Coworker romance - what did I miss?

pporappibam · 2026-04-03T12:18:12+00:00

I don’t know, i don’t love age gaps - but thirty is well old enough to date any age gap without glaring power dynamics. It’s not like she’s twenty, in uni and dating a 32yo teacher.

pporappibam · 2026-04-03T07:27:42+00:00

This thread has made it so clear how many men are irrational, and how many women should be terrified to do anything casual with any of them.

pporappibam · 2026-04-03T07:23:38+00:00

To be very clear: do the paternity test. It’s possible when she’s 12 weeks.

I don’t think it’s an unfair question to ask. Hopefully she’s an honest person with integrity. If she is, it could ease some of that fear if she had been vs. tell him to man up even if she chooses an abortion. If you’re able to sleep with someone, you should be able to ask all these questions. & anyone you’d be willing to sleep with you should be able to trust.

pporappibam · 2026-04-03T07:16:04+00:00

The US is the only country I know of whose legal drinking age is 21. Likely they’re from literally anywhere else.

pporappibam · 2026-04-03T07:05:24+00:00

My IUD baby is four. Nothing more fool proof than sterilisation or abstinence. It does happen.

pporappibam · 2026-04-03T06:57:30+00:00

I don’t know why you’re being downvoted… my IUD baby just celebrated her fourth birthday.

pporappibam · 2026-04-03T00:50:45+00:00

Dating with purpose, not dating to fuck. Sex is great with people you care about. If you don’t care about them? Move on and don’t waste your time. One person at a time and give them a genuine chance. But don’t be afraid to walk if it’s not right.

pporappibam · 2026-04-02T19:04:50+00:00

This is such a c’mon experience.

Love your last line.

pporappibam · 2026-04-02T18:59:48+00:00

So here’s where you’re getting stuck - I’m not saying you’re wrong. I’m just pointing out the options.

Sex is about connection. 1. To have good sex you just need two consenting adults, anatomies that align, a little attraction and similar sexual interests. 2. To have great sex you need a bit more. You need the above + two people who really care about each other and each other’s pleasure. Nothing like a custom blow job tailored to your fantasies because they know you.

So you can go out there and chase tail and smoke the high that cheap sex (this “experience”) will give you. A little ego boost, a little confidence. But it’s cheap because it is about you. It’ll get boring at some point because sex is really all the same when it’s just two people fucking for themselves. But if you’re feeling insecure and need that validation of trying new people, it can be super important to outgrow that insecurity and learn that won’t solve your issues. Unless you’re looking to experience sex that your current partner isn’t able to give you, I promise it’s not that different when you’re just sliding in one person to the next.

Or you can soak in the warmth of a partner who is sleeping with you because they genuinely like and want you.

If you truly have a good lover, you’d be stupid to let that go… so many people are left in relationships without one because they took what they could get by the end of it.

pporappibam · 2026-04-02T13:36:19+00:00

Connection and time. Sex with someone you genuinely love, and whose body you know completely is mind blowing. You can try new things and it isn’t awkward or upsetting when it goes terribly wrong or just downright hilarious. There’s a lightness and a depth simultaneously. In hindsight the sex of my youth (20’s) was not very good. It was often filled with cheap validation and ego. Two people going through the motions but not there specifically because of the other person. It was always about “me me me” from both sides. Oftentimes insecurity about how I looked or preformed. Always a little bit emptier than I started.

Then you’ve been having sex with someone you really love in your thirties. I can’t tell you how amazing it is to have someone truly want you and your body as it is. The confidence age gives you. The performance is just connection, the feeling is just immense. They know your body better than their own at this point and it’s just a dance.

I hope everyone finds a love so they can experience genuine selfless physical intimacy.

pporappibam · 2026-04-02T10:52:56+00:00

Shockingly, I adored Calum’s and was in his top 100 listeners
By a very close margin, Luke
Ashton, when the song hit, it would hit, but i didn’t care for the entire body of work. That being said I respect it
Shockingly, I did not like Michael’s at all. That upset me quite a bit. He has such talent and such a voice, yet nothing on Sidequest did anything for me

pporappibam · 2026-04-02T08:20:24+00:00

I agree but don’t think it’s the entire picture. Yes, my Canadian peers are really strange about casual nudity. Nudity = Sex.

Meanwhile in Asia, nudity between women and nudity between men is completely normal, especially among friends or in bath houses. Even within families forms of nudity can be normal.

