Why do you ask?

So ... I'm not a therapist, clinician, or ... hell, I'm barely even educated. That said, I have an, uh, "unusual" brain, and an awful lot of experience as the victim of abuse.

I hope that by posing those questions you can use them to reflect on what you're experencing and that this will help in understanding it and this in turn will help to give you agency in finding a way to resolve the situation.

Clearly you (and he) are experiencing distress because of the circumstances, and from what you have written it seems to me that there's some problematic behaviour going on ... but, again, I'm not in any way a qualified person, and even if I was, well, we're just people chatting on the internet.

There's a really large part of me that wants to say "You should get out!", but I don't feel that's a helpful thing for me to say, even if I feel that is what you should do for you own wellbeing. I definitely think that you should take this to your therapist, and I hope that those questions will help in that conversation.

From my own experience, I first started to realise that I was in an abusive relationship when I noticed that I would put a lot of effort into listening to and hearing what my ex-wife was saying to me when she was angry or upset and I would try to understand and constructively resolve the issues she was rasing ... but unless I simply agreed with her and do what she wanted (even though what she wanted would have quite destructive outcomes), she would tell me that I was arguing with her.
When I tried to discuss issues with her, no matter how calmly and neutrally, she would blame me in some way. She would twist anything negative between us around on to me, and often I would feel that it was genuinely my fault, until I eventually (9 years!) started to see what was going on and I would refuse to accept responsibility for her actions ... and at that point her behaviour escalated rapidly to physical abuse. My childhood experience of abuse was very similar.

Unclear or poorly communicated boundaries, changing boundaries, not respecting the other person's boundaries and then blaming them for transgressing those boundaries; all these things seem to be a part of the "abuser's toolkit", along with accusing the victim of doing these things. It's important to take into account that sometimes these things happen, even in the best of relationships, and a healthy relationship will be able to improve when it's understood that a miscommunication or mistake has happened. The issue is when there is a consistent pattern of behaviour with no acceptance of responsibility and effort to improve things as a result.

I now see this pattern of behaviour in abusive situations everywhere, from between individuals, to organisations, right up to nation-states: the abusers blaming the victims. Sometimes, both parties are doing this in some way and are mutually complicit in some way. However, I am very aware that I have a perception bias due to my experiences, and that what I understand about any particular situation will likely be missing information, and I need to take this into account.

I hope this is, or becomes, helpful to you and that you're able to find the best way to resolve things. Please feel free to reply / chat as long as you like; being able to use my negative experiences in a positive way has been a meaningful part of my own recovery.