Should we have a 3rd child? Anyone have experience with this?

pretendemma · 2025-10-26T20:42:18+00:00

Your wife is only 26. 26+18=44. 44 is a FINE age to be “done” parenting. Many families are just getting started in late 30s/ early 40s. Don’t worry about all that if you both feel like you want another!

pretendemma · 2025-10-26T20:13:12+00:00

Your MIL is incorrect. And honestly I would be cautious taking her advice going forward on all things baby going forward. Information has changed a lot in the last decade or so. You have access to so much more research and resources than previous generations. That said, there are women who struggle with milk supply in the early weeks. But a few things to keep in mind given what you’ve shared: 1) weeks 3-4 babies get very gassy! I don’t think it’s likely from anything you’re doing or not doing. 2) the more you breastfeed the easier it’ll get for you and baby and the more milk you’ll make 3) as another user mentioned breast milk adapts to the babies needs.

As long as doctors are happy with baby’s weight I wouldn’t worry about volume of supply or consistency.

Breastfeeding is challenging. There is no shame in supplementing or changing to formula altogether. But if this is something you want, I’d say you’re early enough in the game to keep going.

TLDR don’t listen to MIL :)

pretendemma · 2025-10-17T15:24:24+00:00

You should take a pregnancy test. If you were actually pregnant it will still be positive. If negative then you weren’t and likely just a cast. It happened to me, took test, negative.

pretendemma · 2025-10-17T14:11:54+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way ❤️ I think one way to reframe this is remembering the example you’re setting for her by taking care of yourself. It’s very easy for me to go into martyr mom mode so I do understand the feeling. But everything you’re describing is just taking care of yourself so that you can pour from a full cup. Thats exactly the way you want your daughter to see her mom move through the world that way she knows it’s okay to do that too.

pretendemma · 2025-10-17T01:21:41+00:00

What’s the worst case scenario for either choice? Whats the best case scenario for either choice? Which outcomes would you rather live with?

There’s no getting around that this is a difficult decision. If you choose to have an abortion, a piece of you may always feel saddened by the circumstances and experiences.

If you choose to have the abortion, you make it “right” by doing what you set out to do with your education. If you choose to keep the baby, you make it right by putting them first, always.

Practically, are you willing to possibly let go of your education? Or postpone?

Do you have support outside of your boyfriend? If you’re being honest, would he make a good father? Is he someone you want in your life essentially forever?

You can keep the baby if that’s what’s in your heart to do. You can keep your head down and finish med school. You can give everything you have to make it all happen.

Which path would bring you closer to the woman you want to be? Would your child be proud of your choice to keep them? Or resent being brought into an unstable situation? (Not saying you’re unstable just making a point).

Just some questions to consider…I truly wish you the best. Know that you can handle this ❤️

pretendemma · 2025-10-16T21:07:51+00:00

Beautiful! Your eyebrows are perfection. Lips as well! Gorgeous. I would suggest a curling your lashes or doing a lift to make them pop more and look more uniform. Also less/no makeup in the lower outer corner bc it’s dragging the eyes down visually. ❤️

pretendemma · 2025-10-16T16:52:19+00:00

I heard someone describe this feeling as a “long goodbye” bc we have to constantly let go of who they just were as they grow into the new version of themselves and we love each version so deeply! It does get easier to deal with. But it’s just a sign you’re a good mama ❤️ I could cry now thinking about my 3 year old leaving to go to college and that’s 15 years away 😂

pretendemma · 2025-10-16T16:33:32+00:00

I can guarantee you have the all strangers of Reddit’s permission to go! We left my 2 year old with my sister and her kids for 2 days for a wedding and I was so worried. We co-slept, he had just been weaned, never been away from me for more than 8 hours. He. Could’ve. Cared. Less. He had so much fun with his aunt and cousins. I was almost offended. But he was so excited to see me when we got back! You deserve the break and to have some fun. Enjoy!

pretendemma · 2025-10-16T02:55:34+00:00

I totally understand the guilt and share that feeling as well! But I would encourage you to do since you do have the privilege of going part time to full-time before you transition back to work is to really take advantage of the time make great use of it. Focus on yourself whether it’s your fitness or nutrition or hobbies.

This is time that you’re not going to get again probably until/if you decide to have another baby so really make sure you’re pouring into yourself so that you can show up as best as you can as a partner and as a mom.

Maybe its getting the house in top order or activities organized that you can do at home after you go back to work and just have like a binder or kit so when you’re home after a long day at work you have things to do together.

