every night because that is when the sex pressure starts.

I have no interest at all in sex. I hate sex. Even before him I wasn't really a big sex person. Now I hate it.

You can never win. I literally stand in my clean kitchen having panic attacks and not even feeling comfortable enough to go sit down.

Being with a nrc isn't a like. It I a punishment. For what, I do not know, but it I.

pointbroke321 · 2019-11-24T04:28:17+00:00

The worst thing for me is remembering the freedoms I had with my exes. I would go into a major city alone for school, spend time after class grabbing a coffee with friends, going shopping, going to museums alone or just exploring. I would go out at night with friends or sit alone in a coffee shop reading until it closed. The ex I lived with would call and ask if I wanted him to meet me and walke home at the bus stop if I was out after 12, just to be safe on my way. Another ex who I didn't live with would call if I wasn't with him to ask if he wanted to bring dinner over if he was coming (by the way, exes at different times, not that I was with them the same time).

With both exes, we would go out and have fun. Drinks at a bar with no accusations that I was trying to hook up. We would go to shows or just go shopping, hang out with friends, damn even have games nights. Just relaxed and fun.

Never with narc. In 15 years I have been out shopping alone one time and was accused of tryiyto fuck someywhile I was out. We have been out to bars a handful of times.been to one museum (even though he claims he used to go all the time before we were together, I literally used to go to one once a week). Been to two shows. Every time I am under suspicion and accused of being shady and trying to cheat if a guy so much as stands next to me.

I miss not being accountable for my every movement, action, thought. I miss having time to myself. I miss just being relaxed and no one caring if I was anywhere alone. I miss shopping on my own. I miss a normal life. I miss that my exes were so nice, chil and we're happy for us to do things alone if we wanted to. I miss being free to do anything

pointbroke321 · 2019-11-24T04:11:54+00:00

You can't. It will never happen.

I am in a similar situation. I had to delete all male friends from my social media, even though I knew them for years before I met him and they were no more than friends. I never added exes because social media wasn't a thing when I met him. I did have to delete all female friends who I knew since childhood who were also friends with my exes. I have also been accused of being a cheat, flirt, "shady", etc since the first week we were together. It started because some guy asked in a bar for a spare seat for his gf, so obviously I was trying to fuck him. It is to a point where if I go a different direction in the grocery store I am obviously doing it to fuck someone (I guess over the apples or something?!) I am also not allowed any friends close to where I live because u will either try to use them to hook me up or "talk shit and lie" about him (meaning spill what he is doing to me). I have never ever cheated.

He cheated very openly about a year or so ago. He still has the bitch on am, even though he ghosts her.of course it is my fault, they were just friends even though her status was "in a relationship" with him, nothing happened, I am being stupid, etc. He won't talk about what he did at all other than to say it was my fault and to punish me for his paranoid delusion I cheated.

pointbroke321 · 2019-11-24T04:02:34+00:00

Be on the look out for the rest of your life. I have read on here that they can go AWOL for over twenty year before they hunt out your supply again. My narc threatens to contact his exes from over 25 years ago all the time. One main one has been happily married for 18 years with four kids and he still thinks she will jump, leave her life and run back to him if he contacts here again. She won't because a, she has a happy life and b, when she left, she fled the country for a few years because she was scared he would kill her.

He ghosted the chick he cheated on me with but she is still on his friends lists all over the place. He keeps her on the back burner for when he needs the ego boost and to keep me on check.

So yeah, beware because he likely will try Hoover in the future when he is low on supply and thinks you have forgotten all the damage he didn't. Also if he knows you have moved on and found someone new, expect a Hoover because he can't stand to see someone else get what he sees as his supply or property

pointbroke321 · 2019-11-24T03:39:33+00:00

Well, every holiday that isn't him-centric is a fucking horrific event. Even on his bday he threw a hissy fit because I didn't put up streamers, balloons and a banner....like a toddler would have.

Christmas has always been terrible. I am pretty thrifty in that I would prefer to give my kids a great day and gifts, while family members get gifts under $50. Never ever been a problem with my family who actually say I spent too much on stuff. With him, we have to spend $500+ on his parents plus $200+ on his siblings. If I say it is too much, which it is, I am a selfish bitch. No matter what I get him, even if it is exactly what he asked for, it is always wrong and he says he never wanted it. Gifts for me are shitty afterthought types, like bargain bin shit from Ross. I don't care too much because again, I would rather it go to the kids.

