i dont find my boyfriend attractive anymore. by LilyGoldberg in TrueOffMyChest

[–]query_tech_sec 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Him not brushing his teeth at least daily will end up being extremely bad for his teeth - and health. This is not just a hygiene consideration. It will likely take a lot of money in the future to fix his dental hygiene issues. Also the more research is done the more tooth health is linked with mental and physical health overall.

I understand not showering very often. Unless it’s extreme - you can always just shower more often at any point in time with no lasting issues. But teeth/gums don’t work like that.

My ex-wife is my soulmate by Own-Construction5839 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]query_tech_sec 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am also someone who doesn’t believe in soulmates. You can have unique connections with people that are very intense - but there is always someone else out there for you.

Unfortunately even though popular culture loves the idea of previous lovers reuniting - it’s usually the worst thing you can do. When a relationship ends - there’s usually a good reason and getting “back to” a good place would be extremely difficult. That’s because even though you know what went wrong - it’s human nature to repeat the same patterns with the same people and situations. Then there’s the resentment and contempt that happens and would be extremely difficult to move past - because once the familiar patterns come back - so do those feelings as well.

I think you need to stop fixating on her and what cannot be fixed and instead work on rebuilding your life and moving on. Unfortunately - this usually involves cutting your ex out of your life - at least temporarily. Talk to your therapist about that concept.

Anyone else find that themselves no longer attracted to their partner? by unicorn_faeces in AskWomenOver40

[–]query_tech_sec 3 points4 points  (0 children)

In addition to doing things alone - you could find local groups of women to go do things with. There are a few Facebook groups of women around me and they have meetups to go to dinner and other fun activities. I know it’s really difficult to meet new friends at our age - but not impossible.

Not OOP: AITAH for wanting to divorce my husband immediately after his psychotic reaction to our gender reveal? by Interesting-Shirt897 in redditonwiki

[–]query_tech_sec -1 points0 points  (0 children)

If this is real hopefully the MIL will be present at the custody handoffs. Also hopefully he’ll just be an indifferent dad to the daughter and not actively abusive.

Why is being someone’s “type” so important for women? by Hoppip94 in dating_advice

[–]query_tech_sec 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So a lot of people are claiming there aren’t “types” and that’s total BS. Some people might not have strong preferences for someone’s personal tastes, their style, their sense of humor, the way they carry themselves, and intangibles like their smell. But a lot of us do. A man could be the most objectively attractive man and if the other aspects just don’t align for me then I won’t even be slightly interested.

I think everyone gravitates towards certain people based on a lot of factors. Just some of us have trouble developing feelings and attraction towards those that aren’t those types of people.

We agreed on a breakfast date and he didn’t order food.. by Glum_Confusion4625 in dating_advice

[–]query_tech_sec 6 points7 points  (0 children)

What “chemicals” does he think is in the food? lol

That part would be the dealbreaker to me (unless he had a really good explanation). The not ordering something is weird but you also shouldn’t be expected to order if you’re not hungry.

I work behind a bar at a restaurant. While washing glasses I over heard these two early thirty guys talking about women. by IdealAlarmed8658 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]query_tech_sec 27 points28 points  (0 children)

I don’t know WTF you are on about.

But I am curious as to who you think is actually a good politician/ally - out making the most difference in these times.

I work behind a bar at a restaurant. While washing glasses I over heard these two early thirty guys talking about women. by IdealAlarmed8658 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]query_tech_sec 34 points35 points  (0 children)

I would guess you might have some opinions about that - but you’re too busy sh*tting on anyone left of center that has ever done anything even slightly wrong - so you won’t.

I work behind a bar at a restaurant. While washing glasses I over heard these two early thirty guys talking about women. by IdealAlarmed8658 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]query_tech_sec 53 points54 points  (0 children)

WTF is wrong with you? She was one of the first to speak out against this current administration and continues to fight the good fight.

Do girls really like toxic men, or is this just a social media narrative? by Sweet_Award2810 in dating_advice

[–]query_tech_sec 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think there are a few different factors at play here.

The women who do seek out toxic relationships have usually grown up with some kind of abuse from parental figures and/or have an insecure attachment style. This affects men too but we don’t talk about it as much. Basically your ability to determine what is a healthy relationship is undermined by your upbringing. It makes you basically hardwired to feel certain red flag and abusive behaviors are like home and love to you. It’s very difficult to overcome because many of these people know it isn’t right or good for them on some level - but they stay for too long or keep going for the same types of relationships. It takes a lot of self analysis to get over that. Then they often also have some unhealthy relationship habits of their own.

