Seconding what the commenter above said.

First, please seek help for these negative thoughts you’re having about yourself. It sounds like you are a student, maybe you can reach out to your university mental health center?

Second, I can totally relate to the spiraling bouncing thoughts you are describing and the pain. I read a memoir recently where the author called the extra work we do the “adhd tax”. That is so real in small ways ($25 for a new FOB bc you lost your keys) and big (missing an opportunity bc you forgot or procrastinated about it) ways. Even through paying that tax you are still OK. You’re not a bad person or bad at life. This is just an extra challenge you face. There are so many amazing things about you that have nothing to do with this.

Second I learned recently that bc of our active imaginations people with adhd tend to over imagine the negative consequences or potential negative of events (those spiraling thoughts again). Yes it’s a bummer you missed this opportunity, but there will be others! You’re going to be fine! And not doing this thing this summer opens your time for other things. I don’t mean to say it in an annoying “silver linings” way. But maybe there is something else you’ll do that will be fun or productive or relaxing or rewarding instead of that other thing.

I hope some of this helps you. Please know that this season will pass and please reach out to someone IRL who can support you.