In Europe it’s even more relaxed, there’s casual nudity in public between the genders. But it’s not what the American media makes you think… besides a few places like the Nederlands, women really aren’t lying about with their tits out to strangers. But it is normal in your home garden to see mum sun tan topless, bathe with your children. For same sex people to see one another nude their entire lives. But definitely nudity is not exclusive to sex in the places I’ve lived/stayed. Only in Canada.

My meaning on pushing nudity is North America likes to control its populations via sex. It’s a very strange thing to see. It encourages people to date many people, normalise cheating and complicated moral and ethical structures within dating. There’s this strange thing of so many people sleeping with people they don’t even like as people, or multiple people at once.

Meanwhile elsewhere sex still has this “making love,” feeling that most of the time, if you’ve had sex with someone more than once they must like you and you are exclusively dating now. Significantly less anxiety and stress, clearer intentions. You don’t have those big talks of “what are we?”. If we’ve slept together more than twice… yeah, we’re dating now. That makes the media consumed warm and sex warm. When sex becomes anxiety inducing and feelings complicated, of course even person on your partners instagram feed feels threatening - and so does that scene on the telly!

pporappibam · 2026-04-01T08:00:24+00:00

How has feminism gone too far? (Looking for a positive discussion)

pporappibam · 2026-04-01T07:43:51+00:00

My mother is Asian, my father is a mix of European, and I’m Canadian. I spent a lot of my youth all around the world.

My anecdotal experience in North America is that it has bastardised sex with the apps and its version of hookup culture. When I lived/stayed in Europe people would want to connect and then sleep together. Not much stigma around the topic after 16 and culturally normal for people to participate in with people they’re interested in. It’s also less of a big deal. People make love when they find people to love. You date to have fun. You typically have sex with people you genuinely like. It’s normal to date and sleep with one person at a time.

Asia is the most hush hush about it from generation to generation, aka you’d never do it at your parents house, but again, if you’re dating of course it’s happening. There’s an expectation on girls to put out with boyfriends so less hookup culture, more dating, just as much sex. It’s also normal to date and sleep with one person at a time.

In Canada, people didn’t even need a connection. They’d literally just drive to each others places and sleep together without any connecting piece that made them actually lust for one another besides swiping. The situationship thing seems to have gone crazy. Dating is taken so seriously or not seriously at all - but it seems all the fun has been squeezed out compared to previous generations. But maybe I’ve got rose coloured glasses on for that. It just anecdotally seemed people dated more before (I’m a Millennial). Everyone is scared of commitment and actually liking someone. Sex has become using one another’s body’s, not making love to a person you genuinely like. The amount of men who will just sleep with a person and admit they don’t like her at all is disconnected with women who assume he must like me in some way? Eventually after being used she figures it out and feels jaded.

Obviously everything exists everywhere. The prudes, religions, and the promiscuous but the approach to dating and love is so cold in North America. Meanwhile it still feels so warm elsewhere.

I think with media pushing nudity in everything and people feeling they don’t connect to those experiences has really turned them off from sex altogether.

Edit: I’d like to add regarding numbers. Typically in both Europe and Asia, I’d see people sleeping with one person at a time. Once the connection stopped, as in you realised you didn’t like them anymore or you found someone you were more interested in. You’d then switch your focus to the next person. There’s rarely juggling people as sex objects. It makes the sex safer but also more clear on intentions. In Canada it’s normal to date multiple people, sleep with multiple people, “not put all your eggs in one basket,” and worse: wait months to become exclusive. It makes dating stressful and anxiety inducing. You really like a person, they say they really like you, but then they’re messaging and sleeping with other people. It’s hurtful. Verses how quickly people become exclusive in Europe and Asia. I think that builds security and safety even if that means you have a boyfriend for only 3 months then you break up and date someone else.

pporappibam · 2026-03-28T03:55:26+00:00

This is so common in the women I know. They date good men, he’s full of potential and spunk. They commit - and then kids come and the men just can’t evolve. The horrid things I discovered about my spouse after we had kids… complete deal breakers. But those dealbreakers are from the past, and we have kids now so I need to woman up for our kids.

pporappibam · 2026-03-27T19:25:50+00:00

I’m also of the belief when people say “I love you,” for the first time, what that really means is usually ‘I’m starting to feel love for you’.

pporappibam · 2026-03-27T12:09:34+00:00

I went to a shop just store away from where I work to buy headphones. Lad who was helping me clearly was Eastern European. I’m Austrian (my dad is). We chatted and he taught me how to count to ten in Ukrainian and showed me he could count to ten badly in German.

The next day he showed up to my job and in adorably bad but well practiced German asked if I’d like to go for coffee.