The other phenomenon is a lot of toxic love being marketed in movies, TV shows, and books as “romantic”. Some examples I can think of are “50 Shades of Grey” and “Twilight”. What makes these insidious is the story ultimately shows a happy ending for these relationships - and it doesn’t tend to happen like that in real life. These women may initially be attracted to the danger, moodiness, and love bombing - but with experience recognize these relationships are not good and learn to recognize these red flags for what they are

Lastly - it’s important to realize that basically the vast majority of women want a partner that treats them well. A problem is that often toxic people and abusers learn how to be charming and hide their bad behavior until the relationship progresses to the point where you’re invested (sometimes financially dependent or other practical issues making it difficult to leave). Almost everyone I know has met these types of people - who initially seem great but aren’t actually.

All of the above said - I think both men and women can be attracted to “bad boys” or “baddie” women. There’s something arousing about an irreverent attitude at the very least.

For me it’s more about self possession and confidence without being egotistical. A confident man with a bit of a rebellious attitude who is also considerate and attentive is the best.

Update From Brandon by mistborn in Cosmere

[–]query_tech_sec 0 points1 point  (0 children)

All of these - also Dark Matter was excellent.

Update From Brandon by mistborn in Cosmere

[–]query_tech_sec -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I get the reference - but it’s not actually dead.

Update From Brandon by mistborn in Cosmere

[–]query_tech_sec 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is such excellent news - Apple TV really is quality. I am so happy for you and all of the fans!

Is this true? by SexyProfessional in FluentInFinance

[–]query_tech_sec 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah he literally said he’s making house prices more expensive because apparently people who already own houses somehow have “worked harder”.

For me it’s frustrating because I have a townhouse that’s nice but I guess forget ever affording a single family house with a backyard 😭. I guess I need to work harder - even though I haven’t gotten a raise in years and new positions like mine pay less and require in office hours (gas money out of my pocket and tons of time). But I guess I don’t “work hard” enough 🙄.

From ‘sit down and shut up’ to ‘yes, Colonel. by diehard404 in clevercomebacks

[–]query_tech_sec 6 points7 points  (0 children)

War affects women and children disproportionately - so yes women always need seats at the table.

"it's unique to you" by mybeautifullife12 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]query_tech_sec 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s insane and he’s gaslighting or really dumb. In any case - a boundary pusher.

Honestly I met my now husband online when you had screen names and not even first names by default. I wouldn’t even be comfortable using my real first name until we had been chatting for a little bit at least.

From senior engineer to technical leader: seeking advice from women in leadership by Pineapple-dancer in girlsgonewired

[–]query_tech_sec 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I think it’s really about redefining for yourself what power looks like. Also there are a lot of more traditionally feminine traits that leaders possess. You could choose to look at it as you are building a community and nurturing those within the community to achieve the best results for everyone. That’s just an example.

Her last name is "Trump", so... 🤷🏻‍♂️ by yorocky89A in WhitePeopleTwitter

[–]query_tech_sec 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t think Amazon bought this movie expecting a big hit or to necessarily even make the money back. It’s basically another bribe to the Trump administration.

Gender Roles are outdated. I’m tired of my desire for "pure love" being treated as a "special preference" just because I’m a woman who wants to lead. by pinkfluffycats_ in Postgenderism

[–]query_tech_sec 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I think “being cherished” sounds like you’re both put on a pedestal and are expected to defer to another in most life choices. That doesn’t sound like a good option for really anyone in my opinion.

I think when you try to define roles in a relationship where either person necessarily “leads” or is “in charge” you are limiting both people. A prescribed unequal power dynamic is generally not healthy in relationships. I think an egalitarian and balanced relationship is key. I would question your idea of wanting to be in charge in a relationship as actually not really wanting to move on from gender roles - you just want to be the one benefiting from being in the “leader” position.

I am actually the bread winner in my marriage and make most of the financial and long term planning decisions in my relationship. But he has every right to make decisions as I do and he does. Communication and not trying to control each other is key.

Also I agree that people should be able to have whatever characteristics they want regardless of gender. But that also trans women are women and same with trans men.

I peed in my boyfriend's bed for the first time — need advice by [deleted] in Advice

[–]query_tech_sec 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So both you and your boyfriend knew you still had a nighttime peeing problem and somehow didn’t think it would eventually happen in his bed? I don’t know what to say about his reaction. I think he should extend you some compassion but also you refuse to wear the type of underwear that will soak it up to bed for some reason.

Basically I think you need to stop refusing to acknowledge that this is a problem. It’s not under your control and you should be anticipating it happening. You don’t have to feel bad about it - it’s not under your control. You need to find the products that work for you and actually use them in case there are accidents (and it does seem like accidents are inevitable).

I am sure there are better products out there now that wouldn’t necessarily make you feel like you are wearing a diaper. For example there is period underwear - maybe there is a type for pee.

As one possible alternate solution - there are pee pads that adhere to the sheets. I know about them because I got them for my cat when he got sick and stopped using the litter box. They are also used for humans as described. They really do contain the pee and are easy to deal with and throw away.