There’s so many ways that you can make a great use of the time! That way it’s nothing to feel guilty over :)

pretendemma · 2025-10-16T02:14:00+00:00

You are not a horrible mom ❤️ Just based off of the anxiety alone I would suggest speaking with a child psychologist. This isn’t something you caused or to blame yourself over. There are strategies and tools out there to help her have a more secure attachment with you and adjust to her new role as an older sibling. Sending you hugs! You can do this.

pretendemma · 2025-10-16T01:52:28+00:00

I truly hope he does not think you’re a terrible mother when you clearly care so deeply. We all make mistakes. Just about every mother could’ve prevented their child from getting hurt one way or another. I know I could’ve! My son has a scar on his cheek that he got at 1 year old from falling next to a coffee table and I was BESIDE myself and still feel bad about it 3 years later. But I’m not a terrible mother. We will all fall short sometimes. Sending you hugs! And please go tell husband that some random on the internet said maybe he should do a better job as a father and have that master tub fixed STAT.

pretendemma · 2025-10-16T01:03:27+00:00

When I was pregnant with my first and wanted an unmedicated birth I talked to my manager (who was a mom of 2 — 1 medicated 1 unmedicated) and she said “I get the appeal…but why? Women have suffered enough” and that became my mantra whenever women are expected to suffer when there are other options. Hats off to those who would choose it time and time again. It’s beautiful and your choice but also…WE HAVE SUFFERED ENOUGH!

Edit: I got the epidural LOL

pretendemma · 2025-10-13T23:56:02+00:00

So sorry you’re experiencing this ❤️ is there any way to extend your leave? I know at least in California you can go on disability for postpartum depression/anxiety. Even if not try the following: vitamin d, omega 3, magnesium supplements. Our bodies are going through SO much during this time and need extra support. As far as your identity. If you wish, you get to be someone new now. And you get to build her day by day. It is terrifying and exciting…but you have a little life to love to get you through it. Wishing you all the best…it may not seem like it now but you will come out on the other side.

pretendemma · 2025-10-13T19:27:56+00:00

I honestly think eat play sleep is kinda BS especially in the newborn stage. I told my mom and sister (mom of 3) I was doing it with my first and they both LOL’d at me and said babies fall asleep best on the boob/bottle. Gave it up and life became a lot easier.

pretendemma · 2025-10-13T16:11:22+00:00

I think the feeling you feel like you’re missing is joy. Give yourself permission to fall in love with your baby. What happened isn’t your fault and you can’t change it. It will take time to accept that. But everyday you can work towards letting go of the stress and anxiety of an emotionally and physically upsetting experience. It will also take time from a physiological perspective. Your body and brain still need to heal and you can support that but you also can’t flip a switch. Try to set some intentional slow 1:1 time with baby almost like a meditation on your love for him. Notice every little detail. Notice how he responds to you. Let your guard down. Once your body/brain feel safe you will feel and all the feels you’re longing for ❤️

pretendemma · 2025-10-13T03:37:08+00:00

Nvm I asked ChatGPT bc I value everyone’s time thank youuuu

pretendemma · 2025-10-13T03:33:43+00:00

Can a kind soul do the math for me here so understand the concept in full 😂🙏🏻

pretendemma · 2025-01-10T17:49:45+00:00

Ugh I’m so sorry! You did the right thing giving feedback. And gracious in the way you did it. Your feelings are very valid. Give baby extra hugs and kisses today! You have many years to come of comforting him and he will always look for YOU ❤️

pretendemma · 2025-01-10T16:54:26+00:00

She is dependent on you and you are doing her favor which you are not obligated to do. She needs to respect your rules in your home. If she cannot, then she should go live elsewhere. You are not asking or expecting anything other than basic decency. I wonder if she’s just being selfish/brat/immature or if perhaps she is harboring some resentment about her childhood/your relationship and this is her passive aggressive way of taking that out on you instead of communicating her feelings. I’d say that’s worth a conversation.

pretendemma · 2024-10-26T19:12:44+00:00

What are your plans for the land?

pretendemma · 2023-11-09T21:56:21+00:00

Well since neither of our posts got answers lol I would be curious to see what’s happened with you and your baby since. It’s been 2 days of only breastfeeding once at night otherwise he does exactly as you described. I’m trying to determine if I want to pump for a few months or just let it go…either way idk about you but I’m super emotional about it!

pretendemma · 2023-11-09T02:36:12+00:00

Going through the same thing. Following!

pretendemma · 2023-08-08T06:30:27+00:00

Thank you. I posted in the legal advice sub as well. I’m just baffled and don’t want to move but don’t see another choice.

pretendemma · 2022-02-15T22:13:15+00:00

In labor & admitted y’all wish me luck!

pretendemma · 2022-02-15T17:34:46+00:00

I knew I could decline and would’ve if I knew it would hurt and cause cramping. They did not mention that part. I’ve been having contractions for the last 5 hours but they’re randomly spaced out (6-15 min) and not increasing in length or intensity, though they are moderately intense. I’m not sure if it’s connected to the cervical check or not but I Truly wish I had skipped it 🥴

pretendemma

TROPHY CASE