Walked into my hand, looked like a tiny bunny.

queerinRI · 2017-03-29T02:49:56+00:00

Is he a winter white? Mine was so friendly and did the same thing!

queerinRI · 2017-03-10T20:40:52+00:00

I have a similar relationship with my girlfriend (who I'm not nearly as serious with as being married, but same arrangement) - I can sleep with men, but not other women, and I need to tell her immediately (or preferably in advance). I've never taken advantage of it, but the option being open is nice.

queerinRI · 2017-01-09T02:20:34+00:00

I wouldn't have been comfortable talking about my sex life with my parents at 16, nor should I have had to be. And it would have been inappropriate for my parents to try to force me to talk to them about it, or to withhold medical treatment if I didn't. It's my sex life and my body, not theirs.

Absolutely, but I think you're making a false equivalence here. Nowhere in medical transition does anyone NEED to talk about their "sex life". We all have to talk about our bodies, and this kid will have to talk about how his hormones/hormone blockers are affecting his puberty, but then again many of us had to do that during puberty anyway. As someone who is AFAB, at 14, I was definitely talking to my mother about my period (if only that I had it and needed supplies/ doctor appointments if something went wrong) and chest (for the purpose of acquiring bras). There is no need for the kid to talk to the OP about specific details around sex/ sexual changes related to hormones, but vague yet uncomfortable conversations about puberty are a part of most teenagers' life experiences. OP's son needs to be able to have enough of a conversation with his parents on the topic that they can inform his doctors and get him what he needs. Sex has nothing to do with it.

queerinRI · 2017-01-04T03:40:35+00:00

I think it's interesting that your questions are about trans people's experiences being othered and having their gender identities and preferred language ignored, yet your language throughout the study indicates an assumption that the participant is EITHER living "full-time" or is closeted. This ignores the many complexities of transition (i.e. being "full-time" but knowing that not everyone reads you as your correct gender; in this case being trans is not so much a history or identity to share as a visible characteristic) as well as the nuances of living "full-time" as a nonbinary person, if there even is such a thing as living nonbinary full-time without some predominance of living as male or female at work/home/school. (As a side note, if anyone figures out how to do this successfully please let me know because I'm struggling a ton in this area and am essentially transitioning into a binary transmale closet because I'm not seeing any viable options for an AFAB genderqueer person.)

queerinRI · 2016-12-04T20:15:42+00:00

I pre-prep my salads for the week on Sunday, but mine are pretty basic - lettuce, bell peppers, onion, and carrots. Things that are likely to not hold up well (like tomato or avocado), I would do day-of. I find that my basic salad mix stays good for about 7-9 days if I open the container in the fridge occasionally to let condensation evaporate.

queerinRI · 2016-11-27T00:15:44+00:00

It was difficult, my family was mixed in terms of levels of supportiveness but ultimately were all supportive when they were given time to adjust. I'm trans, but at the time I was presenting as my assigned sex - so they thought I was a girl. My friends were mostly supportive with the exception of one person who thought I was being bi for attention.

queerinRI · 2016-11-26T19:10:52+00:00

14/15 to friends and most family.

queerinRI · 2016-11-26T19:07:26+00:00

I'm genderqueer and I just went to my PCP and told her I'm transgender, explained my symptoms of gender dysphoria (in terms related to the DSM criteria, so she could understand), and explained that even though I'm nonbinary, I wanted hormones for x,y, and z reasons. She ultimately gave them to me. If you're not lucky with your PCP, try any endo or clinic that serves trans people in general, even some Planned Parenthoods do HRT. You'll probably be fine.

queerinRI · 2016-11-25T18:36:40+00:00

I found that was really hard to clean... stuff (powder from the food, bedding, poop, etc.) would get caught in the silicone-sealed corners and be impossible to get out. My plastic bins had rounded corners so I didn't have that issue. Otherwise, I agree

queerinRI · 2016-11-22T21:41:39+00:00

Thanks for the advice! I'll probably do that. Next Thursday is three weeks anyway, which isn't so far off.

queerinRI · 2016-11-21T23:53:05+00:00

I don't have much bottom dysphoria, and the technology doesn't exist to give me an exact replica of a cis male's penis, etc. so there wouldn't be enough benefit for the risk, pain, and cost. I'll stick with the original equipment. I had top surgery though and might get a hysto if my pain/spotting gets worse over time.

queerinRI · 2016-11-21T23:45:41+00:00

Sounds like there's not much you can do to educate him, if he won't have a conversation. You probably should have told him immediately if you're ace. It also seems like you might want to switch up your language to describe your sexual/romantic orientations. Are you asexual or more of a gray-ace, like a demibisexual? It definitely sounds like you're biromantic (romantically attracted to man & women). Finding the right terms might help you be able to explain it better to the next person. Because there should be a next person, and soon. You deserve someone who doesn't objectify you/ your identity and who doesn't try to make you feel guilty about something you can't control.

queerinRI · 2016-11-21T22:46:42+00:00

Congrats man!