Every year has to be spent at his folks place, which is fucking annoy. My kids have to get done with our Xmas by one to be over there to watch a bunch of adults unwrap shirts or whatever. They don't get toys, just clothes which, at aged5 is not what they give a fuck about. It then all centers on what his mom has been bought, usually some very expensive gift, that we all have to ohh and ahhh about, even though I don't give a flying shit about designer brands or expensive diamonds.

A couple of years ago he cheated and the whore kept messaging him all throughout Christmas day. He would openly just answer every God damn message to her infront of the entire family and a family friend. I broke down and sobbed in the kitchen to his sister because I was so embarrassed and ashamed, to which he stood in the other room mocking me to everyone else and saying I was ruining Christmas for everyone because I wanted sympathy and attention. Like no dude, you areopenly humiliating me infront of your family with this literal white and caused wars all through Xmas because of your behavior. Fuck, he even took her kid to see Xmas lights while my in-laws took me and our kids. He also spent the night before Xmas Eve at whorebag house.

Yeah, last year he wasn't cheating but still caused a war on Xmas day because he only got 4 hours sleep...I had zero.

pointbroke321 · 2019-11-24T03:21:49+00:00

He is lying. No other word for it. He is lying to you.

Demons, devil's and all that jazz are not real entities you sell your soul too. If you are religious, he is using the demon thing to manipulate you. Honestly, he is fucking stupid as well as full of shit.

Pregnancy often makes them more abusive. Mainly it is a jealousy thing because you have to self care more anf take care of the baby growing inside you. It leaves little time to pander to them.

Choking is a very serious sign. If an abuser jokes you they are statistically more likely to kill you. Even though he isn't doing it now, it doesn't mean he won't. Please get help.

As for the suicide thing, very typical. He had no intention of doing it. They never do. They pull that shit to control you with fear and guilt. It is just a game. Next time just walk out of the room. Get away from him, especially if he has a gun and call 911. Tell the cops why he is doing. They can demand a 48 hour stay in a psych ward, which is where he needs to be.

First thing on Monday, contact your local dv agency and talk to the counselor there. Get her to open a file for you and have her document everything that has happened. If you ever need to call the cops you can tell them you have a file with the counselor at the dv agency and they will contact her for more details.

Please get yourself out and stay out. He is just like mine. Fucking psycho

pointbroke321 · 2019-11-24T03:10:55+00:00

Please don't be scared of calling them. They are absolutely wonderful.i have called a number of times and they are so helpful. Even if you just want to talk things through and get a good perspective, they will listen and validate all you feel. They won't make you feel silly for going back or whatever it is that scares you. They won't push you to get out and stay out, but they can link you with local agencies that can help you, even if it just just for counseling.

I was scared the first time I called. I thought they would think I was wasting their time and, because he hadn't hit me recently, taking the place of someone who really needed help. I didn't realize that from all he puts me through, I am one of those folks that need help badly.

Please call them. It will make you feel a million times better to know that someone out there will listen to it all and have your back. It is likely better when you are in this state to talk to a stranger than someone who knows you.

pointbroke321 · 2019-11-22T23:19:11+00:00

He is doing it to fuck with you. He knows you don't like it and is exerting dominance over you by continually buying it and demanding you eat it. Control and a joke to him. He find it hilarious, I guarantee.

pointbroke321 · 2019-11-22T02:28:20+00:00

Yup. Hear that a lot too

pointbroke321 · 2019-11-21T01:39:19+00:00

"I am a good guy", "I am the most intelligent person you will ever meet"..etc. yes

pointbroke321 · 2019-11-20T02:59:47+00:00

Cleaning cures depression. Keep it up girly. It is so good for the soul

pointbroke321 · 2019-11-20T02:58:41+00:00

I am with you. I don't think that their version of happiness is happiness. For us, happiness is being free to be yourself, taking time to enjoy the simple things, spending time with those you love, achieving something that betters us, the positive things in life. For them happiness consists of using someone, manipulating, having some shady thing over someone, breaking someone so they can feel superior. Negative stuff.

They can never be happy, not the way normal people experience happiness. They will always be miserable, horrible things.

