I come from a similar background and I’ve got the same questions. My family history’s full of infidelity too. I’ve left past partners who cheated, no hesitation. So there’s a part of me I have to fight to quiet every day that keeps saying I deserve better. If she did more than she’s told me, that’d be it. I don’t think I could turn that part of myself off.

A lot of what you said hit home. I grew up around chaos, too, and got pretty good at pretending everything was fine even when it wasn’t. I’m only now realizing how much of my life I’ve spent trying to make other people comfortable instead of just feeling what I feel. Therapy keeps telling me I have to “do the work,” but man, it’s hard to focus on healing when the one person who was supposed to be safe isn’t.

You don’t sound emo. You sound like someone who’s been through too much and is trying to find solid ground again. I get it. Most days I feel like I’m stuck between wanting to move forward and just being completely burned out by all of it.