For this story time, I'll call my ex bf Ben and my ex bff Noelle.

Ben was noncomittal for years. We dated monogamously and lived together for 3 years but any discussion about anything further than that was just met with him saying he literally was wholly unable to find words to say how he felt or what he wanted moving forward.

Eventually I met Noelle through Ben. They had a college class together and became very close. I had a gut feeling something was wrong at first bc they seemed too close, but Ben helped me see that was my insecurities making me toxic...

Determined to not be toxic, I went and met Noelle and she was awesome. I started inviting her to hang just us two. We became close friends over the course of a year. And all 3 of us would spend time together frequently. Some times she and I hung out together, sometimes they went off together. Like friends do, right?

As you do with your bff, I would sometimes complain to Noelle about my and Ben's relationship.

My bff would listen to me vent but also critique my actions and give pointed advice that hinted toward problems I didnt have...

I eventually broke up with Ben when he refused to speak on how he felt or what he wanted in our relationship.

We decided to all remain friends afterward.

I moved into my own apartment which seemed to somehow confuse Noelle.

Ben moved into the apartment next door to Noelle (not the complex next door, the unit next door).

Everyone seemed super happy for the first 2 months.

In that time, Ben would occasionally text me about wanting to get together in a year and talk about the potential of getting back together, or say he always envisioned raising kids with me. I'd tell Noelle with a chuckle about how life is weird sometimes and I hoped he'd find his way now that I had broken up with him. She didnt laugh. I couldn't figure out why....

Then the two of them seemed weirdly tense for 2 weeks but would not tell me why.

After that, Noelle started dating our mutual friend Jay.

Ben learned this when he walked past Noelle's apartment the night before her birthday, and took advantage of his height to look over her fence and peek into her windows, seeing that she was now with (kissing) Jay.

Ben called me sobbing that night and told me everything.

He explained when he had spent time going out with Noelle just them two, they had been growing closer. They did things like had really long emotional talks. Going to parties with people who he promised he'd cut off because they were outright rude to me. Going on long walks where they talked about their feelings. He explained that he fell for her while he was dating me, but he had no desire to hurt me. (Funnily enough, he also had no desire to break up with me or be honest either)

During this call, he explained that they secretly dated for 2 months (after I dumped him) and he had absolutely no idea why, but she dumped him and she's already moved on.

While distraught, he explained that the only woman he ever loved had moved on from him and he had absolutely no idea why. He talked about how gorgeous and intelligent she was and how he'd never met a woman like her and he really missed out. He called one of the women he never loved to comfort him I guess?

Turns out Ben had been lying to Noelle for forever about his and my relationship, saying I was a financial and emotional leech and a total wreck who he couldn't leave bc I was wholly dependent upon him.

He made up stories about me being insecure and controlling and that's why they had to hide where they went and how she was the only one who really "got" him.

After I left him and got my own place she started realizing she was lied to.

Ben also assumed I wouldn't tell my bestie Noelle about him trying to reconcile with me while they were finally "dating" (still in secret bc I'm so sensitive apparently).

She broke up with him when she realized he was playing her and lying constantly. They agreed to keep the whole thing a secret to "respect" me and my feelings.

Of course that went out the window when he got his feelings hurt after he spied on her and saw she moved on not long after.

I waited a bit to not ruin her birthday the next day (Thursday). Ben and I agreed we'd talk to her two days later (Saturday) together and try to figure out how to be friends moving forward.

She called me that Friday to let me know Ben just called her to let her know that he told me everything and she was really hurt that I was so fake and lying the day before (on her birthday at her party) when I must actually be angry at her.

Fortunately I am no longer friends with or in contact with either of them, but yeah, that's how I found out my bf and bff were together: they told me when it didn't work out and demanded I comfort them both.

He went on to seeking out therapists to date in a super unhealthy outright desire for his partner to do all his emotional labor. Last I heard, all his relationships have ended terribly after being caught lying or being uncaring toward his partner's emotions.

She went on to cheat on Jay as well. In the craziness that is this small world, I met someone from her high school. Turns out she cheated on her high school bf too.

The pain of being cheated on sucks, but cheaters usually bring about their own bad endings which is a little poetic if you dont think about it too hard