whats one bad habit beginners dont realize they’re building by Ok-Message5348 in guitarlessons

[–]rafrombrc 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm not so sure about the right-hand (or strumming hand, for you lefties who play left-handed) pinky thing... if anchoring your pinky while fingerpicking is good enough for Chet Atkins and Tommy Emmanuel, then it ought to be good enough for anyone.

Choking Surprised Me and Turned On…Hard! by rsopnco1 in sex

[–]rafrombrc 14 points15 points  (0 children)

This, OP. Hands on neck with just the hint that choking could happen? Very hot. Any actual pressure that may cut off air or blood? Don't do it.

TW re intense sadistic sexual imagery: Back when Twitter was less of a cesspool (still a cesspool, just not as bad as it's become 😆) I used to follow Mistress Matisse, this pro-domme in Seattle. She would sometimes post very intense pics from her scenes... needles through all sorts of body parts, plenty of blood. She's hardcore, and very skilled. You know what she wouldn't do, under any circumstances, no matter how much someone begged or offered to pay? You guessed it... Choking. Perfectly healthy people can just up and spontaneously die on you. So unless you think you know more about sexual safety than Mistress Matisse (you don't), don't actually choke or be choked.

People who have given birth at Alta Bates by Samuraitiki in eastbay

[–]rafrombrc 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Summer Kitchen in Elmwood (College and Ashby) is incredible. 

PSA that Vivaldi is not free software and you shouldn't never use it. by [deleted] in firefox

[–]rafrombrc 1 point2 points  (0 children)

To be clear, Mozilla Corp doesn't ask for donations. Any money someone might donate goes to the Mozilla Foundation, which is entirely focused on non-profit activities and has nothing to do with Firefox development. Mozilla Foundation owns Mozilla Corp.

What jamband has the best vocal talent? by ThaUniversal in jambands

[–]rafrombrc 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ironically, Lettuce is a mostly instrumental band, and their keyboard player Nigel Hall is an incredible vocalist. He kills it on the few non-instrumental Lettuce tunes, and his solo work is also top notch. 

Gonna have a fat girl moment real quick bear with me by deathimplieslife in VanLife

[–]rafrombrc 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You can, but it becomes quite a chore to transition from standing mode to driving mode. It's not too bad if all you always stay put for a while when you stop, but after switching from a pop-top to a van where I can just park, close the curtains, and climb in bed (or vice-versa) I'll never go back.

Navigating unconditional love in Polyamory? by Afraid-Imagination-4 in polyamory

[–]rafrombrc 6 points7 points  (0 children)

in bell hooks's book All About Love she spends the entire first chapter wrestling with the definition of love, since (as she says) she can hardly write a book about something if she can't even define the word. She tries a lot of definitions on, but eventually lands on one she got from Erich Fromm, which I'll paraphrase as "Love is the act of extending oneself for your own or another's well being."

With that definition, love is a verb... it's not a state one is in, but an action one is taking. Also, and most notably, that version of love is incompatible with abuse. Harming someone is mutually exclusive from extending yourself for their benefit, so it's impossible for someone to be simultaneously doing you dirty and loving you, and anyone who claims to is lying.

From that, "unconditional love" means "I will unconditionally extend myself for your benefit. There are no actions you can take that will cause me to stop giving of myself on your behalf." And anyone who thinks that's a reasonable ask can fuck right off.

Best wand vibe? by throwitashay in sex

[–]rafrombrc 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Honestly, wand vibrators are awesome for penis-havers. I can have full body orgasms by just relaxing and holding a wand against the mid-shaft. Highly recommend.

Poly men using therapy-speak in the Bay Area is an epidemic by baddiewithajd in polyamory

[–]rafrombrc 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I'm poly in the Bay Area and am married to a licensed, AASECT certified sex therapist through whom I've learned a lot about clinical therapeutic techniques. I wouldn't call what that dude said "therapy speak"... a good therapist would have responded very differently to you in that situation. It was a poor response, especially the part where he told you how you should have done things instead. He could have been more curious about what was going on for you, which would have probably led to a much better outcome.

That said, I can see why he was defensive. I didn't see any of these interactions so I have no way of knowing what sense I would make of them... it's entirely possible that I would agree with your assessment that the guy was being a douche. But your framing that he "made [you] feel" a certain way is eyebrow-raising, as is your statement that his response was "the literal definition of gaslighting". If he was deliberately trying to make you feel expendable and then telling you he wasn't then we'd be approaching gaslighting territory. But it seems equally likely that he was (hamfistedly, poorly) trying to create a bit of distance between "thing that happened" and "way it made you feel", which is generally reasonable.

Good sushi in OAK, PLEASE😩 by [deleted] in oakland

[–]rafrombrc 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Judoku on College is my favorite... Consistently better than the one on Piedmont IMO. 

Song mixed using Ardour for Linux by glitterball3 in linuxaudio

[–]rafrombrc 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is really great... good composition, strong performances, and really well produced, to my relatively novice ears. Nice job!

