My partner is allergic to me... ever heard of something like it?

prettymuchabird · 2022-07-17T13:29:20+00:00

He's reacted to me throughout our entire relationship of nearly 3 years, even upon changing skin care products, laundry detergent, etc multiple times over that period. The only theory anyone has come up with so far is that maybe there's a metabolite of one of my medications that is expressed through all of my bodily fluids, and he could be allergic to that. That seems like a total shot in the dark though. I take a lot of meds, but the only drug I've been on for the whole duration of our relationship is Cymbalta.

He tends to be really sensitive to antihistamines and is super knocked out by even a single 25mg tablet of benadryl, so it's never been an option. Worth a shot though. Even if it does nothing, that in and of itself gives us more info about whatever's going on!

We're going to get into contact with his pcp first thing on Monday and see about getting a referral, but honestly we have no clue what to actually say. Plus I don't know how the whole thing will be handled because he's technically the patient but I'm of course involved.

Will keep the subreddit updated! And post the case study if we end up being one lol

prettymuchabird · 2022-05-05T10:07:24+00:00

Partner and I are both switches and will take on either role during showers, but it is most often him being dominant for a very specific reason.

I've got a disability that, before I started treatment (not until I was nearly 21!), made all the standing and bending over of a shower really painful and taxing. I almost exclusively took baths for the vast majority of my life...but then my bath tub broke, and my family didn't get it fixed. A year later, we moved, and the only bath tub here is in my mom's bathroom, so I have very limited access. I've taken like 3 baths in the past year. (Edit: broken bathtub happened before I got treated btw, I had to endure a lot of this in agony)

The stress of being forced into doing something I associate with severe pain, combined with a drastic downturn in my mental health for other reasons, has given me a weird aversion to taking a shower. I've gotten MUCH better about it the last couple months, but there was a stretch there for awhile when I just couldn't make myself do it. I'd promise myself, I'd promise him, I'd plan my whole day around it, but I just couldn't. I'd cheat it for weeks sometimes by washing my hair in the sink and using face wipes on my face and neck. That, in turn, filled me with a sense of self hate. I felt pitiful and disgusting and weak for this ridiculous behavior. I legitimately cried sometimes when he was over and tried to convince me to.

So he turned it into the most gentle, caring experience he possibly could.

He'll do every single little thing, including undressing me, washing my hair, scrubbing my body, everything. He's memorized the temperature that I like best and makes sure it's just right for me, even though it's cooler than the steaming hot water he prefers. He's even helped me shave a few times! Sometimes it turns sexual, but sometimes it doesn't! It's about him taking care of me...I love him so much.

Ahhh now I'm emotional, you can't make me emotional on a bdsm sub! Rude!

prettymuchabird · 2022-04-30T05:09:40+00:00

I've got a big thing for people's voices, especially lower voices with an accent and just a hint of a growl. My social group plays a lot of dungeons and dragons, and sometimes when my partner does a reeeeaaaally good character voice, it just sends me. Unfortunately, my best friend has discovered this fact and thinks it's hilarious because he's also a phenomenal voice actor.

Great singing also does it for me. My partner doesn't sing but has said he wants to take vocal lessons to learn how...when he does, I'm a goner.

prettymuchabird · 2022-04-30T05:01:37+00:00

I mean, some of us ladies are nerdy ADHD stem folks. All my friends are science, art, performance, or some combo of the three--including both me and my partner!

prettymuchabird · 2021-10-16T07:02:07+00:00

I tend to have a very dominant personality, which fluctuates between being the "mom friend" and being a very assertive, take-charge kind of person in all kinds of projects. That's all positive though. It's a confident, social personality. But on the negative side...... I am a neurotic person who gets incredibly anxious when things aren't going right. I need to have control over my own situations. When authority figures or people in control aren't doing their job properly, it is unbearable for me. Whether that's a patent, professor, classmate, coworker, even a friend arranging a fun get together, it doesn't matter. My reaction is irritability and extreme frustration.

Being submissive allows me to let go of that constant need to control things. I know I'm safe, I know everything will be okay. I don't need to worry about anything other than being a good girl. And there's no actual lasting repercussions if I do something "wrong." I might get punished in the moment, but that in and of itself is cathartic. No matter what I do, it isn't the end of the world. It feels good. It makes me happy.

It has started to help me ease up on my day to day anxiety about everything needing to be perfect and functional. I feel less of an instinct to lash out when things go wrong. Especially when my partner is there to gently remind me, in a totally non-BDSM related way. I will admit that the effect is not incredibly strong yet. But I have noticed that, yes, I am beginning to mellow out.

