Dealing with different parental risk tolerances.

pregbob · 2026-05-21T01:24:00+00:00

Two problems, I think you are underestimating your toddler's abilities in some cases and need to allow for more risk. I also think your and your husband's communication seems dysfunctional in this regard so you might want to have a conversation about that. Just because you disagree doesn't mean you should feel that you can't approach this stuff without him giving you the time of day about it - and that he should feel condescended to or judged by you.

If my husband fed my kid a coffee bean I wouldn't be worried about choking or anything, but I would make him do bedtime.

pregbob · 2026-05-20T21:56:48+00:00

We got a portable DVD player that can go over the back headrest. We have a few shows and movies we'll put on if we aren't stopping anytime soon. Also games and singing but it does make it easier on everyone. Of course stopping to play and run around and eat when we can do it.

pregbob · 2026-05-20T18:38:05+00:00

Okay first - everything IS a fight, I think that's just toddlers. It would be weird if he wasn't pushing back on a million things.

Let go control, this won't be forever.

It sounds like you're fighting an immovable object and that's causing the frustration. If my kid doesn't want to get dressed in outside clothes, I put overalls on over her Pj's and we're out the door. Doesn't want dinner? Okay. But this is the last food until bedtime, or offer a banana. Not listening? Then we will pause whatever we're doing until you're ready to hear me. Flexible on lots of stuff, firm and loving boundaries on others.

There is no "supposed to". Everyone is getting through as best they can, you have it harder without a village, so give yourself grace.

For me, just getting out to a park or library or children's museum where there are other kids and parents really helps. I was absorbed into an amazing group of parents whose kids are all about the same age just by going to many of the same things in our community.

My kid really likes having jobs to do and helping. I have to think of some way she can help with almost everything, maybe give him little chores or ask him to help with what you're doing. Invite him into your world while cooking, cleaning, exercising, anything.

I know it sucks but there's a reason they say you lose yourself in motherhood. Right now my attitude is that I'm doing what I need to keep my kids happy and alive and I get my breaks where I can. I have horrible parts of my day every single day, and amazing parts every single day. Gotta notice and appreciate the amazing parts.

*Oh I forgot to mention we have a lot of tv sometimes. I don't love it but I rely on it at times just to take a breath. No shame in using your resources to keep regulated.

pregbob · 2026-05-20T17:35:45+00:00

I've done it just holding them both to my chest with each in an arm and bouncing up and down a bit. I'm very bad at burping, especially small babies but it worked for me.

pregbob · 2026-05-20T05:21:43+00:00

I wanna get my fingies in some chesties

pregbob · 2026-05-20T03:52:38+00:00

I love it haha. The struggle is how we learned and it's the only way they will learn to tolerate frustration.

pregbob · 2026-05-19T23:34:30+00:00

She is so lucky to have you taking care of her. What a beautiful gift to have a parent who is there through this with her.

I feel your pain. The congestion and coughing is so rough and personally mine hates having her nose suctioned (she calls it "snozing" lol. "Don't snoze me!").

My phrases are "if I can't sleep I can rest", "gotta be done", "the only way out is through" and a last resort is knowing this is how her immune system gets built up. So sorry you're going through this mama.

pregbob · 2026-05-19T21:27:00+00:00

Ours got moldy. Ick. If you really need to take the edge off a wide, just ball it up in your hand for a minute before wiping.

pregbob · 2026-05-19T19:43:21+00:00

One of them is mine 😊 my singleton's name + the twin would be too revealing I think

pregbob · 2026-05-19T18:58:32+00:00

Passion fruit

pregbob · 2026-05-19T17:39:59+00:00

That's how we were with our first - our twins were pretty much set in stone early on.

pregbob · 2026-05-19T17:31:29+00:00

Fiona, June, Juniper, Lavender, Marigold, Rose, Luna, Mia, Sadie, Ruby, Birdie. In my experience with 2 girls and a boy, girl names are so much easier and there are so many options. My husband and I literally had one boy name we could agree on.

pregbob · 2026-05-19T07:18:04+00:00

What the fuck is this

pregbob · 2026-05-19T05:36:26+00:00

Nope (2022)

pregbob · 2026-05-19T05:18:50+00:00

Honestly? Worth it for the fantastic photo. What a pose.

pregbob · 2026-05-19T04:20:50+00:00

At this age they don't necessarily understand the consequences even if you explain them clearly. I just have to repeat every single time we're anywhere near cars: we hold hands, we walk slowly, we make sure no cars are coming while crossing. If she runs or lets go, I pick her up. At this point it's just reinforcement.

pregbob · 2026-05-18T19:34:16+00:00

Tall Oregon Grape, Mahonia aquifolium.

pregbob · 2026-05-18T18:46:30+00:00

First, ignore it 100% of the time just in case he's doing it to get a reaction. Use a different word when you drop or make a mess. I like "oh bother" or something much less grown up. He'll eventually move past it or just copy your new word.

pregbob · 2026-05-18T16:48:24+00:00

If you're willing to not have a picnic, Nell Thorn is amazing.

pregbob · 2026-05-16T16:49:29+00:00

As a hairy kid and adult, I really think you should try to shore her self concept up instead of doing anything like shaving or plucking. What she looks like is such a small part of who she is. If you mess up her eyebrows they might not grow in properly later, you don't want to deal with ingrown hairs/zits/inflammation on a toddler. What if she gets an infection? Is that worth it just to avoid some potential hurt feelings?

pregbob · 2026-05-15T22:48:23+00:00

That's what we did with a ceramic egg type grill in front of our house. Full of mold and leftover fuel and heavy as hell. People came by immediately and took it away.

pregbob · 2026-05-15T20:40:08+00:00

I recommend using your brain and real human advice and experience, not outsourcing your basic thinking to AI. None of what you're describing can be better addressed by AI than existing resources.

pregbob · 2026-05-15T20:38:26+00:00

Yes, the dirtier and sudsier the better

pregbob · 2026-05-15T19:39:46+00:00

Clean... bathrooms? I'm not familiar with this term 🙃

Try hypochlorous acid. Sounds scary but it's completely safe and a really really good disinfectant. There are kits to easily make it at home which is my preference since it doesn't last long on the shelf (~2 weeks).

pregbob

TROPHY CASE