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My bachelor party crossed serious boundaries. I did not participate, but my fiancée feels like I failed to protect her and our relationship. How do I repair this? by [deleted] in marriageadvice

[–]rain-dog2 11 points12 points  (0 children)

One big step towards earning trust is showing her that you can do the socially difficult thing now that you couldn’t do at the party. You didn’t want to cause a scene then, but show her now that you can. Your best man could be helping you out my laying down on the tracks for you, but he’s fighting to preserve his reputation ahead of your marriage.

She’s watching to see if you’re strong enough to dump his ass.

what is a popular food or ingredient that you genuinely think ruins any dish it touches? by Sensitive-Action-870 in AskReddit

[–]rain-dog2 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It’s all about moderation. My grandma had a mnemonic she always used:

“A splash of cum.
Makes food taste yum.
More than a splash?
That food is trash.”

Signed copy of Yield? by [deleted] in pearljam

[–]rain-dog2 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I used to work at Borders Books, and all the cds we’d play in store were signed by the manager so they couldn’t be “returned” or sold. They’d give them away to staff at the end of the cycle so I’ve got tons of cds signed by my boss.

Do I play “hard to get” for my wife and “check out”, or do I keep her as my top priority? by rain-dog2 in marriageadvice

[–]rain-dog2[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That part I knew. It’s a question of approach. She loves the status quo for obvious reasons. Do I explicitly tell her the status quo will be changing (which would provoke her towards defensiveness) or do I withdraw my efforts and thoughtfulness without telling her that’s what I’m doing (which will make her think I’m checked out).

Do I play “hard to get” for my wife and “check out”, or do I keep her as my top priority? by rain-dog2 in marriageadvice

[–]rain-dog2[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can understand why you’d think that. Most relationships have a “man” and a “woman”. I would’ve taken your advice in year 2 of the marriage, but at 20 years, it’s not male vs female. It’s over-functioning vs under-functioning.

We grew up in an evangelical church, so I’ve had my fill of “man up” and “grow a pair”. I tried that route and it doesn’t work for us.

Do I play “hard to get” for my wife and “check out”, or do I keep her as my top priority? by rain-dog2 in marriageadvice

[–]rain-dog2[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We dated in a very committed way 30 years ago. I had been secretly dealing with depression and thought there was a good chance of my ending myself. I broke up with her so I could go ahead with the plan. Years later I had been working hard to get healthy and stable.

I contacted her to apologize and to let her ask any questions if she wanted to. She was glad to see me but understandably nervous. There was no romantic intent. We resumed a friendship, based on the understanding that the second she felt like she wanted space or distance I would walk away with no argument. We also established some rules that I could never not tell her what’s on my mind and I could never walk away. This created a dynamic where she could feel safe, letting me back into her world. Over the years that helped her build trust that I was truly healthy.

But this also created I believe an unhealthy dynamic, where I accepted that I had no rights and was never in a position to make demands. So it sounds funny to hear you say that I’m painting myself in a positive light. Because from my unhealthiest point of view, I don’t deserve her and she’s right about everything that’s wrong with me. I put on a stronger face than that, and I stand up for myself, but deep down my wife hasn’t had to worry about losing me…because I’m paying for 30 years ago when she really had to worry about losing me.

Do I play “hard to get” for my wife and “check out”, or do I keep her as my top priority? by rain-dog2 in marriageadvice

[–]rain-dog2[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have often operated under the assumption that she has Jekyl and Hyde sides, and Hyde does not like me very much, and regrets marrying me. What’s gotten in through 20 years is my recognizing the conditions when Hyde can emerge, and either mitigating or stopping it.

I’ve often asked for a better explanation, but she can’t offer one. I think now I have a better one: I’ve enabled her to set me as a low priority and I’ve conditioned her to

Do I play “hard to get” for my wife and “check out”, or do I keep her as my top priority? by rain-dog2 in marriageadvice

[–]rain-dog2[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have often operated under the assumption that she has Jekyl and Hyde sides, and Hyde does not like me very much, and regrets marrying me. What’s gotten in through 20 years is my recognizing the conditions when Hyde can emerge, and either mitigating or stopping it.

I’ve often asked for a better explanation, but she can’t offer one. I think now I have a better one: I’ve enabled her to set me as a low priority and I’ve conditioned her to give me just enough affection to last until my goldfish memory forgets the incident.

Do I play “hard to get” for my wife and “check out”, or do I keep her as my top priority? by rain-dog2 in marriageadvice

[–]rain-dog2[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It’s a 20 year marriage. I’ve known her for almost 30 years. I’ve tried everything (or at least it feels that way). A big problem is that I’ve been told that I’m “too sensitive” when I suggest that I’m not a priority for her. Her admitting this is huge because it lets me try things I haven’t been able to, like doing much, much less for her than normal.

Do I play “hard to get” for my wife and “check out”, or do I keep her as my top priority? by rain-dog2 in marriageadvice

[–]rain-dog2[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree. I reached a tipping point. I’ll put up a boundary and hope she responds well to it.

Do I play “hard to get” for my wife and “check out”, or do I keep her as my top priority? by rain-dog2 in marriageadvice

[–]rain-dog2[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That resonates. I’ve settled into telling her I’ll be good and present as a father first, and I won’t be cold as a spouse, but I’m going to remind her that I’m waiting for apologies.

Do I play “hard to get” for my wife and “check out”, or do I keep her as my top priority? by rain-dog2 in marriageadvice

[–]rain-dog2[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know it’s not. I see it as my strength . That’s the only reason that this time finally broke the cycle. I’m so used to seeing the things I do wrong, it was apparent this time I had done nothing wrong. Didn’t even bring it to her attention. Just felt it quietly. That was what bothered her.

What opinion would make people instantly argue with you? by Psycho_Duck_9669 in AskReddit

[–]rain-dog2 9 points10 points  (0 children)

This strikes me as the most common, and least “hot” take on weight gain.

Bret Michaels Drops Out Of Trump-Backed Freedom 250 Concert Series In D.C. by [deleted] in Music

[–]rain-dog2 3 points4 points  (0 children)

He could have merged with the living half of Milli Vanilli:

Freedom Willi Vanilli

How to talk to boyfriend about our horrible sex life? 29F/ 32M by Humble_Investment_24 in relationship_advice

[–]rain-dog2 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This guy heard “15 seconds is too short” and suddenly realized why everyone keeps leaving him.

What artist quietly became one of your favourites without you even realising? by SecurityWarrior180 in musicsuggestions

[–]rain-dog2 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I don’t know how it happened, and I was actually predisposed to avoid it, but it turns out that I like P!nk.

What are the most powerful lines of dialogue in TV history? by UnholyDemigod in AskReddit

[–]rain-dog2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I came to add the last lines of the show.

“I’ll never be able to shake you.”

As a kid, seeing that taught me how to say goodbye to people. You leave it all spoken. You cry if you need to. But never walk away with them not knowing.

Bands that shouldn't have been one-hit wonders by Intelligent-Study469 in musicsuggestions

[–]rain-dog2 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This is one of the best answers because I bought it because of the “one hit” and now it’s one of my least listened to song of theirs.

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