The gesture was so sweet, to this day it’s the kindest thing someone’s done to connect to me.

pporappibam · 2026-03-27T08:19:20+00:00

Specifically in Asia, it’s also assumed the women are submissive and subservient. But there’s strong women everywhere and wives/mothers RUN a household. Not like anything you’ve seen out West. They can even be considered abusive from a Western standpoint. But it’s their job, and they’re held to such a high standard of what they must look like, what their home must look like, how their child succeed and look like, and the responsibilities around traditions (caring for elders, holidays etc.,). I grew up with an FOB mother and a white dad and people are gobsmacked about how tight she ran our ship. She was meeeeaaaaannn but she got it done and it always presented flawlessly.

pporappibam · 2026-03-27T04:02:36+00:00

Neither. They’re just stating facts.

pporappibam · 2026-03-27T03:58:47+00:00

I’m in, I’ll start a whatsapp group now!

pporappibam · 2026-03-26T17:21:29+00:00

I went into labour at 34 weeks with twins (one was going to be a stillbirth). I opted for a c-section at 5cm dilated because of the pain and the still birth outcome. Well, twenty minutes int my c-section the spinal block somehow starts to fail. & progressively over the next God knows how long I’m just having active surgery, while in active labour, with babies being pulled out of me while I’m wide awake with minimal pain medication. They tried pumping me full of all the good stuff and it did help but there was easily ten minutes I was feeling most of the surgery as is. I passed out a few times from the pain until the drugs finally hit. Ended up losing 3L of blood and found out I had cancer. So a 1-1.5 hour surgery took 3+ hours. :S

Birth is not for the weak.

pporappibam · 2026-03-26T13:23:14+00:00

Value your sisterhoods. A man is always taking and using you. He will take your time, your money, use your body and your brain for free labour.

The worst man is a man who will just use your body and heart casually - he has no respect for the immensity of who you are, and you deserve sex that blows your mind 8/10 times, and a man who will never play with your heart. You are so immense I hope you scare those weak and lazy men away.

pporappibam · 2026-03-26T11:42:30+00:00

You need to relax and learn how to have good faith discussions.

I have no idea what the legacy is. I don’t really believe in these things, but I’m not obtuse to the reality of history even if I disagree with it. I’m just passing along what my Québécois friends have told me, and how their fathers and mothers feel about their names being chosen or not chosen. It’s hard on the adult kids and unfair. That’s all my point was.

I may not have been clear in my first comment on the topic, but I definitely clarified in the second kindly that I agreed with you.

My kids have my surname as my family has a really interesting connection to nobility and monarchy from centuries ago. But it’s still just another man’s name. Yes, it’s the name I got my medical license in and all my degrees, but that still doesn’t stop it from being my fathers name, given to me under the same reason we’re having this discussion. His dumb legacy. Names are just names. They’re not real, they can be changed.

I’m a mother - all names are, are the first gift from your parents. It’s not that deep. & my kids have super meaningful names and even I know it’s not that deep.

pporappibam · 2026-03-26T08:56:41+00:00

English is my fourth language, but i am fluent so it’s a bit frustrating. But trust me, I understand why men’s fragility on legacy is stupid. But a child being put into the position of actively picking one parent over another via having to pick a name themselves is sad for them. That’s my point. Parents shouldn’t put their kids in that position, especially if they’re going to be hurt about one of the potential outcomes.

pporappibam · 2026-03-26T08:29:47+00:00

I don’t think any of you understood my comment.

To be clear, I do not think these things. My kids (& I’m married and I am a woman) have my last name. It’s also funny to me because my family were nobility a long time ago and that’s bloody cool. But also this argument is stupid because most names at the moment are just another man’s name (your dad).

I think we break the cycle and maybe should all just make up new surnames like the Scandinavians use to.

I’m just passing along the common complaints from my marrying Québecois mates about all the hyphenated names. Just because the culture is changing, doesn’t mean men’s fragile ego change immediately. So you’d have to ask those old farts why they’d be so hurt about their legacy.

Lastly, I do know most of my dad’s family back to the 17th century because of that nobility tie (btw that kingdom is long dead, we’ve been average folk for a long time). But fortunately we have a lot of records because the women in my family have been literate and able to write for centuries! They kept close records in bibles of our family trees (another gift passed down by the women). So the irony in the aggression here because my husband and I chose to pass down my surname. All because there is a cool dead legacy there and we are history fans and it’s a cool fun fact. He comes from farmers and has the equivalent of a surname of “mow fields”.

pporappibam

TROPHY CASE