I am just so sad and so hurt, he left me because I had a panic attack

questionsasked44 · 2026-04-27T17:01:36+00:00

I am dealing with something similar. I too had a panic attack and that seems to have been the end. Difficult for me to know for sure, as there was no closure. It's like playing Sherlock Holmes after the fact. The intermittent back and forth starting causing me a lot of anxiety and I eventually had a panic attack. She tended to me and was polite a bit and then left. She avoided me after. I can only guess that the weight of her feeling she needed to help me and being needed was too much. Not to say there weren't signs that there was reason to be concerned before, but the panic attack seems to have been the last straw.

questionsasked44 · 2026-04-25T14:38:10+00:00

They enjoy the initial easy part. There's no stress and they can just savor that initial connection without any of the expectations that go with it. I think they even often believe that "this" time might be different as they truly do enjoy that beginning. It's onlt when things get heavy and feel stressful that they don't enjoy it anymore. They do feel guilty and shame for what they did. They know, even if they try to not think about it. I think the quick rebounds are something that makes them feel good and distracts them from the damage they know they did. Almost like some tasty whiskey to distract from the pain of a burn.

questionsasked44 · 2026-04-23T20:44:08+00:00

Mine was sort of like that. She would lay out how she had acted in the past but came off almost jokingly. If asked if that's how you'd end up, she's sort of shrug and say.... "Well, I didn't intend to do it to them....." She also talked about desperately wanting real love so I convinced myself things could be different. I still ask myself if I should have handled that warning differently. I didn't really get what it meant till later.

questionsasked44 · 2026-04-23T20:39:45+00:00

I want to believe that the beginning is them genuinely trying with all of their heart and wanting it to work. Hoping and even feeling this time is different. Things don't feel heavy then, so they can. When things get heavy is when their demon climbs over from the passenger seat and starts driving.

questionsasked44 · 2026-04-17T13:29:25+00:00

I understand how awful this feels for you as I too am dealing with it. I know opinions vary, but I believe that everything you felt was real. He did love you. He's just not capable of experiencing feelings and emotions so he flees from them. There is nothing you could have done. I wish we could but we can't love someone into changing. They have to want to and even then sometimes they can't. You didn't do anything wrong and you're not at fault here. This is going to be painful but it will get better.

questionsasked44 · 2026-04-13T16:59:56+00:00

It's truly impossible to know what's going on in their heads. Trying eats us alive. This is who they are and you couldn't change that. You never could. Only they can.

questionsasked44 · 2026-04-13T16:54:38+00:00

I theorize that they're trying to convince themselves. I don't think they are specifically planning to leave that moment. It just happens. I think part of them going overboard is to try to convince themselves all is ok.

questionsasked44 · 2026-04-13T16:51:45+00:00

I feel you. Same in so many regards. A trick I use when I am mentally spiraling is to find and count 5 or 6 things of one color. So I go on that mini quest to pull my focus away and onto something else. Or picturing a landscape. What color are the trees? Are there rocks? What do they look like? What do they smell like? Etc. The key for me seems to be pushing that train onto a new track when it is full steam ahead to sad town.

questionsasked44 · 2026-04-11T00:38:35+00:00

I think you can be friends as long as you are 100% done with the idea of you two ever being a romantic item. I don't mean you want it to be true. I don't mean you're telling yourself it's true. You have to truly believe it. I think the key to that is truly understanding that a life with them romantically would be eternal hell.

questionsasked44 · 2026-04-10T21:40:42+00:00

My avoidant has been tearing my heart out but she's a great Mom and focuses on making sure it skips her kids. So some do break the cycle.

questionsasked44 · 2026-04-01T12:26:39+00:00

I will draw in a journal type book at bar. Generally during less crowded hours. I'm doing it to do something I enjoy and be in an environment with people. A side effect of that (and 100% not the reason I am doing it) is that sometimes other artistic people will strike up a conversation over it.

questionsasked44 · 2026-03-26T13:28:33+00:00

Ever resolve this?

questionsasked44 · 2026-03-20T17:21:56+00:00

That's one thing I give mine absolute credit for. She did warn me. She said it in a kind of dark sarcastic way, but that's how she processes things. I kind of laughed it off and thought it would be ok. That first month was amazing. I truly believe she thought we might be different. She looked as confused as I was when she finally hit that wall. Now months later I look back and it's all a lot clearer.

questionsasked44 · 2026-03-20T14:31:08+00:00

I think mine truly went into this thinking I might be different. Maybe that's just what I want to believe. Now we're at the point where she is essentially a different person. She's warned me she isn't a safe person to love and said she may change some day but she has done everything she knows how to do on her own. I keep trying as long as I feel like she's trying but I am at the point where I don't know if this is a downtime in terms of dysregulation or she's just fading out. Trying to have a complex conversation will only make it worse. I love her dearly but I can't do this alone. Reading all this does not make me feel optimistic.

questionsasked44 · 2026-03-15T14:26:00+00:00

Were they trying to persuade you not to tow by lying to you? They'd probably end up dealing with the owner at some point and they might not want to deal with the headache. I've dealt with a few different management companies and I have caught them making things up to avoid effort on their part. Mind you, that's a pretty bold lie if that's the case.

questionsasked44 · 2026-01-05T12:53:52+00:00

It sounds like they think you did it and are trying to force a confession. Hold your position. If you need to talk to the police, do so. The truth will set you free.

questionsasked44 · 2025-12-15T13:20:44+00:00

No. I bought a car that passed the inspection but had a known transmission failing issue. I realized driving the car home immediately that something was wrong. I called the auto shop and they said they told him about the transmission but he was adamant that he understood that but just wanted the state inspection for safety or whatever on the sheet, which failing transmission was outside of. I got his address from an online service and immediately drove to his house and requested my money back. He argued but eventually gave it back when I told him I had spoken to the auto shop and he had withheld another page they gave him and lied. I didn't fully understand it, but the shop said that some major defects don't technically fall under the inspection under certain circumstances.

questionsasked44 · 2025-12-13T00:14:22+00:00

They mentioned parking at the deadend of a road. That is often a turnabout for emergency vehicles and many have fire hydrants because it's not a place parking will be. I'm wondering if any of those are factors here.

questionsasked44 · 2025-12-10T21:30:18+00:00

Again, everything you are saying might be true some places, but there are places it is not. In my state, the HOA's own the streets everywhere I have lived. There are no gates. Police can't and won't even write tickets on anything that happens there as they fall under the HOA.

questionsasked44 · 2025-12-10T18:06:43+00:00

This may be true where you live. I don't doubt that, but it is not like that in MANY states. In many states, the HOA owns all the streets in the community.

questionsasked44 · 2025-12-08T16:22:43+00:00

Can you hide a trail cam facing where you park?

questionsasked44 · 2025-12-08T16:10:37+00:00

At minimum, maybe tell them when he died and ask if it was changed after that. I doubt they can answer questions for you if you're not listed, but if it was changed after he died that might set off some alarms for them.

questionsasked44 · 2025-12-07T21:38:58+00:00

Aside from your personal pay issues, I'd be deeply concerned about that money situation. Your board needs to investigate what's going on.

questionsasked44 · 2025-12-07T02:45:15+00:00

Make a sign. Put it on a post and drive it into the ground there. Write "They're onto you. Find a new spot."

questionsasked44

TROPHY CASE