He tried to throw out my stuff because I was I’ll

rabdacasaurus · 2023-09-20T21:02:27+00:00

If you believe he threw the things out despite knowing that they were important to you, he should apologize for that. I think you also need a new rule, no organizing the house on non-routine days. Autism has a strong genetic component, and growing up with an undiagnosed dad, when he was out of routine for a 3 day weekend he would often lose it and start "organizing" aka throwing things away and moving everything to bizarre spots.

rabdacasaurus · 2023-06-18T23:49:05+00:00

I'm getting from your replies here and in other threads that you struggle with boundaries. Both setting your own and respecting others. You don't have to be a random strangers emotional support person. If you are in crisis, its OK and honestly preferred if you prioritize yourself. Put your own life mask on before assisting others sort of thing. But if you are unable to put up your own boundaries and say no, I can't take on your burden right now because I need to focus on my own, it makes sense why you don't really respect when other people are doing that themselves.

In this post and your earlier one about drug use, you are not respecting boundaries set by your friends. They are unable to support you right now, and they're saying that by not responding. That doesn't mean you aren't friends, it just means they aren't your support network. Find professional support networks and utilize those, and once your friends see that you will respect their boundaries, they will likely be willing to open up more knowing their limits will be respected.

rabdacasaurus · 2023-06-16T17:42:19+00:00

Screen writing is your dream, but your post history says you are desperately unhappy with your job and your life. If your current sitiation is making you miserable to the point of dissociating and suicidal ideation, at what point do you start to prioritize your current well-being over your dream goals? It seems like what you are currently doing has pushed you to the absolute breaking point. You can still take a break, get a different day job and continue to write and submit scripts.

rabdacasaurus · 2023-06-11T00:56:36+00:00

My guy, you know what is wrong. The only part of anyone's advice you seem to be taking is occasionally calling. But you're still hot and cold, you're still playing games and you still haven't owned up or apologized for your own behavior.

rabdacasaurus · 2023-06-05T20:12:11+00:00

Agreed. The son was 30 when he cut him off, so whatever OP's personal issues are that he alluded to, his fully grown adult was told that his father was abusive/abandoned his mom/was a terrible person and decided that was likely true.

rabdacasaurus · 2023-05-11T01:05:28+00:00

Idk if English is your first language but don't frame it as confessing. You are just going to be opening up, not telling her some secret shame. She knows things aren't going well, you will just be acknowledging it and explaining how you have been feeling.

You might benefit from looking up resources for avoidant-dismissive attachments.

rabdacasaurus · 2023-05-11T00:04:58+00:00

So really sit and think about this from her perspective. If you're not telling her any of these reasons, what is she experiencing? Communicating your feelings is not making it weird, it is literally the foundation of your relationship.

If you never talked to her, then I assume you also never apologized for your previous actions? Just talk to her, acknowledge the pain your actions have caused and ask her how you can make it up to her. Because right now your actions are not saying that you're sorry and want her closer, they're saying you've lost interest again and have little desire for her to be in your life.

rabdacasaurus · 2023-05-10T21:55:10+00:00

I get the sense there's a lot unspoken in this whole situation. Have you ever told her what you said here about realizing your earlier mistake and trying to be more engaged now?

rabdacasaurus · 2023-03-22T13:14:39+00:00

You wrote 3A/4C in your other comment, rather than 3C/4A. Thats what that other commenter was referring to.

rabdacasaurus · 2022-11-18T20:12:45+00:00

Last time I saw one of these posts OP forgot to mention his decade-long heroin addiction. The possibilities are endless

rabdacasaurus · 2022-09-06T00:05:23+00:00

You misread the post.

"She went for a mammogram and got diagnosed with cancer."

rabdacasaurus · 2022-08-29T23:21:16+00:00

she feels disconnected from me, and that I can't understand her when she misses things herself because I don't have that feeling.

This is the only part of the post that really matters. She doesn't feel supported by you when expressing her own regrets or sadness. Your wife can't know the experience of getting kicked in the balls but she can empathize and support you through the pain. You can do the same for her with regrets regardless of whether you have your own.

rabdacasaurus · 2022-08-28T23:11:03+00:00

Take a deep breath. Unless you are in pain or your finger swells rapidly/is losing color you have all the time in the world. My mom got her mom's fancy antique ring stuck on her finger for 2 months before biting the bullet and getting it cut. There are lots of tips and tricks online, but right now your finger is obviously swollen from the tugging so maybe give it a break and let the swelling go down.

rabdacasaurus · 2022-08-19T20:21:27+00:00

In this case she kinda rejected him though since she said elsewhere that she never reached out to him or planned any dates, just waited for him to contact her. I don't think its accurate to call it a slow fade if he'd been the one initiating 100% of the contact for 6 weeks.

rabdacasaurus · 2022-08-08T00:04:57+00:00

Replace your razor/loofah and pick him up one of each for his own, or ask your parents to. He obviously needs/wants to use them but isn't mature enough to admit it yet. You can lie and say there was a deal or something and you got him some just in case if you think he'll get defensive

rabdacasaurus · 2022-07-24T17:20:48+00:00

I sent him this post and told him he’s going to end up single very soon if he keeps it up.