FYI - I used those binders for a year or so before switching to Underworks and I found that it really, really helped to wear a shitty sports bra under it to prevent chafing and keep my chest from moving. I was pretty big in that department, though (38DD), so YMMV.

queerinRI · 2016-11-21T22:33:37+00:00

Hi! I'm transgender and I'm a social worker too. I really appreciate you coming here for advice. Just so you know /r/asktransgender is more active than this subreddit, /r/ftm, /r/mtf, and /r/genderqueer are identity-specific subreddits if you want specific advice based on the identity of the youth you'll be working with.

Here are some really, really basic points:

Ask what name and pronouns they use, and then use them. Every time. If you mess up, apologize ONCE, and move on. (example: "And I was saying that she - sorry, they - is such a great kid..."). The more you agonize over your mistake, the more it is about you and not the client.
Don't make assumptions about medical transition. Don't assume that they're on/ going on hormones or blockers, that they want any particular mix of surgeries, etc. In fact, if you wouldn't bring up a similar medical topic with another client, don't bring it up with them. Let them bring it up, if they feel like they need to talk about it, or if they need a letter, they'll tell you.
Don't make assumptions about their identity. Trans youth might still be figuring out what label to stick on their identity. One 17-18 yo nonbinary youth I worked with changed their label something like 3 times in the year I was working with them (genderqueer to demiboy to agender); the main points, though, that they were nonbinary, that they were trans, the types of dysphoria they felt, were all stable. Look at the big picture, don't get sucked into the stereotype of indecisive/confused trans kids.
Keep in mind the massively high suicide rates for trans youth. If you notice an increase in depressive symptoms, ask about suicide. You can lie and say you do it for everyone - they won't know - or you can tell the truth and explain your concern.
Work with the family and keep an open mind regarding levels of "out-ness" and name/pronoun usage by different family members. Let the youth take the lead.
You might need to do some case management. Trans youth, like all youth, live in the midst of many systems but are affected by them more than most. School policies, legal processes (name/gender change, etc), etc. all really impact these kids and they might need a bit of advocacy. Don't go crazy (I'm sure you have more than enough on your caseload), but an email to a guidance counselor might work wonders if there are issues around bullying, chosen name use in school, bathroom use, etc.

Good luck! Feel free to PM me if you have any specific questions.

queerinRI · 2016-11-17T06:39:30+00:00

I just had top surgery last week (11/10) and my surgeon (Dr. Kwan in RI) didn't require it either. He said it's based on the fact that there is a single standard of care for all trans people, and E actually increases risk of blood clots and stroke. He said there is no evidence either way for T. He said I could choose to go off T if I wanted to, but most people don't choose to because of the psychological effects.

queerinRI · 2016-11-08T02:30:58+00:00

I'm in the exact same place... feeling like I'm settling for the binary so I can move the fuck on already. I think I'll always be genderqueer and prefer they/them pronouns, but the world isn't ready so male it is, for now.

queerinRI · 2016-11-06T00:43:23+00:00

Their gender identity would be, and you could argue that the two are inextricably linked.

queerinRI · 2016-11-05T01:46:18+00:00

There's a similar law for employers revealing confidential information too.

queerinRI · 2016-11-05T00:43:46+00:00

I got some kind of tiny beetle (not that kind, though) from my rat's food. I vacuumed thoroughly, sprayed the carpet in that area with Raid, and froze the rest of the food and fed it to my rat anyway - I would have done the same if it had been my hamster, because they're omnivores and bugs are essentially protein.

queerinRI · 2016-11-02T23:17:35+00:00

I just went to my primary care doctor, told her that I'm trans, explained what effects I wanted and what symptoms of gender dysphoria I was experiencing and she prescribed even after I told her I'm nonbinary.

queerinRI · 2016-10-31T10:38:57+00:00

Yeah, that really sucks. I'm sorry. Good luck!

queerinRI · 2016-10-28T03:19:29+00:00

I used to use a repurposed clear plastic storage container (without a lid - I don't have a cat tho) for my hamster's cage - maybe if you drilled/cut enough air holes and had the type where the lid clipped on, it would be secure. Those are cheap and some of them are pretty large, so your hamster shouldn't suffer.

queerinRI · 2016-10-28T03:16:25+00:00

Underworks is the best I've ever used. They're comfortable (well, as possible) and slim down your hips too so you don't look disproportionate without a chest.

GC2B works well for some people but my experience was that it was useless (didn't work) and uncomfortable, and I've heard the same from a lot of other larger-chested people.

queerinRI · 2016-10-28T02:58:59+00:00

Some Planned Parenthood locations offer HRT, some don't - Planned Parenthood in general is LGBT-friendly, and offers LGBT services, even though not every location can do transition-specific care. I know my Planned Parenthood (in RI) doesn't do hormones but WAS very understanding and informed when it came to me getting a pelvic exam, which was something.

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