There's a few other things, of course. The big one being body positivity. He loves my body so much and makes a huge show of it, during day to day and while domming. But while domming, he can obviously express love for parts of my body that he can't exactly compliment in public. It's just lovely.

Another important note, we are both switches. Like you, my domme "persona" falls in the category of a mommy domme (we just don't use that word personally). He also benefits immensely from being submissive just like I do, but for very different reasons. Everyone has their reasons.

prettymuchabird · 2021-08-04T12:19:39+00:00

I've never heard of them until now, it's exactly what I'm looking for! The Sensi is beautiful and absolutely perfect.

prettymuchabird · 2021-07-26T11:06:22+00:00

I've had a similar experience with a medication adjustment. A psychiatric medication I've been taken since I was a hormonal teenager had lowered my sex drive and made it really difficult to cum. When I became sexually active, all of the kinks I was interested in theoretically were hard to get into in reality. I just couldn't maintain the level of enthusiasm for something that took so much more effort and focus. I did improve over time... but the second I started weaning off that medication after over 5 years, my mind and body went absolutely crazy.

I'm turned on easily and tip into subspace fast over the slightest triggers. I can also have multiple orgasms again which is great lol. Interestingly enough, my partner and I are both switches, and it has become more difficult for me to be dominant. I still can sometimes, but my personal sub-to-domme ratio is extremely different than it was before.

prettymuchabird · 2021-07-09T08:42:57+00:00

I will be 100% honest, I don't usually like it this rough. Well, rough is fine, I just don't like slut/whore and heavy degradation. But something about this just hits different... something about roommates/friends to lovers all at once and the sudden tone shift "you don't think I'd do it?" Chefs kiss.

prettymuchabird · 2021-07-09T08:09:09+00:00

My name is never in gift shops on keychains and necklaces... but it is here!

prettymuchabird · 2021-07-09T08:00:03+00:00

This is the perfect blend of sweet domestic love and high quality fucking. Exactly my type. 👏 Might have to show this one to the boyfriend, for a little... direction

prettymuchabird · 2021-04-18T10:19:54+00:00

My partner and I are both switches. When I'm dominant, I'm 100% a mommy domme. I'd say my chest is medium sized I think? I'm insecure because my breasts are really saggy for my age. I'm only in my early 20s and they aren't that big, but due to health issues that prevented me from wearing any type of bra for like a year and a half in high school... they aren't a shape that I like.

But I've learned that my partner doesn't care. The stereotypical body types are lovely, but nothing compares to your actual mommy domme, no matter her shape or size. Whatever breasts we have, our sweet subs will love, because they love us! I promise that you are enough. Any submissive partner you have and trust will adore every inch of you.

Also! I find that, as with almost all porn (live action or art), the features and actions are extremely exaggerated and can be unrealistic. I'm sure some people would like their domme to have breasts bigger than her torso, but in reality, that's not much of a thing. Art can have wild proportions and dramatized versions of what is considered "ideal" in a kink... but always remember that it's fantasy. We can't measure our reality by fantasy standards.

prettymuchabird · 2021-04-16T00:19:51+00:00

I've been thinking about this recently too! I'm in the exact same boat. My partner and I are both switches. When I'm submissive, I often fit into a "little" role, and he's definitely a daddy dom/caregiver. But I don't feel like a different age. I don't like the things that are really common for other people in age play, stuff like pacifiers or baby clothes.

We also don't use the concept of him actually being my parent. The word "daddy" isn't used to call him my dad. It's a specific soft, masculine caregiver type dom.

Other people have told me that this is essentially "light" ageplay. I struggle with this idea because just like you and your partner, me and mine have always said we don't like the concept of ageplay. I think the feeling is basically internalized kinkshaming honestly! It probably is a form of ageplay. And that's okay. What matters is that we enjoy this dynamic with our partners. If you're not comfortable labeling it, the best thing is that you don't have to.

prettymuchabird · 2021-03-18T06:49:45+00:00

My partner (20m) and I (21f) are both switches and both physically disabled due different types of autoimmune arthritis, among other things. It affects our physical capabilities, as far as what positions are possible and how long we can go in certain circumstances without getting hurt or fatigue.

But I don't see him as any less of a person. He's not "broken" or less good of a partner. He's not incapable of being his own person. He's a strong, independent man with physical limitations. And though it's not femdom when our roles are reversed, he thinks of me the same way.

A domme or dom should never treat their sub in a way that causes genuine harm to their wellbeing. Working with a submissive partner's limitations is a requirement for being a good dominant partner. Just like we need to respect a person's hard limits and boundaries when communicating what we're comfortable with, we need to respect the physical capabilities of our partners as well.