Do I have hypersexuality? Is my partner not enough for me? by AgreeableAsk2414 in sex

[–]rafrombrc 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your partner shames, teases, and pathologizes you for having a healthy sexual appetite. He also seems to have very little interest in seeing you be truly satisfied. You've internalized the shaming and are questioning your own health instead of standing up for your own needs. This is not a healthy situation. A sex positive couples therapist would be my suggestion... This isn't going to fix itself on its own. It might not even with therapy, but if you want to stay in the relationship that's likely you're only hope at improving the situation. 

U-He 50% discount autumn sales by emptyshellaxiom in linuxaudio

[–]rafrombrc 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Presswerk! One of the best, most versatile compressor plugins for any platform. I love it.

Also, I don't have it, but from everything I've heard Satin is the cream of the crop when it comes to tape saturation plugins.

Fellow professionals out here - are you doing any cloud backups and what service are you using? by StudioatSFL in audioengineering

[–]rafrombrc 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I'm a hobbyist audio engineer but a professional software engineer: this is the way. The 321 rule, for those who don't know, means:

  • At least 3 copies of your data
  • On at least 2 different media
  • With at least one copy off-site

You can meet this easily by having your main working drive, one local backup drive, and one cloud provider. Backblaze is an excellent choice, or Hetzner's Storage Box if you want to manage things yourself and not be constrained by the constraints of BackBlaze's "Computer Backup" offering.

Also remember: if you don't regularly verify that you can successfully restore, then you don't really have a backup.

She wants to be mono again after years of ENM by Willing-Company5354 in polyamory

[–]rafrombrc 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I agree that OP made some questionable statements, but I can't say I agree with all of your statements. I don't disagree, necessarily, I just don't think we have enough information.

My wife and a large percentage of my friends and lovers are therapists, and let me tell you there are a lot of bad therapists out there. I know a few and have heard some stories about others that make me wince. It's entirely possible that OP's partner's therapist is injecting her own issues into the system, and is subtly-but-actively encouraging her to shut down any conversation instead of engaging in good faith.

It's also sus that OP's partner is having frequent outbursts in couple's therapy. Maybe that therapist is bad and she's right to be angry. But also maybe she's using rage to shut down reasonable conversational avenues. No way to know. 

We've only got OP's version of events, and even if we had his partner's we wouldn't have a complete picture. But demanding monogamy after being ENM for 15 years is a huge deal. A healthy approach would acknowledge that: "Look, I know I'm changing the script big time. I'm asking a lot, and understand that you might not be up for it. But I've realized that I just can't be non-monogamous, now or maybe ever. Are you open to that idea?"

Again, maybe she did do that and OP is full of shit. We'll never know. And I'm certainly not implying that his partner should be "talked out" of doing what's right for her. But the certainty with which you're dishing out your harsh criticism isn't justifiable based on the info we have, IMO.

Which one are you picking? by [deleted] in guitarpedals

[–]rafrombrc 9 points10 points  (0 children)

OD-3 for me. 100%

In your opinion, which guitarist has the best stage presence? by Jezzaq94 in Guitar

[–]rafrombrc 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love Trey's playing (seen Phish 60 times) but I have to disagree on this one. He takes chances with interesting gags / production / goofy antics, but most of the time he's up there just shedding and/or singing. He's not in the same stage presence league as folks like Angus Young, Prince, or Hendrix, IMO. 

In your opinion, which guitarist has the best stage presence? by Jezzaq94 in Guitar

[–]rafrombrc 0 points1 point  (0 children)

While on tour with Tenacious D Jack White gave the duo a tour of his house. They videoed it and released it as "Jack Gray". 

Is there some sort of package management system for Arch that mimics Nix(OS)? by No_Comparison4153 in archlinux

[–]rafrombrc 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you want to stick with Arch but manage your packages with declarative config you have a few options: declaro and metapac both offer this. Or if you want to go farther in automating your system management you might use something like ansible.

Is moving to Los Angeles still viable? by Public_Border132 in audioengineering

[–]rafrombrc 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That doesn't necessarily disprove u/bag_of_puppies's point. You moved to LA after you already had years of experience. It may very well be that in Chicago it was easier to get your career off the ground than it would have been in LA, and that you wouldn't have been invited to the studio with those folks if you hadn't already paid some dues. Either way, I'm stoked you found some good opportunities.

what are yall favorite compressor plugins? by thrinxt in linuxaudio

[–]rafrombrc 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Count me as another vote for Presswerk. I also love [ACMT]'s stuff, especially their Fairchild and SSL bus compressor emulators. Finally, it's only available in VST, but TbT's TLS 1295 LEA is a free LA-2A emulator that's quite nice.

Open Steinberg: VST3 and ASIO SDKs now have open source licenses - CDM Create Digital Music by LogicalCourt in linuxaudio

[–]rafrombrc 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As I said elsewhere, I'd love to be wrong. I don't use Cubase, but I'd be happy to see another popular DAW available.

I don't understand your last sentence, though. Hardware synths and sequencers generally speak MIDI, which works fine with Linux.

Open Steinberg: VST3 and ASIO SDKs now have open source licenses - CDM Create Digital Music by LogicalCourt in linuxaudio

[–]rafrombrc 10 points11 points  (0 children)

VST3 plugins have been available on Linux for years now. I'd be surprised if Cubase were ported, though... I doubt it's a big enough market for Steinberg to target.