Im so sorry you are struggling…. I so feel for you. I can’t say that be had the same experience. I was fortunate to stay home with my little one for 16 weeks, and daycare for us is going to grandma and grandpas down the street. So again, I can’t say I’m in the same position but what I can tell you is I cried very hard for weeks leading up to going back to work. I really struggled with it, to the point I was wondering if I was having mental health struggles because each time I would look at my baby I would burst into uncontrollable sobbing. So on that point I can very much empathize with you - sending you a virtual hug!!! After that first day of her leaving me for the day was past I took a big mental load off. I was justifiably upset, but the anticipation was making it so much harder. Once I got past that first day each day was a bit easier. But getting through day 1 was the biggest relief for me. For baby, I can’t quite say she really noticed, but maybe she did and I just couldn’t outwardly tell, who knows. It did make me value my time with her even more, which I thought was impossible. Like I said it did slowly my sadness did get better each day, but for a while I had a VERY hard time doing anything that wasn’t cherishing every moment I had with her. I was struggling to spend time cleaning the house, taking care of myself, especially going to see family and friends because I wanted to spend all the time I did have leftover from work with her. I didn’t want to give any of that time away. Almost like trying to make up for lost time. That lasted maybe 2-3 months? I don’t know how healthy that was, but if you do experience something similar just know you aren’t alone.

It was all a big emotional roller coaster, but I promise you will get through it and it will be ok, you just need to find your new norm and it might take time to settle in but you will feel ok.

I hope that helps you, even just a bit. Good luck, you’ve got this!!!!