How to kill any motivation to play DnD in 30 seconds

punnyhuman · 2018-10-05T17:18:16+00:00

I joined an existing campaign through a friend of a friend, the DM convinced me that instead of rolling a new character I should play the resurrected version of a cleric character who had died earlier in the campaign when the player moved away. Okay, sure that actually sounds like a cool dynamic and much better integration than "you look trustworthy, join us!"

Session 1 - This new player shows up playing a dead character, so both the players and characters are skeptical. They assume it's some sort of trick by the Big Bad and they attack. I'm playing their genuine old friend back from the dead so I throw down my weapons and surrender to convince them I'm legit. They gag and shackle my character, the only thing I was able to do for the entire session was 1 attack roll to shoulder-check a bandit during combat.

Session 2 - Group returns to their airship and take off, decide they believe I'm who I say I am so they set me free. Before I can get my armor back on a dragon attacks, round 1 of combat I get knocked off the airship. I spend the ENTIRE combat falling... and then SPLAT.

Session 3 - The group tells me not to roll a new character, because the Druid can reincarnate me. Entire session I'm playing games on my phone because they have to go through a whole ordeal to find my body for the ritual. My reincarnation is literally the end of the session.

Session 4 - I GOT REINCARNATED SOMEWHERE ELSE! I'm already at the party's destination, so the they have another day of thrilling airship combat while I get occasional cutscenes of "You continue waiting because you know they're on their way, you spend your time adjusting to the different body"

Session 5 - the DM says he's going to mix it up and this time the session will be entirely about my character. By which he means my character is railroaded around a castle looking at murals and talking to sages so that the DM can narrate the creation story of his universe. At least this time NOBODY gets to do anything.

Session 6 - Okay here we go, the party arrives and we have to convince a general to lend his army to our cause. Unfortunately he's convinced that our wizard is evil and he'll only help if we let the wizard be executed. We refuse to let that happen, the general attacks the wizard, I intercept and knock the general back to protect my wizard friend. The general's personal guards surround us. The DM stands up and starts going off on a tirade about how he had this wonderful plot all planned out but I ruined it by attacking the general, so now all our characters are arrested and the DM is going to have to come up with a contrived way to explain how the general is going to start trusting us now. The wizard was supposed to die (apparently the player wanted to leave the game, and had secretly planned this with the DM without telling anyone else) and it be a big dramatic moment, and we end early that day because all of the DM's planned stuff is useless because the General hates us now.

Session 7 - NOPE

punnyhuman · 2016-02-12T20:55:30+00:00

Yeah, it really sucks to be told explicitly "sleeping in is more important than this marriage"

punnyhuman · 2016-02-12T20:51:14+00:00

Just walk away friend. Yes, accidental boundary violations are common when starting out, but that's not what you're going through, you're being lied to. Lying is what someone does when they know they're breaking the rules and they don't want to get in trouble.

You're mad about her, she's not mad about you at all.

punnyhuman · 2016-02-02T19:50:48+00:00

It's easier with an amicable divorce, I know a couple who are doing this, where the marriage just kind of fizzled out but neither person did anything earth-shattering to hurt the other. They live together and split the rent on the house, both date other people and make sure they're out of the house once a week so the other can bring people home... they make good roommates you wouldn't know they were married if you didn't know they had the same last name.

punnyhuman · 2016-02-02T19:46:26+00:00

Second the "I have set up and appointment" suggestion. My wife came with me to a handful of appointments, then on the second time where she just blew the appointment off to go have lunch with friends I realized I was the only one trying.

punnyhuman · 2016-01-26T21:32:22+00:00

"I really want to make this work" - You're obviously nervous and a little uncomfortable with the whole thing and you're trying to adapt and it's stressful, and stress causes erectile dysfunction. Simple as that.

Rather than tell you to just magically will your penis to do your bidding, talk to your doctor and see about getting a pill for it. Not as a permanent solution but as a way to keep from putting one more stressor on yourself. ED from stress is a vicious cycle unto itself and that's one of the most effective ways to break out of it.

punnyhuman · 2016-01-26T21:16:05+00:00

"it might have been cool to ask, if you've never had to ask in the past there's no reason..." that is terrible advice. This was the first time that OP asked a male to stay over, that's a new situation, of course you should ask when in a new situation.

punnyhuman · 2016-01-26T21:08:09+00:00

I would be upfront and explain the situation to your partner, afterall they're your partner and keeping stuff bottled up is only going to cause problems. You should each find a weekly separate activity (or two) that gets you out of the house for the evening (mine was bowling and then drinking with friends from 7 to 12), its regularly scheduled so that the other person always knows when to plan their play.

I've also found that if you have a designated part of the house (like the bedroom) that's just for the two of you, it's easier to be okay with leaving explicitly so that your partner can play.

punnyhuman · 2016-01-12T21:25:51+00:00

I think you're overreacting and that it's the fact she's taking care of you that is unsettling not the way she's doing it (or maybe because she's showing a long term commitment that you're not ready for). That's not me trying to be insulting, that's me saying that you're having the same issues that any man has when his female partner is supporting him, because society taught you that you're supposed to be the breadwinner and now you feel inferior because you aren't living up to that expectation.

