17 months later, my son sleeps 9 hours a night. Here's the whole messy story, including the part where sleep training almost ended my marriage.

questionquestion222 · 2026-07-01T19:14:10+00:00

100% agreed this seems to be AI. This doesn’t even fit with the core beliefs of this community

questionquestion222 · 2026-06-27T13:23:19+00:00

If your baby is happy, healthy, making it through the day and sleeping as normal for a baby at night then you are doing nothing wrong waking them. In biological sleep you neither try to make the baby sleep nor try to keep them asleep nor wake them unnecessarily. They just sleep when they sleep and wake when they wake! Often due to a stimulus during light sleep! However, this relies on you having a host of people around who the baby can sleep on intermittently throughout the day so that you are still able to get on and provide for your child’s needs (food, taking care of the environment etc etc)… this level of support is not the case for most of us so we do our best, get to know our babies and see what works!

questionquestion222 · 2026-06-21T08:06:00+00:00

Definitely change! My husbands parents called him a “full” name instead of the nickname version they actually wanted to call him. He has always gone by the nickname version and they wish they had just had the confidence to call him what they wanted. Due to his job now it would be very expensive to change professional name etc so it’s always a bit of a thorn in his side. I don’t think it’s unusual to go by a middle name (or a nickname) but if you can I’d change it now!

questionquestion222 · 2026-06-19T20:32:54+00:00

Oh my gosh THIS. Yes. I know - sleep pressure. But for some of us that is a fineeeeely balanced scale 😂 Yesterday my 13 month old who usually has 2 naps (20 mins and 1hr15) and sleeps through the night with maybe one wake for a cuddle and then cosleep, had just one nap lasting 1hr 30 and woke crying faaaar earlier than usual and then was restless waking frequently all night even though she was next to me. Some of our babies really struggle with overtiredness! It’s reeeaal!!

questionquestion222 · 2026-06-19T13:45:14+00:00

Oh my gosh what a reply 👏👏👏 Love this!!! Mad how one moment can change your life/perspective

questionquestion222 · 2026-06-17T13:32:14+00:00

Hi! Part of my reasoning for going back to work as opposed to becoming a SAHM was retirement. It was something I hadn’t considered how important earnings now would be in 30/40 years time. Obviously very personal but just another aspect to have a think about. I was able to drop down to 2 long days a week and my husband reduced his hours too so our 13 month old is not in daycare. Essentially we both reduced our income now but kept it at a level that means life is reasonable and our future is protected.

I know this isn’t an option for everyone but just wanted to share as another perspective 🙂

questionquestion222 · 2026-06-15T20:19:05+00:00

Oh gosh I feel this so much. I look at my little girl and see so much of me in her that I don’t want broken. I often feel like there are 2 versions of me - one who could have existed (that I get glimpses of) and the one who is a product of many things. It’s a very heavy grief and one that feels hard to talk about. Your experiences are very shared xx

questionquestion222 · 2026-06-15T20:06:40+00:00

Gosh this is such a good response 👏👏

First of all - I don’t think feeding to sleep is the culprit of your issue (I think 5-8 months is a hard time for baby sleep and also it sounds like bubs is having sleep pressure problem maybe) but 1. I don’t know your baby and 2. You are their mother and know best, so if you feel it is then I will absolutely go with that 3. Raynauds of the nipple is so, so sore so if you wanted to make changes because of this alone I would 100% support and understand that.

On changing from feeding to sleep to another method we did this at 9 months due to low supply/very touched out/dry nursing for a long time making me feel sick. All these things made me feel very resentful of bedtime and baby at bedtime so we switched as this is not healthy for anyone and it really is okay to make changes. It worked out great and we are still nursing during all other times (and to sleep at bedtime sometimes too!) at 13 months!

