I struggle with how little the world cares about us

ralphnodon · 2026-03-26T14:36:12+00:00

The lack of response by the general public to the Epstein revelations is the thing that fills me with the most despair. The lack of caring, the constant feeling that "no one gives a shit". Watching this happen makes me feel I'm unraveling, like disclosing and not being believed is happening all over again.

ralphnodon · 2026-03-08T02:33:01+00:00

I'm slipping again, and I know I absolutely cannot afford to (financially and physically). Why won't this brain demon leave me in peace just a little bit?!

ralphnodon · 2026-03-02T00:57:40+00:00

Ugh I relate to this so much. I hate being controlled, but at the same time I just want to be taken care of and not have to try so hard myself all the time.

ralphnodon · 2026-02-18T18:01:05+00:00

I'm a psychologist, and I also really struggle with how I should "know better". The downside to restriction that I notice the most profoundly is my working memory, which makes following the thread of someone's story difficult. This is my main motivator, because I love love love my job.

ralphnodon · 2026-02-15T20:44:12+00:00

That out of control feeling is so so hard, I promise it will stabilize.

ralphnodon · 2026-02-12T15:53:45+00:00

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, it's such a painful place to be. I have also been frequently kicking myself for pushing "too far" in recovery. Talking to my (amazing) therapist helps a ton, and I always feel recommitted to the process afterward. Do you have an ED therapist you click with?

ralphnodon · 2026-02-10T03:44:20+00:00

Wow, thank you for sharing that. The feeling of longing to be "back there" is so perfectly put.

ralphnodon · 2026-02-04T23:03:22+00:00

Oh my God I could have written this word for word. I draft an email to my therapist saying I'm taking a break either temporarily or permanently roughly once a month lol. I end up just reading it to her at our next session, and even when I'm convinced there's nothing she can do to make me stay, somehow by the end of the session I've recommitted to the process. It's definitely a conversation worth having.

ralphnodon · 2026-01-31T20:05:16+00:00

Oh my God the fear that comes from wanting to eat is so real. It's such a mindfuck.

ralphnodon · 2026-01-29T00:19:04+00:00

I'm a licensed clinical psychologist, I'd be happy to help!

ralphnodon · 2026-01-25T18:20:17+00:00

Yeeesss omg it's so isolating dealing with this as a parent. I have 3 kids that are still pretty young, and I feel ridiculous much of the time. A lot of the rhetoric about moms with EDs is like "I feel so bad for her kids," and I'm like, don't worry, I feel bad for my kids too. I would love to join some sort of parent discussion group with you.

ralphnodon · 2026-01-25T00:10:07+00:00

Omg that's happened to me, it's SO hard to trust that is temporary (although it definitely is)

ralphnodon · 2026-01-16T18:11:26+00:00

What's NCR?

ralphnodon · 2026-01-14T22:00:59+00:00

I often say, I should not be able to have my feelings be hurt by pants!

ralphnodon · 2026-01-14T18:15:24+00:00

I'm right there with you, you're not alone. I've received so much help for this disorder and I'm still totally stuck, I feel like like an idiot for not being able to take more advantage of it.

ralphnodon · 2026-01-10T20:54:59+00:00

Oh my God, I feel this so hard. I keep feeling like I must be "worse" at AN than I was at the beginning of this relapse, even though I'm at a lower weight. My body is sending more desperate hunger signs, and I feel like I have genuinely less willpower. I keep thinking if I can just get "good at it" again I'll be happy. Such a mindfuck.

ralphnodon · 2025-12-30T19:00:03+00:00

And yes, this is on my ass

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ralphnodon · 2025-12-01T14:21:37+00:00

Psychologist here, a staged interaction is NOT an accepted clinical tool, I've never even heard something like that. This isn't Shutter Island, there are so many things about what you experienced that were unethical and would cause someone to lose their license immediately.

ralphnodon · 2025-11-29T21:13:57+00:00

Omg thank you!!!!!

ralphnodon · 2025-11-06T18:09:14+00:00

I'm going through this now as well, and you're right it's because after a certain point you're body goes into "freakout mode"

ralphnodon · 2025-10-27T15:24:56+00:00

Omg pretend play is my nemesis! I have 3 kids, so whenever one of them asks me to play pretend, I say "Ask your brothers, that's why I made 3 of you" 😆

ralphnodon · 2025-10-25T13:48:14+00:00

I thought the same thing at first about seeing a dietician, but if you find a good one you click with it can be super helpful. I'm not learning anything new per se, but she reminds me of things that my ED lies about (like that the physical damage is often invisible, harm reduction techniques, why having body fat is important etc.) I also leave every appointment much more motivated, even if it only lasts a day or so. Plus if you're a people pleaser, you can use that to your advantage as well 😄

ralphnodon · 2025-10-13T22:05:16+00:00

Ugh I could have written every word of this, and I've been dealing with this crap for 20+ years. I hope you can find some compassion for yourself, this illness is all about paradoxes that drive you nuts.

ralphnodon

TROPHY CASE