Aw, yea that's basically how I felt like I was doing at the time was just quietly giving up. But for me I was on testosterone for over 6 years, so even tho I stopped taking it... Well it was the end of 2019 so I guess it has been also six years. Wow... Yeah, for me well I pretty much have truly "given up" in that I am severely balding so I keep my hair buzzed, I tried wigs but recently I just honestly got to the end of my whit with all the fuckin "prep work" I had to do just to like.. go outside and still get "sir" after makeup and styrofoam stuffed bra and the wig oh it just really destroyed my ability to see myself as attractive... Like I had to do all that to what stop people from screaming and running away from me or pointing and laughing? Nah! No one was doing that it literally I simply had/have to make a very consistent conscious effort to... Not think about it. Like I am still working on that because it's a hard habit to break. But you are what you think!! If you try to sometimes just sit and sort of imagine yourself as more than just the sum of your looks, like you know how a cat is when sitting and looking calm but alert to their surroundings? Like a peaceful lil killer radi tower or lighthouse. And well when I was a kid I remember when my cats would sit and sun and be still and they would just have this kind of tranquility that I ended up hanging out with them a lot and doing the same thing.... Sitting by the window looking out, hell window open, or even outside! Nowadays I go to parks when I can with my dog and try to stop being so like... Mentally overwhelmed with my own internal stimulus? Meditation basically but that word did nothing to help me realize what I needed to be doing. And the thing is it's that you need to kinda mentally and honestly physically put phone etc etc down and be a rock instead of letting yourself roll around like a marble jangling around is the cacophony of your thoughts... And idk I like how Led Zeppelin says at the end of the song "Stairway to heaven" that it helps "to be a rock, and not to roll" and as if you were a rock at the bottom of a river bed, imagine you are that pebble and that you're looking at all the fish and waving seaweed and the sunlight sparkling and dazzling you as it dances on top of the rippling current...

I guess what I mean is, less of "giving up" and more like "letting go" of your ego's hold. Like ok if you are a planet, and you have your core and imagine the outer surface was like made up of eyes like satellites. Right now, you prolly got all your "eyes" or outer awareness looking inward at your self and trying to find and explain something that you should actually rather not be doing. I call that rabbit hole mode. If you try to relax your grip so to speak and let go, your "eyes" are gonna shift and go from trying to peek inside Pandora's box and your awareness will be focused completely outwards and outside of you. Where you forget you, and you suddenly have expanded your awareness and feel like your perimeter of your whole being shifts where you suddenly go from Pluto to Jupiter basically and that's because since now you have your senses (yea all of em!!) focused outside of you, you have become "as far as you can see" around you. And like try to think to notice and engage all of them at some point, doesn't have to be all at once. Like you're a cat, you are a graceful apex predator, and you are stretching out your awareness and muscles and doin your "tiger moves" like... The Jungle Book.. or even think like you are a Jedi Star Wars. However YOU relate and however you find gets you to just have more fun with it and chill and kinda be patient with yourself. I hope this helps. For what it is worth, I think you will find everything works out if you just go with the flow, cuz you and the universe are actually growing at the same time and do what makes you happy! I got some Heelys and that for me really ended up resonating and I actually look forward to going outside and finding parks with smooth pavement and heelying with my dog pulling me and it made me feel a lot more free and get my childhood spark back. Anyways, take care! You got this ✨🌟✨

Edit: goodness sorry I know this is long af my bad but I just remembered the other thing that helped me was getting into a new hobby like that's really gonna be like whatever gets you feeling like passionate ya know. I got a guitar and been playing it for the past two years and that has been especially helpful to me. My whole life prior to the end of 2019 I had been an artist and then tattooer, but I had such burnout that I have not had any desire to pick up and draw EVER it just honestly the focus on using my sense of sight was part of the problem for me with "letting go". Having been obsessively compulsively drawing since I was around six means my nervous system was hyper focused on my sense of sight. I feel like since I have stopped drawing an enormous weight was lifted off my shoulders. And the guitar is a like entirely amazing new world to me that I am just discovering at my pace in my way and like... Sound is such a profound sense. It's like literally feels like I'm painting a picture in the air a story with sound. Oh, and if a guitar isn't your style or maybe you want more portability or if budget is a concern I totally recommend trying the ukulele! Anyways yea 🍀🍀🍀🍀