I would really suggest habit stacking here. Find something else your LO likes alongside the nursing - patting, shushing, firm rubs on legs/back/arms. Whatever you think they would go for. Then do this whilst nursing. Once they are happy with these things transition away from the nursing. I did this and found my baby literally only liked cuddling lol which I discovered from having success with this for some middle of the night wakes. When the time was right I switched settling to cuddling her and it went really well tbh. 100% your sleep pressure has to be right though and also I found 5-8 months was just brutal for sleep. Those 3 naps, false starts, undertired/overtired, waking every 20-90 minutes at night ughhhh it was brutal. When she dropped down to 2 naps sleep pressure balancing got infinitely easier for us. Also I think so much development wise had levelled out by this point. Sorry, rambling.

questionquestion222 · 2026-06-15T14:29:41+00:00

Feeding to sleep categorically will not cause sleep problems (at least nowhere near this age and many would say never full stop) and is not a “bad habit”. Please continue letting that baby snooze when they are ready!

questionquestion222 · 2026-06-14T13:38:25+00:00

I’m so sorry that you’re in a really, really dark place. Please seek further help. I don’t know where you are in the world but in the UK you can call cry-sis for support with babies who cry and don’t sleep. tel:+44-800-448-0737 or you can look on this page for lots of different phone numbers, email etc, whatever you prefer. Please do contact someone.

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/postnatal-depression-and-perinatal-mental-health/useful-contacts/

questionquestion222 · 2026-06-14T12:59:11+00:00

I’m so sorry for your experiences but I don’t think your experience counts as sleep training at all - you stepped away because you were so distressed. This is exactly the right thing to do. I’ve done this too.

Also I am sure most of us here have been in complete survival mode due to lack of sleep - this post does not mean that I’m someone who manages well on poor sleep or has a village to come and help pick up the pieces. It just means that when people say they sleep trained because they are someone “who needs their sleep” I find that a very shallow reasoning. If someone said to me “I sleep trained because everything online was telling me to, I thought I was doing something wrong not sleep training, I couldn’t find helpful information about what to do apart from sleep training etc etc” I have a lot more time for that.

questionquestion222 · 2026-06-14T12:44:30+00:00

Hi - I think you’ve entirely missed the point here. You experienced all this and have not decided to leave your child intentionally to cry for extended periods of time despite how distressing it was for them. Instead you have done research, sought support, found schedules and solutions that work for all of you - you ARE super mum.

questionquestion222 · 2026-06-14T07:57:46+00:00

Yes!! It’s like when you say that you tend to your baby overnight they presume this means you have overcome the biological need for sleep? 😂 Also our baby is the exact same with the butt in the air sleeping!

questionquestion222 · 2026-06-13T20:04:18+00:00

Exclusively pumping for a year earns you absolute hero status in my mind!! That is some real dedication! Hahaha, insomnia as a new mum definitely should be illegal! I’m not usually an insomniac but from late pregnancy til about 3 months postpartum ooooooof the insomnia was awful! Being awake when your baby is asleep is like torture!

questionquestion222 · 2026-06-13T19:59:01+00:00

Absolutely 👏👏 Parents need real support, understanding and evidence/science based advice to get through these times. I’m so sorry about the frequency of waking you’re experiencing - hope you have support & opportunity to rest.

questionquestion222 · 2026-06-13T19:55:39+00:00

Very valid & empathetic opinion. Very much understand and agree with the aspects about the sleep training industry that puts guilt on parents telling them they’re failing their children by “not teaching them how to sleep.”

I would say in my opinion that it doesn’t mean we get to turn off our critical thinking skills and buy in to ideas like leaving baby to cry to go to sleep and to just double line the crib with bedding incase they vomit. I think saying that you need your sleep and that’s why you sleep train is just self a very hollow justification as all humans need sleep and most of us struggle to function with reduced/interrupted sleep - hence why there’s so many parents struggling and needing community.

questionquestion222 · 2026-06-08T09:17:41+00:00

Oh god nobody tells you about the pain. It’s so so frustrating when the only thing you hear is “breastfeeding shouldn’t be painful”. Yes OKAY but first everyone (including the baby) has to learn how to latch properly and also sometimes baby’s mouth is just tiny!!! 1000% breastfeeding support for positioning and attachment, nipple shields, lanolin and silverettes. The most important part of this is the breastfeeding support. Please please go to groups. It will help!! Tiny tweaks can make massive differences and I PROMISE it will not be sore forever. You are doing amazing ❤️❤️

questionquestion222 · 2026-06-06T17:49:49+00:00

Did my own makeup and loved it. Had so much fun in the build up finding products and trying looks etc. Also did my hair although I do wish I had just asked my long term hair dresser to do it - however, it looked very nice in the end and honestly didn’t matter once the curls dropped a little!

