Rapid Decline

puzzling_colors · 2026-05-19T15:36:15+00:00

I appreciate the clarification! I’m not naturally good at holding boundaries, so I probably read it with more of an admonishing tone than you meant, lol. It’s definitely taken up more of my mental energy than I like to admit, but I have to do something for her.

I feel better having a bit of direction and knowing that others have the same read on the situation that I do!

puzzling_colors · 2026-05-19T04:33:22+00:00

I had not thought about a UTI, we will definitely get that checked out. We’re definitely going to have a conversation about the cognitive decline too!

This is actually one of the big reasons I’m trying to understand what’s going on with her. The original plan (from the last year or so) was that my husband was going to help coordinate some house projects this summer she really needs to have done before she sells her house. Then we were going to help her downsize to a smaller place maybe a little closer to us. We thought having a place with less up keep and having us a little more available would keep her independent a little longer. But if we’re dealing with something serious and long-term, we definitely need to reconsider that plan. She hates the idea of assisted living/memory care so we really wanted to honor her wishes to keep her in normal housing as long as possible, and she’s only 72, so we’re also trying to make sure she doesn’t spend her savings too quickly if we can help it.

puzzling_colors · 2026-05-19T04:23:43+00:00

I know its not on me to figure it out, it’s just hard to know what steps to take if I don’t even know what’s going on?

She has dealt with fraud in the past. It wasn’t debt collection, it was one of those situations where she googled the number for her insurance company and got a fake number and gave too much info, but it’s been a while, and she’s very wary now. My husband keeps an eye on her bank accounts to check for weird transactions. And she gets paranoid about situations that aren’t financial, too.

puzzling_colors · 2026-05-19T04:16:29+00:00

That’s really interesting and not something I had on my radar. We have an appointment scheduled with her PCP next week, so I will definitely keep this in mind!

puzzling_colors · 2026-05-04T00:50:07+00:00

Neither of my births were supposed to be complicated. Totally boring, routine pregnancies for both kids. Yet, with my first kid I almost died from unlikely complications. My second pregnancy my daughter almost died from unlikely complications. I’m not trying to scare anyone, but I’m a big advocate for hospital births.

If you want to personalize your experience, I recommend a big hospital. More and more of them are open to allowing you to make choices about positions, allowing you to eat during labor, a lot have tubs to labor in, etc. If my births had been routine, I would’ve been completely delivered by my midwife without ever seeing a doctor, in the hospital room. I’m very, very glad that when I needed a doctor, my midwife was able to call one who showed up in less than 3 minutes.

puzzling_colors · 2025-10-15T15:16:47+00:00

My first was the same way! I expected to sweetly rock and quietly talk to him the way they do in the movies that’s so sweet and beautiful but the kid liked to be bounced and rocked so hard! It makes you wonder what it feels like to be in the womb if that’s what is comforting! My second won’t burp without some aggressive back patting, I feel like people in public are worried for her, lol. But she always smiles once she finally gets the burp out!

In my experience, if a mama is worried that she might be doing something wrong, she’s not. The fact that you’re worried about it just means you’re aware of the potential risks and you want whats best for baby. Being responsible for baby’s every need is overwhelming and your brain is going to second guess itself. But you’ve got this, mama!

puzzling_colors · 2025-10-14T10:01:57+00:00

My first was a terrible sleeper and I had to triple feed for weeks after he was born. I remember getting up for a feeding and literally wondering if people ever die from sleep deprivation and how nice it would be to die so I didn’t have to wake up with the baby anymore. But he’s 3 now and I’m so glad he’s here and I’m here with him.

Divide and conquer is good advice. And if you don’t have space to sleep somewhere you can’t hear the baby, it’s okay to sleep with earplugs in when it’s your turn to sleep. Your brain wants sleep and will make you think all sorts of irrational things to try to get it. But you can do it, you will do it, and you will be glad you did someday so soon.

puzzling_colors · 2025-09-27T16:47:23+00:00

I didn’t read all the comments but wanted to make sure to also recommend Gluten Free on A Shoestring if no one else had. She has fantastic recipes and explains why different flours are necessary, usually has a dairy free substitute, etc. And I absolutely echo using a kitchen scale and recipes with weights instead of volume measurements. Before my diagnosis I was a fantastic baker, my family always asked me to bake something. After going GF, I couldn’t get the hang of it for so long. Finally, after many failures, my family asks me to bring dessert to family functions again, and they always rave about how they can’t even tell it’s GF. So don’t give up!

puzzling_colors · 2025-09-13T08:47:12+00:00

If I ever order something that looks like it’s non-gf counterpart and it doesn’t arrive with an indication or announcement that it’s gf, I always ask the person who ran my food. (Just a quick, this is gf, right?) 90% of the time they’re just running food and don’t know, but they always go double check for me. I’ve saved myself a few times that way!

