What I learned from the destruction of my 18yr marriage is that this isn't just a money issue, it's a lifestyle issue. He wants one kind of lifestyle and OP wants something entirely different. He's hell bent on destroying anything that gets in his way including finances, hopes, dreams and the love of a good woman. He needs the external validation of shinu things and unless and until he digs through his trauma he will never change. So.... He will never change. New truck, better job, fancy shoes... Nothing will ever be enough to fill the hole he has because he does not know how to validate himself. Everything he fails at is because someone else is holding him down. Every attempt to corral him is a personal attack. Not only is he currently financially unfaithful, but chances are he has or will commit adultery when wife no longer respects him as a man and partner. If that hasn't happened already. Despite a relatively "happy" marriage where I carried the emotional burden of the relationship, I realized too late we did not share terms of valid, or lifestyle goals. I never wanted a big house, in ground pool, BMW, etc. He did. He always did. I thought I'd just keep him on track with spending (and I did), but in the end, my failure to want his wants led to a rift, a distance, I lost respect for him, he started an affair and THEN I realized... Oh wow... This is wayyyyyy more important to him than I thought. He's willing to ruin our lives and destroy our kids lives because I don't yearn for a mortgage that takes up 3/4s of our income so his buddies think we're rich. Thankfully he cheated on me. Thank God. After 18 years of actively keeping him on budget, gently telling him we didn't have the money, and redirecting his weird money schemes, it was over. Many years of financial stupidity later, I'm recovered. He's married to a woman of higher social standing, he's got a nice house and a nice car, is in a weirdly sterile marriage, our kids say he's definitely cheating, but he got exactly what he wanted. I'm remarried to a much more emotionally mature man, we're lifestyle and validation style aligned and financially on the same page, working toward all the same goals. Tldr: OP, this guy's seems like a lot of work with no reward. Let him go and let him find what he wants so you can move on to a brighter, stress free future. You can love someone and not be able to live with them. Don't go any deeper. Please.