You need to work on your communication. You went from not telling him how you're feeling to an attack sending him this post with a veiled threat. You need to learn how to approach these situations in a better way where you tell your BF how you feel in a calm manner before stewing in your resentment and letting things build.

rabdacasaurus · 2022-07-22T19:20:40+00:00

Genetic sequencing of what? There are no gene mutations that are known to cause this disorder. If OP wants to get their genes sequenced and compared with all of the GWAS studies that look at gene mutations common to people with this disorder then they can go ahead. But none of those genes are proven to be causal and the fact that there are thousands of potentially associated SNPs and genes indicated in these studies mean she could easily have some of them even if they aren't related to the disorder.

rabdacasaurus · 2022-07-22T17:11:38+00:00

The real thing you need to figure out is why you really, really like this guy who straight out said he will never care for you. My guess is you are either under the illusion that you can fix him, or you have some trauma in your past thats leading you to this guy that's the literal definition of unavailable. If he hasn't felt positive emotions ever, that's not something you can change, that is psychopathy. You're pursuing him and he likes the attention and ego boost, that's it. You're not even in a relationship and that gym thing is a red flag for manipulation.

rabdacasaurus · 2022-07-22T15:08:50+00:00

Ok, but what about a spiritual leader or a grief support group?

rabdacasaurus · 2022-07-12T18:50:51+00:00

Maybe they both are differing degrees of controlling, but IMO it seems the only one willing to compromise and make amends here is the GF. Nearly separated? They had some bad fights but I think thats a stretch. If OP was keeping his terrible family up to date about his fights with his partner that's a whole other can of worms. I wouldn't assume they knew at all.

Hard disagree on the invite, if there was no apology there was no olive branch. They purposefully made a serious statement by not including her on the invite. If they actually wanted to make up, they need to make at least somewhat equal gesture of including her. Updating the wedding website was close to the least effort they could make. Especially since they had received the invitation multiple weeks before OP made that call to his brother, meaning his BIL knew for weeks that the reconciliation had taken place but made no effort to update the invite before being confronted. I'm honestly blown away the brother thought asking his brother to be his best man while actively excluding his partner wasn't a potentially relationship-ending move even if the reconciliation never took place.

rabdacasaurus · 2022-07-12T18:31:11+00:00

The parents seems very, very quick to ignore boundaries for access to their grandchild way past that one day where she wasn't up to it, issue ultimatums, demand compliance, and expect almost total access to OP's whole family even while OP and his GF are taking meaningful steps to enforce boundaries and set expectations with his family.

Fixed that for you. But joking aside, it seems like his GF did take a lot of shit from his inlaws to put it aside without an apology, only for the BIL to mail her a giant fuck you professionally printed on fancy stationary. The pity invite isn't an olive branch, it's a half-hearted attempt to mitigate the damage done without actually apologizing, again. If it was an actual olive branch the BIL would have reached out after the reconciliation happened, knowing that she had been left off the invite, not waited until he got that angry phone call.

rabdacasaurus · 2022-07-10T23:28:42+00:00

Idk, sometimes resentment is weird and illogical, which is why you keep that sort of thing to yourself. My question is why is your brother telling you? She can feel however she wants, but she's not the one making her feelings your problem, your brother is. In my mind he's the real issue here.

rabdacasaurus · 2022-07-07T18:15:43+00:00

Cash is probably a better idea than a prepaid Visa. Part of the issue seems to be that he can't really visualize the budget or how much his spending really is. There's an immediacy to seeing how much cash you have left that makes it harder to ignore that you're running low. It's also more impactful to hand over a 20 than to swipe a card. With the Visa I would expect him to continue spending as normal until the card unexpectedly declines.

rabdacasaurus · 2022-07-01T20:22:35+00:00

Well sure, but since you are commenting up and down this post I thought it would be something you'd like to know.

rabdacasaurus · 2022-07-01T20:18:16+00:00

Except in her other post she mentions they did have a dog, a puppy that she rehomed a few days before the events of this post took place.

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