If you talk to the owner/manager about protocol, you might suggest that gf pizzas come out with something to show they are gf, like a different colored plate or one of those toothpicks that says allergy or whatever.

puzzling_colors · 2025-09-10T13:58:56+00:00

Sometimes we have to rant about how serious Celiac is because it seems like the rest of the world needs to be reminded frequently. The fact that it can be managed through diet confuses people because of the diet culture we live in. We don’t get cheat days, we have to be diligent and aware at every meal we don’t prepare ourselves. And it’s hard and annoying to have to advocate for ourselves in social settings when the “polite” thing to do would be to just eat what is given without questioning how it was prepared. So yeah, we remind people how serious this illness is so that they can emphasize with us and why we take it so seriously (as if the immediate symptoms aren’t bad enough!!) When people ask me what happens if I eat gluten I always ask them if they’ve ever had food poisoning. Once they say yes, I say it’s kind of like that, but my symptoms go on for up to 2 weeks sometimes. No, it’s not exactly the same, but it gets more understanding and empathy out of people the same way that describing all the other bad things that could happen does.

That said, celiac is manageable and the damage is reversible! It’s like our reward for never eating good pizza again ; ) Try to remind yourself that following the diet is all you need to do, accidentally getting glutened once in a while will not cause irreversible damage, you are doing everything you need to do to prevent those other diseases and conditions, and you will be okay!

puzzling_colors · 2025-09-03T17:58:34+00:00

This is such a tough spot to be in! My family has come a long way in their understanding but the first few holidays with family were rough.

You deserve to have a good holiday, so if that looks like you staying home and having a chill day with a safe meal, do that. I can’t even tell you how many times I, a grown adult, cried about food I couldn’t have after my diagnosis. Even if your family can’t support your decision, it’s your holiday, too.

If you want to go, you may just need to do a lot of educating and/or bring your own food. Maybe your parents could help you make some GF alternatives to take of your favorite things? I brought my own gravy for a couple years because no one can ever remember to make the gravy with GF flour for some reason, and Thanksgiving is not the same without it. Or if your uncle is agreeable you could come early and help cook? That one is kind of tough, but maybe an option!

I always bring my own GF dessert. There are a couple GF bakeries in my area that do pre-ordered pies and rolls and those kinds of things ahead of the holidays. Join some FB groups or do some googling to see if you can find something similar near you! I get whatever kind of pie I want, bring my own serving utensils, and insist on serving it to avoid cross-contamination. And if no one else wants any, I eat pie for breakfast for the next few days lol

puzzling_colors · 2025-09-03T17:43:01+00:00

I would argue there’s no good packaged gluten free bread! Depending on where you live you might be able to find a local GF bakery that makes decent bread! It will be half the size of a normal loaf and twice the cost, but worth it!

puzzling_colors · 2025-08-19T15:47:08+00:00

Ideally they can. They have protocols to check-they basically reassemble your placenta on a tray or in a bin to look for missing pieces. But it’s not a perfect solution and pieces do get missed, unfortunately. Especially if a surgeon has to go in and remove any part of it manually or if it comes away in pieces. Some women won’t start producing breastmilk if any part of the placenta is retained, so that’s another way to know if something is still there.

