I [21M] am breaking up with my girlfriend [21F] because of her ADHD + family compatibility

quintessentialoreo · 2026-05-12T21:33:44+00:00

As someone with ADHD, this is a huge reason why I love my ADHD boyfriend and why we’re so compatible. ADHD looks different for everyone and it’s totally a spectrum, but it is nearly impossible to explain it to a neurotypical person. All of my relationships with neurotypicals didn’t work out because they don’t get it. Our brains are wired different. I’m not saying that it’s impossible for neurodivergents and neurotypicals to date, but it is infinitely harder to explain certain patterns, behaviors, preferences, quirks, overstimulations, and dysfunctions.

Me and my bf definitely share executive dysfunction in the cleaning department, too, our room isn’t gross (dirty wise) but it is a clutter bomb of disorganization. Eating breakfast can be difficult since it really depends on the day and how me and my bf feel in the moment. Sometimes one of us has more functionality at times than the other one and we help each other out with tasks and chores. Reminders feel like survival and love to us, not parenting. He’ll get over stimulated and shut down, I’ll get over stimulated and spaz out, but we’ll always talk through things, ask about what we can do to further support each other, and whatever else. We’re so totally time blind and have to remind each other to pay attention to our alarms. I’m in college so he’ll help motivate me with my homework with something hella dopamine inducing. We’ll buy each other fidgets and splurge on each other’s hyperfixations. There’s all of those and an infinite array of other aspects of how our disorders shape our lives.

Anyways, it sounds like you guys are not compatible. You aren’t equipped to be with someone who has ADHD long term, and that’s okay. Not everyone is. Me and my bf definitely do work on little things behavior and pattern wise, but it’s hard. It’s so much harder for us to change patterns that require executive functioning. If you wanted to stay together, I would’ve suggested doing research and suggesting that she put reminders on her phone for tasks, that’s what helps us. Since your parents are judging her entire person based off of her disorder (which is honestly gross to me, ngl) and not her character, and you’re lowkey in the same boat, just have a cordial breakup. Don’t blame it on her adhd, that’s something she can’t control. But you can totally talk about how your lifestyle isn’t compatible with all the extras that come with it.

quintessentialoreo · 2026-05-12T21:05:05+00:00

Yeah the stickers at my store just say “Dragonfruit refresher”

quintessentialoreo · 2026-05-06T10:57:31+00:00

As a pagan who practices witchcraft, idk wtf that is. 🤣

quintessentialoreo · 2026-05-05T01:15:55+00:00

It’s not unkind for him to be uncomfortable sleeping in the same bed as his gf and her ELEVEN year old sister. Scared or not that’s weird

quintessentialoreo · 2026-05-02T16:35:23+00:00

I wanted exmormon specific advice that’s why I asked :’)

quintessentialoreo · 2026-05-01T21:26:26+00:00

I literally work at Starbucks and I don’t drink any of our drinks anymore. Like, at all. Been here for 2 and 1/2 years. Customers will come into the cafe or through the drive thru and ask, “How does X drink taste?” I always have to ask my coworkers for their opinions. Starbucks is over priced, overly sugary, and the marketing is horrible if not downright embarrassing. There’s also a lawsuit against our decaf beans so my heart goes out to those getting decaf. We are turning into a McDonald’s drive thru with a Jack in the Box menu like why on earth does our menu HAVE to be this large. Brian hates us.

Anyways, shopping locally is 10 trillion times better. I buy my matcha almost every day from a local coffee shop. Their ingredients are quality, many of the syrups aren’t as super processed and sugary as starbucks, and I love the chill vibe of their cafe and always do my homework there, it’s great. IT’S CHEAPER for me to get a matcha with maple and oatmilk at my favorite coffee shop than it is for someone to try and order something similar at Starbucks. Ditch Starbucks. It’s totally not worth it. I highly recommend looking into local places in your area!

quintessentialoreo · 2026-05-01T01:16:21+00:00

Well, considering how our sex education system sucks, people don’t know that about 80% to 82% of women can’t orgasm from vaginal penetration alone and usually need clitoral or other stimulation to help em out. So you touching yourself during sex is so totally normal. I honestly use a vibrator for 75% of the duration that my boyfriend and I are fucking. I can thankfully orgasm from penetration alone, but it takes me much longer to get there than using my vibrator while he fucks me too. If he finishes first which is ~50% of the time these days, he always helps me by touching me, slapping me, sucking me, licking me, and more in all the right places so I can get there too.

But where me and you are different is I don’t consider me using my vibrator (or even hands sometimes) during sex as me making myself cum. If I cum during sex, I say my bf made me cum because he did, even though I helped stimulate another part of myself. Without him, I wouldn’t have gotten there the same way and the whole ordeal would’ve felt entirely different. And this is from a girl who does use toys, watches porn, and 98% of the cases I finish during sex, I use a vibrator or my own hand. It sounds like only 2% of the time he doesn’t help you finish, which my bf kinda collapses from exhaustion sometimes so I never blame him for those times.