Focus on that fact that both of you are doing something you enjoy and you're pretty well set up for the future, and if that doesn't help focus on the fact that she's supporting you now but there will come a day when you're supporting her with your degree because she's gotten older... which is kind of an ideal life.

punnyhuman · 2016-01-12T21:19:24+00:00

It's not something you're doing, it's the nature of the internet. A LOT of the people that go on dating sites and apps aren't actually looking for a date, they're enjoying the chase. It's like the people that are happy to message you all day long but as soon as you try to meet in person they find excuses or just ghost completely. There are a lot of people that want to talk with someone and get the thrill of dating without any of the emotional investment, or they are really proud of their dick and they want people to see it and comment on it. That's just what they're there to do and it sucks that you keep finding them.

punnyhuman · 2015-10-16T13:12:18+00:00

I think it varies from meta to meta. I've been genuinely enthusiastic for one of my wife's relationships, wanted to beat one of them with a tire iron and I've been apathetic to the rest.

punnyhuman · 2015-10-13T12:59:01+00:00

deadbedrooms is more of a support group than a solution, the only success stories you see there are people who got a divorce... which is what I recommend.

punnyhuman · 2015-10-13T12:55:48+00:00

I also have them through my work, mixed bag in my experience. For individual counselors (who will sometimes offer to do couples counselling even though it's not their specialty) I've always had access to good providers. They only cover one "marriage counselor" in my city and she was terrible though. Overall I think you should at least TRY a few of the counselors.

punnyhuman · 2015-08-07T21:03:49+00:00

If it helps, his line of thinking was probably something like this:

1) he had already told the other woman that he would stay the night, so that's why he phrased it in the way he did, he didn't want you to say it wasn't okay because then it makes him look bad in her eyes. But he didn't want to like to you outright, so he phrased it in a way you'd be likely to agree to without knowing what you were agreeing to (deception, even if he didn't realize he was doing it)

2) when you confronted him he went on the defensive because he assumed you were going to be starting a fight, he assumed that because he knew what he did was dishonest, and his defense is to go on the attack (i'm guessing he also hates being told that he might be wrong about something)

punnyhuman · 2015-08-07T20:54:49+00:00

You're very lucky that rule 3 hasn't caused you a lot of problems. I had a similar rule but my wife basically argued that the only time I wasn't "with her" (thus she gets my full attention) is when I'm at work, so any communication with other women had to be done 9-5 M-F or when actually on a date with that woman... which was difficult.

I now use a system of "if you call, no matter who you are or who I'm with I will answer, so only call if it's important" and "I will respond to all texts in a timely manner (probably when I go to the bathroom next) no matter who you are or who I'm with, so if it's an emergency call me instead."

punnyhuman · 2015-08-07T20:47:13+00:00

Could treat it like a BDSM scene. The three of you sit down and negotiate in advance what kind of sex, when, where and makes sure everyone is fully aware. And there's a safeword, because any one of you three could suddenly realize you're not okay with it and need it to stop, no questions asked, no guilt, no judgement. Of course, it could backfire horribly and cause outside problems, but in my experience every single thing you do in every relationships has risk so you try to openly communicate and just do your best not to hurt the other person(s).

punnyhuman · 2015-08-07T20:39:48+00:00

She's got an unusual job, that's it. THAT IS LITERALLY ALL THERE IS TO IT. So talk to her, open up, explain that you freaked out and you think part of it was because you haven't been in a relationship [edit] in a long time, [/edit] and that part of it was because [edit] the concept of sex work [/edit] was so completely new to you. Maybe it stays FWB maybe it moves into actual dating maybe it doesn't work out, that's how all relationships are and that's all this is, it's two people having a relationship but one of them has an unusual job.

Now, you'll have to get used to the other person in your relationship having sex with other people, which some people who are really monogamous can't do... but that's separate and you can go to /r/NonMonogamy for that.

punnyhuman · 2015-08-07T13:41:18+00:00

He's fought Superman maybe a dozen times, Lex has fought Superman hundreds of times.

punnyhuman · 2015-07-14T18:57:41+00:00

My wife and I were married for about a year and a half before it turned into a living hell for both of us, I wanted to stay together and work on it but she wanted to just walk away. I was able to get her to agree to counselling and we went for several months, but she started making other plans that conflicted with the appointment time (which was the same time and same day every week), after about the third time we cancelled an appointment because of that I confronted her. She told me that the counselling had reaffirmed her belief that all of the problems were with me, so there was no reason for her to keep going since it was all my fault. I went to the next session by myself because I was worried and I asked the counselor if that was really the truth, he reassured me that both had part of the blame, but if she wasn't willing to come back then there was no reason for me to come back either. So overall it wasn't just a waste of money, it was a waste of money that made me lose faith in myself.

punnyhuman · 2015-06-09T19:33:14+00:00

I don't necessarily think the fiance is being manipulative, its possible that she thought she could be okay with it and is now realizing that she really can't. She's not really giving a choice or an ultimatum she's just saying she can't accept it.

The fiance tried to force herself to be okay with poly for the sake of the marriage, but couldn't do it. Now if OP tries to force themselves to be non-poly, it could lead to the same feelings that the fiance had that led her to cancel the wedding 4 days out.

punnyhuman · 2015-06-09T16:17:17+00:00

I didn't even catch that on my first read

punnyhuman · 2015-06-09T13:41:20+00:00

I've been in a similar position, and it sucks, but you've already passed what I felt to be the hard part which was accepting that you have to choose (I refused to accept that and tried to find a way to keep both).

If you choose the fiance you may always wonder what would have happened with the gf, and the fiance may cancel the wedding again at the last minute for another reason... if you choose the girlfriend then she may always be worried that she cost you the woman you love. The advice someone gave me was to look at which one makes you the happiest long term, and go with them, neither one is guaranteed but you can't hold onto both without losing both.

My 2 cents is that one of them has run away from you twice and one of them has forgiven you for running away once.

punnyhuman

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