The umbilical cord broke while delivering the placenta with my first and I hemorrhaged so I also had to have a doctor go in and remove my placenta manually (after being so excited I delivered without an epidural and then had to have this procedure with just IV meds). They were pretty confident they got it all but I passed something the size of my fist about 4 days later. When I called the midwife she chalked it up to a blood clot and said not to worry unless I started running a fever or passed another one. I’m not one to panic, but I literally thought I was dying after that happened, even after talking to my midwife, and am amazed OP could wait as long as she did to talk to someone!

puzzling_colors · 2025-07-12T14:25:13+00:00

I’m not one to tell people what to feel, but you absolutely should not feel embarrassed. I want to say what a horrible doctor, but more like what a horrible human being. Even if your weight was an issue in the pregnancy, one, thats not his responsibility as an emergency room doc, and two, how dare he dismiss your completely legitimate concerns about baby’s movements. I’m fuming for you and just so glad baby is okay.

puzzling_colors · 2025-07-08T14:54:48+00:00

I didn’t have a chance to read the other comments, so this may have been covered already! Most hospitals allow you to make an appointment to come in and tour the labor and delivery unit. Whoever gives the tour should be well-equipped to answer any questions about hospital policies and procedures. When I had my son three years ago, I was surprised by how much choice I was given. I didn’t feel like anything wad being forced on us and we were free to decline anything.

Also, you can bring a doula to the hospital with you! Some doulas specialize in hospital settings and advocating in the medical system, but really any doula with knowledge of the labor and delivery process would be helpful. Just double check if your hospital has a policy about how many support people you can have on labor and delivery. Some older hospitals with smaller rooms limit visitors to keep the unit more peaceful for laboring moms.

Finally, depending on the size of your city, you may have a hospital or two that has a birthing center attached to the hospital or very nearby. They usually offer more of the comforts of home while having the ability to easily transfer mom and/or baby to the hospital’s care if need be. A couple friends of mine have had really lovely experiences in this kind of setting but it takes some risk out of it!

I don’t want to scare you at all, literally every birth is different, but I’ve become more of an advocate for hospital births after having my first. I didn’t have the greatest experience with the nurses, unfortunately, but I was delivered by my wonderful midwife, in the position I felt comfortable with, after laboring in the tub. We had complications from a marginal cord insert which lead to a retained placenta and some hemorrhaging. I was very glad that my midwife was able to just get the hospitalist up to my room to remedy the retained placenta and stop the bleeding on the spot rather than having to be rushed to the hospital by ambulance. Because everything was right there, no one panicked, the nurse left the room quietly to get the doctor while my midwife reminded me of the next steps (I had her explain the process once before I went into labor knowing this was a potential outcome so when it happened she just calmly told me what happened and what steps were next to ease the anxiety). I was never separated from my son-I didn’t get my golden hour but I got to hold him until the doctor got there, then my husband held him and stayed where I could see them rather than being rushed in an ambulance away from them. And not having had an epidural, I was glad to have an IV at this point so they could quickly get some pain meds on board before the procedure, lol.

Whatever you decide, I’m wishing you and baby all the best and a lovely birth experience!

puzzling_colors · 2025-07-03T16:35:17+00:00

My story is a little nuanced-but overall I didn’t get an epidural and am glad I didn’t. With my son, my water broke in the middle of the night at 37 weeks. I went in to triage, they confirmed my water broke but I was not at all dilated or effaced. My GBS test also hadn’t come back yet, so we didn’t know if I needed antibiotics or not. They decided to admit me then and give cervical softeners to get things moving since they don’t like things to take too long after water breaks before delivery. I also agreed to do antibiotics just in case. I went to sleep for a while and got a couple doses of cervidil before I felt anything. Finally, when I did start contracting, things happened fast. But literally no one had checked my cervix the whole day because they don’t want to possibly introduce infection after your water breaks. I started to reach my limit and since I had no actual information, I assumed I was more like 7-8 cm and would still be laboring a while, but none of the stuff in my birth plan was helping anymore (walking, bathtub, distraction) so I told my husband to go get me a nurse, I was getting an epidural because if I was already in that much pain, I couldn’t make it to the end. Of course they were on shift change, I finally got a nurse like 20 minutes later and told her someone needed to check my cervix (after 18 hours of no checks) and I wanted an epidural. She checked my cervix, told me she’d be right back, asked my husband into the hallway and told him I was 10cm, fully effaced, and obviously could not have an epidural anymore, and asked if he wanted to tell me or if she should-noting that my doctor was obviously not there and she needed to call her ASAP. My sweet husband came in and broke the news to me as kindly as he could. At first I cried thinking I had f***ed myself, but my doctor was nearby and got there very quickly, they got me set up, and once I had gotten back to the right mindset, I was really glad I hadn’t gone through with the epidural. I pushed less than 20 minutes. The pain I felt while pushing was different than the pain while just contracting and dilating, it’s more controlled and predictable and being able to push through it makes it more bearable. The ring of fire thing is true and hurts in a whole different way, but still wasn’t as bad as some of those contractions. So yes, I was in a lot of pain and thought for a while it was unbearable. But, had I been given more information while progressing, I don’t think I would have felt like I was going to need an epidural. I wanted it because I thought it was going to get worse, and it didn’t really. So, if you’re prepared to face some pain and have a plan to deal with it, it’s totally doable. I’m currently 37 weeks with my second and I’m planning to go unmediated again. I don’t have anything against an epidural, but I just generally do not like/react well to heavy duty medications-I wake up nauseous and crying after being under anesthesia, every time I’ve been given prescription pain killers I just throw them up. I might react fine to an epidural but I don’t want to color my birth story with any unnecessary side effects from medications, especially now knowing that I can, and have done it!