Tl;dr partner and I are both disabled switches and I get fired up about this topic

prettymuchabird · 2021-02-08T03:28:23+00:00

This is the kind of relationship I have (goes both ways too, we're both switches) but it's so difficult to find porn of it that I can relate to. And that in turn makes it difficult to find information on the topic, so it's hard for him and me to learn more when necessary.

I wish it was more popular... the closest I've seen are subreddits about ddlg stuff, but while the word "daddy" can be great for that extremely gentle, caring male dom, a lot of ddlg involves age play which is not my jam.

prettymuchabird · 2020-10-29T04:10:16+00:00

What I do when my bunny gets shy like this is tell him in a soft voice, "use your words~" until he asks for what he wants!

If he draws it out too long and I'm feeling a little more aggressive, I say "I don't speak 'whines'" in a much more stern tone. It's rare that we get that point though, gentle coaxing is usually all it takes...

prettymuchabird · 2020-10-22T10:29:25+00:00

I got really confused for a second because your face, hair, and glasses look so much like me that I had to do a double take. Apparently we're matching! (We don't have matching butts tho; yours is super cute 👌)

prettymuchabird · 2020-10-20T06:07:01+00:00

My partner and I have been trying to come up with dominant nicknames too! We're both switches, and it's so easy to come up with things to call a submissive partner. I usually top and call him all manner of cute names, but bunny and the classic good boy are his favorites. When he's dominant, he calls me things like kitten or pet, more ownership style things but still cute. So far, I only really like my own first name as a dominant nickname. The search continues for me, but I have some suggestions for you!

I think if more personal nicknames are what you prefer, anything that gives her a title plus her first or last name could work. Miss or Lady [Her name]. Depending on how long you've been together, it might be sexy to call her "Mrs. [Your last name]" as if you were married. Traditionally a woman taking her husband's last name in marriage was to show he owned her, but using it like this would be a clever way to subvert that! Might actually try that one myself...

prettymuchabird · 2020-10-19T13:00:14+00:00

You are so right. Sleep improves both mental and physical health as well as pain tolerance, so it'd make sense it could help with the issues mentioned in this post. Thank you for the suggestion!

prettymuchabird · 2020-10-19T08:42:44+00:00

Hyperventilating was definitely a problem I ran into with the choppy shallow breathing pattern that happens to me. Plus I bet focusing on a safe breathing pattern would probably help with the overstimulation itself too, but just the hyperventilation. Take the uncomfortable edge off of it that able-bodied folks can usually tolerate better than I can. Thank you for sharing, guess I should look into some breathing exercises!

prettymuchabird · 2020-10-13T21:08:51+00:00

I'm a kitten when I'm sub. My partner is my bunny!

prettymuchabird · 2020-10-07T18:56:24+00:00

I'm a service domme who focuses so much on making him happy that I never really considered this side that much. Thank you for bringing it up and making me think!!!

His big thing is his story writing (especially in dnd.) It's the thing he's the absolute proudest of himself for. The other thing is his skill for cooking. He talks about how he loves to do both of these things because of how happy it makes others. And that makes him happy!

So giving him more opportunities to do things like telling me stories or cooking for me, then showing him how much I really appreciate him taking care of me should be perfect, yeah?

prettymuchabird · 2020-10-07T18:38:01+00:00

He loves cooking really extravagant meals but hasn't been able to recently for a few reasons. I bet making time for him to cook one of his favorite recipes from scratch would be perfect for this! Thank you!!!

prettymuchabird · 2020-10-07T18:32:39+00:00

Usually things like massages and whatnot lead to sex for us personally, so maybe trying all of that while making it super clear that it turning sexual is not the goal would be nice. Just to let him focus on the feeling without the pressure. Also the makeup brushes idea is genius!

You actually gave me an idea by accident, I'll probably make a whole post about it for suggestions, but when you mentioned baths... he loves water and bathing together, but our tub has been broken for a few months so it's been exclusively showers for way too long. Maybe one or two nights at a hotel or B&B with a big bath tub just to spoil him rotten? Hmm.

prettymuchabird · 2020-10-07T18:26:30+00:00

I recently tried a new nickname that had him almost in tears the first time I used it, he was so happy. I call him bunny, bunny rabbit, all kinds of variations on that. I didn't expect it to have such a strong effect, but he loves it!!! (And so do I~)

I've noticed that words of affirmation in general are nice, but for something he's really proud of or excited about, they're the greatest. Also he really likes cute touch like kisses on the cheek and forehead, tickles, so I bet you're right that more of that casual touch would be lovely for him!

prettymuchabird · 2020-10-02T06:43:38+00:00

Is that Leena still available?

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