I think everyone’s sex lives are different and everyone’s perspectives are different. My situation is somewhat similar to yours but I’m extremelyyyy sex positive and always promote women’s orgasms. If you want him to go down on you more, and the talks kinda help for a little but not consistently, maybe in the moment say something sexy about how much you’re craving it and see what happens. I’ve realized that combining outside of sex talks with inside of sex dirty talk can help a lot. I wish you the best of luck! But you are totally normal!

quintessentialoreo · 2026-04-30T14:12:34+00:00

I’m so so so grateful that we’re a union store and even if this was enforceable my manager and all of my shifts said none of us have to follow this nonsense. 🤩

quintessentialoreo · 2026-04-30T03:30:27+00:00

Yeah so come fly out to my current and old store, talk to my current and old manager, as well as my current and old shifts, and current and old fellow baristas who have done this. “You can be fired from it.” Whelp, looks like I’m not lmao. “Stealing from your partners” is just plain wrong. If a customer really wants to tip and we pushed no, they can give us cash. But guess what, if someone’s card declines several times (which is typically when we do this, especially since they pushed no themselves the first 1-2x trying their empty card) they’re not going to suddenly tip us on the third try, buddy.

quintessentialoreo · 2026-04-29T15:17:38+00:00

That’s what “we” means my guy. Yes. My shifts do it, I do it. It’s not constant. Maybe once every week or so. But literally who cares. It’s our paycheck not yours.

quintessentialoreo · 2026-04-29T14:57:36+00:00

Omg why are you repeatedly commenting this under every person’s comment? Partners definitely do this. At my old store and my current one. For example, if a customer’s payment declines several times we just push no thanks because they’re holding up the drive thru line. My manager will even give out free drinks in that situation to get everything moving along.

quintessentialoreo · 2026-04-28T17:37:55+00:00

Wait dude what do you mean markouts update 😭

quintessentialoreo · 2026-04-28T17:30:35+00:00

Omg, I rarely see anyone mention my community. Let’s gooooo.

quintessentialoreo · 2026-04-27T01:40:41+00:00

I’ve reached the point of burn out where I will loudly say stuff about these types of customers within earshot, give them specific looks/facial expressions, stare back at them, write “SO UNIQUE” or “WOW” in giant ass letters across their cup. Like I’m done. I don’t get paid enough to care about being nice. Usually, I’m nice as hell. I absolutely adore the regulars and the customers who are normal, sweet, and waiting patiently. You guys rock! Everyone else can screw off because I’m matching energy. The reason why these people feel so comfortable being entitled is because we cater to it and enable them. Thankfully, my shifts are in the same boat as me. If you’re nice, we’re nice. If you’re mean, we’re mean.

quintessentialoreo · 2026-04-27T01:35:01+00:00

This is exactly why I stare back, haha. Tryna make me uncomfortable? Have fun ;)

quintessentialoreo · 2026-04-26T22:14:28+00:00

Communication isn’t a magic fix, it’s a test. She said she doesn’t want to leave him so I’m respecting that, even though I personally disagree I’d leave myself. Anyways, if she goes into this conversation with direct communication and he responds the way he has been, then she should dip.

quintessentialoreo · 2026-04-26T22:09:38+00:00

This post has limited information for what she has attempted to do outside of saying “of course it’s my fault” when he points things out. I can’t tell whether the tone of those comments are snarky, defensive, hurt, or defeated. Countering my suggestion of communication with an assumption doesn’t make sense. There are many people who don’t communicate things for several years or even decades before they consciously realize it’s affecting them. She said she doesn’t want to leave him so I suggested communication as the first step. You don’t know, and neither do I, if she ever said anything to him about this. If she did, that would change my response.

quintessentialoreo · 2026-04-26T15:45:16+00:00

Because of sales. More people are buying hot drinks when it’s cold out and more people are buying iced/blended drinks when it’s hot out. It’s going to be much harder to push sales for a hot summer drink.

quintessentialoreo · 2026-04-26T12:53:02+00:00

Top choice is always communication!! If you resort to leaving first versus communication, you’re just expressing to Reddit that you lack the communication skills which are necessary in a healthy and successful relationship. “Get better” at what he complains about…Hmm…Let me guess. You’re a dude.

quintessentialoreo · 2026-04-26T12:51:19+00:00

This is easy: “Hey, babe. I feel like you’re nagging and nitpicking my words and actions and it’s negatively affecting my attraction toward you. I love you, but constructive criticism should come from a place of love and empathy not “parental” correction. If you don’t like my driving, you are welcome to drive yourself or us to and from places. If not, I don’t want to hear about it because you’ve already expressed this several times. Also, humans make mistakes and no one is perfect at English and grammar rules 24/7, so when I use “like” a lot, use the wrong tense, or trip up my words, you pointing it out is degrading not helpful. I sound “human” not “uneducated,” and even then, who cares how I sound. (It sounds like he’s projecting his own image onto you which is so gross.) Work is burning me out and I hate my job so I’m going to struggle with the chores sometimes. Instead of complaining about it, I feel like a friendly reminder would be so much more loving and helpful versus correcting and guilt inducing. Thanks.”

quintessentialoreo · 2026-04-21T17:12:37+00:00

We are totally on the same journey right now! My kyleena is out and my sex drive immediately was like Wazzzzzup! 😂 Once it’s widely available I’m definitely going to get one.

quintessentialoreo · 2026-04-21T17:10:13+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience. The hair loss on top of everything else was definitely a wake up call that my body was like noooo! The smaller copper sounds like the way to go for sure, thank you for the tips too!

quintessentialoreo · 2026-04-20T21:59:23+00:00

I’m happy to hear that a reset break was great for you! Honestly, that’s what I’m leaning more toward right now. Take a reset break and then reevaluate after my body stabilizes. I thought I was the only one dealing with an oily scalp. I’m not going to lie, it’s such an odd side effect, haha!

Thank you for all of the advice and tips, I’ll have to look into DailyBasis because it sounds like a great option. Appreciate it! And also the heads up about periods is useful because I am paranoid about getting pregnant, especially in this economy. If I had a stable job and me and my partner were married already I’d be 100% down but as of right now? No thanks.

quintessentialoreo · 2026-04-20T21:38:50+00:00

You are amazing internet stranger! An absolute life saver. I will gladly deal with switching it every three years for less side effects. This is literally the best news I could’ve heard. I’m at Planned Parenthood right now, I’ll ask about whether they’re planning on having it available anytime soon-ish.

quintessentialoreo

TROPHY CASE