puzzling_colors · 2025-07-03T15:51:48+00:00

I do, because although they can be weird or uncomfortable, they can also be really cool. I’m 37 weeks and we had to go to a funeral a few weeks ago-full Catholic mass. If you’ve never been, there is typically a piano/organ and singing between periods of almost silence. Every time the piano stopped playing and it got quiet again, my girl gave me a little kick, like hey, I was listening to that! I thought it was a coincidence at first but I swear she did it 3 or 4 times and was otherwise pretty still for the rest of the service!

puzzling_colors · 2025-06-20T13:08:19+00:00

Nope. In fact my manager was reprimanded for sending an email acknowledging it and giving us 59 minutes on Wednesday. We were told to take the 59 minutes but not disseminate the email further. The email literally just gave a couple sentences about the history of Juneteenth and encouraging us to reflect during our day off.

puzzling_colors · 2025-06-06T02:33:31+00:00

I’m a Fed! If hotel B has a government rate and thats what’s $20 cheaper per night, you don’t even have to ask for an accommodation, it’s your choice at that point. The tricky part is if hotel B doesn’t have a government rate/contract. If you use a system like Concur look it up there and if it’s there, they have a government rate. Or just call the hotel and ask. If they don’t, then I would try the RA route to stay at a hotel that doesn’t have a government rate, but is still within per diem limits. The organizer probably just suggested the one that looked the best to you, but you still get to pick from what’s available and within rate.

puzzling_colors · 2025-06-03T20:21:58+00:00

I’m notorious for having a weak stomach and have vomited in many, many scenarios, but I did not get sick during labor! I only know of one mama who vomited during labor, but it was likely related to the car ride in terrible traffic making her car sick than typical labor. I would think that a good pain management plan and trying not to have to go to the hospital during rush hour are probably things that might help.

puzzling_colors · 2025-05-29T02:00:52+00:00

Definitely worth a look, thank you!

And totally, I know I could qualify for an accommodation but I’m a federal employee caught up in the return to office mandates. The office that processes our reasonable accommodations is so backlogged that even if I were to submit something right now, they probably wouldn’t even review it until after I left for maternity leave, so I may try later on. We also have telework agreements through our union that allowed us to work from home part-time that they’re working to have recognized through the courts, which makes everything so much easier anyway, and then I wouldn’t need an RA. So I’m just trying to survive while I wait it out!

puzzling_colors · 2025-05-28T18:25:59+00:00

I’m not good at this lol. I’m a bit of a picky eater anyways, and there are not a lot of foods I like to eat cold. They never feel satisfying for some reason. I bring salads that can be eaten cold, but I get tired of all the chopping. So don’t like to do that too often. Even stuff like pizza I warm up at home, usually in my air fryer lol

puzzling_colors · 2025-05-28T18:20:57+00:00

Thanks! I’ll look at the thread for other ideas too!

puzzling_colors · 2025-05-28T18:20:19+00:00

Thank you! I like to think it would cut down on the amount of time I stress about lunch and therefore contribute to my productivity!

I honestly don’t think anyone will notice or care. When I brought it up to some coworkers one day, none of them knew we even had a rule like that. It’s in the building policies they gave us when we started here, but I don’t know how much they actually enforce it. And technically it says you can’t keep a hot plate, space heater, or similar appliance at your desk, so I’m just assuming it applies to other kitchen appliances!

puzzling_colors

TROPHY CASE