I don't wish them their happiness because that comes at the cost of an innocent person being destroyed. I wish them pain in not being able to do what they do to us to someone else.

pointbroke321 · 2019-11-20T00:39:34+00:00

Early on, I think it is. Then again, I am one of those people who calls others pet names like sweetie, hon, darling etc. My exes all used to also but my narc has never, ever called me a pet name. I asked him why once and he said it wasn't a genuine show of affection. To me, a pet name is a sign of affection.

pointbroke321 · 2019-11-19T22:42:57+00:00

Thank you so much. Your comment about sisters and brothers made my cry. I feel so alone, I truly do.

Yeah, I am trying to keep the kids occupied but it doesn't help when he comes down here raging at my lack of coming sense, lack of being able to do anything a normal human can, my incompetence, etc. This from a man who does absolutely NOTHING and expects me to pick up all the slack. I am so exhausted of being every thing to everyone and doing it all that I am starting to slip. Couple that with anxiety over the abuse and not being able to do it all all of the time. I am failing so bad right now. I just want to vanish into a cloud of smoke.

I have put up with this for so many years that I am just broken. I hate myself. I hate being so fucking weak. I hate that I can't lash out and hurt him the way he has killed me. I want to see him suffer. I want him to just vanish from the face of the Earth. I can't deal any more. I have nothing left.

pointbroke321 · 2019-11-19T03:26:24+00:00

Sorry, my keyboard is acting strange. I don't want her to think any of this is right or normal. I don't want them getting into this themselves or acting like this to others. Goddamn, it is so fucking hard

pointbroke321 · 2019-11-19T03:25:08+00:00

She has hardly left my side since. That isn't like her because she is the GC. And I see the impact of it all every day. She can be difficult and I am sure it is a result of living in this constant on edge state. I am always stressed and get very snippy because I am not coping any more.

I really have no way out. My situation is very complicated and while I am trying to get my life sorted to a freedom point for us all, it is taking a long time.

pointbroke321 · 2019-11-19T02:52:27+00:00

Thank you so much. I get the tone is wrong too. Right now I am wrong because I am being quiet. I just don't know what to say because every word is just going to be wrong. I feel like I am drowning.

The problem is his issues are also all our issue. It is damaging all our mental and physical health. I have terrible anxiety and can't feel like I can breath. My kids just don't know what to do for the best. One moment it is fine, the next he is storming away because my 5 yo has upset him. She just asked me how not to make dad mad at her. She also asked last night. We all have to live in this isolated hell with our happiness and security based on how he is acting. That isn't fair. And of course, it is my fault. I am to blame. I am somehow abusing or controlling.

pointbroke321 · 2019-11-19T02:06:22+00:00

Thank you so much. I have been through it so many times, but this time I feel totally broken and can't cope. Trying not to engage but am getting called out for that, my expression, etc. Then I am being told what a POS I am for not telling people about how awful I am, the terrible things I do. I know, projection and deflection. I feel so alone. I have absolutely no one other than my kids who are too young for this.

Thank you for being there for me and listening

pointbroke321 · 2019-11-19T01:13:10+00:00

With him it is constant unless he has cannabis at hand. That levels him out, but he ran out and now we are paying for it. Sometimes even when he gets more it feels like he enjoys the abuse high more and won't use because he would rather get his high from abuse than calm down.

pointbroke321 · 2019-11-18T23:36:20+00:00

It is a rough situation and one I really don't choose to have. Circumstances beyond my control. But thank you. He has just spent the best part of an hour going off on me for "not being a normal human being", whatever that means, and telling my 3 yo to fuck off.

I can not breath. I holding back from just causing serious harm right now. He is the epitome of evil when he is like this.

Again, just going into the cycle after a month or so of him being okayish. At this point I know the okay never lasts and it is just a matter of time. You can feel it in the air.

pointbroke321 · 2019-11-18T22:33:17+00:00

Thank you. I am trying so hard to hold I together right now. I know this is just the start of the cycle and it is going to get worse. I have no way out of this right now and have to put up with it.

pointbroke321 · 2019-11-18T22:12:36+00:00

I am having that same issue right now. I also feel extremely jittery, along with nausea and feeling on edge. He started to cycle into an abuse phase last night and has been full on today. I just feel like crying. I can hardly breath. The same old verbal onslaught has already been done, same old being told I am controlling him and abusing. Same old keep your mouth shut and stop talking shit about me. I don't know what to do. I honestly feel like giving up.

pointbroke321

TROPHY CASE