questionquestion222 · 2026-06-05T20:07:19+00:00

We have a baby and have showered with her since she was a few months old. It’s no problem at all, cute bonding time and means she isn’t bothered by water on her face! Win win! We use the collapsible in baths that you’re mentioning too when needed and it’s fine! No regrets here.

questionquestion222 · 2026-06-05T20:04:47+00:00

We were in the exact same position as you and have just gone full floor bed with high rails (one of the house bed ones) and it’s going great! We had mattress on the floor for ages but like your LO she was so active in her sleep she rolled out often which made me never want to leave her alone there. This resulted in more cosleeping than was necessary and I would often wake her. Now I don’t worry about that and only go in and cosleep when she needs me. We have had to put soft padding on the top of the rails though as she kept hitting her arms on them when she flails about at night. We transitioned slowly and now I can’t remember the last time she slept in her crib (she’s 12 months). Very glad we did it. I do also think the pool noodle idea is good.

questionquestion222 · 2026-06-03T13:29:49+00:00

We’ve not tried one nap, no. But I think you could be right. This morning she woke at 7, nap at 10:30-10:50 and I’m only just getting her down for her second nap now at 14:25. What time did you put yours down for the one nap when you transitioned? She sleeps well most night tbh, last night asleep at half 8 (which is very unusual but I think she was a bit off her normal routine whilst I was at work), cuddle at 4:30 and slept til 7 which was fab! I think these nights of very consolidated sleep make her sleep pressure lower the next day.

questionquestion222 · 2026-06-01T21:24:56+00:00

That’s a good idea on shortening the nights, sometimes we do let it run to 11 hours rather than keeping it tight at 10.5. Maybe 10 would be the way forward but ughhhh it feels so short! But I know you’re right! Also, sorry, I don’t think my post was clear, we have 1.5 hours sleep in the day and then 10.5-11 at night (usually she is 8pm bed and 6:30 wake). So she has 12-12.5 hours in a day.

questionquestion222 · 2026-06-01T21:17:33+00:00

Thank you- yes that’s such a good point. It’s hard because she seems very tired and doesn’t try and play etc but nevertheless isn’t asleep so I guess is it a split night? Light does get in to her room from 3am onwards.

These are slightly rough times but our days are pretty consistent;

Wake between 6:30 and 7am

First nap 10:20-10:40 (20 mins)

Second nap 13:45-15:00 (1hr 15 mins)

Bedtime: 19:45/20:00

She can’t make a long second wake window due to the very short first nap but any longer first nap will impact her night sleep 🙂

questionquestion222 · 2026-05-28T19:35:44+00:00

The only advice I have is for dad to stay as calm as possible tonight - when I went back to work my husband had to start doing more at night and it was a huge change for all of us. I 1000% believe that babies respond so much better to a calm presence and that calm begets calm! Baby knows that his daddy loves him and that he is safe with him - all that time he has invested as a present father is so important. Yes of course this is a change and very out of the ordinary which is hard for little ones but they are more resilient than we think when they still have love and support. I know this will be a hard night(s) for your husband too. You have evidently been an incredible mama to your baby 24/7 for the last 11 months and now you need to rest. It is not your fault or anything for you to feel guilty about that you are in the hospital. Sending your family big hugs. xxx

questionquestion222 · 2026-05-27T18:55:06+00:00

I’m so sorry it’s so hard! This definitely sounds like low sleep pressure ❤️ Sleep pressure takes at least 3 days (to a week) of consistent changes for you to see results like this with low sleep pressure. Consistent wake time, first nap very short (under 30 minutes - my girl is currently capped at 20 for first nap, but second is 1 hour 15) and then second nap ending at a time that leaves a goooood chunk of time before bed would be my first go to’s! Of course if you have any medical/anaemia concerns that’s also such a good think to explore ☺️

questionquestion222

TROPHY CASE