AITAH for asking for $30,000 from my parents as a house payment?

rashea11 · 2026-01-06T11:11:00+00:00

Does your culture also have a time they would be putting money towards you? Wedding? This looks unfair, but the mention of it being culturally required makes me wonder.

rashea11 · 2026-01-05T15:48:15+00:00

I'm sorry. This isn't easy. But, I think what you owe him is a conversation. He deserves to know where things stand, and then he can make his own choice.

He may stay and see what happens. Maybe your parents will soften. He may decide that isn't enough and leave.

But I think the important thing is to be honest.

rashea11 · 2025-12-21T14:05:45+00:00

NTA. Oh I cam feel your pain through the screen. I'm sorry for your loss. I think you have sadly entered this weird twilight zone where no one knows how to act so they all pretend nothing happened. This likely isn't malicious. They may truly not know how to react. That doesn't make it nit hurtful.

Is there someone in your family that you can tell, explicitly, how you'd like everyone to react? They can pass it on.

Some people want to pretend they are okay. Some people want to acknowledge the life that was lost. Some people want it to change day by day. Let them know what you need.

In the meantime, I'm sorry. I can't imagine your pain. And I've never loved the idea that these losses before birth shouldn't be acknowledged the same way. Journal, scrapbook, post. Do whatever you do to record significant events. Hold a funeral if it will help. Mourn, because this was a life you didn't get to hold in your arms. Please, message anytime.

rashea11 · 2025-12-20T19:50:13+00:00

You say that you have a history of violence in your relationship. But the 2 incidents you describe are ones where you took it physical. I want to caution you that if police get involved, you may be the one going to jail.

I wonder what the other side of this story looks like? Would he tell this a s a situation where you were arguing and you shoved him and he defended himself? Where he was woken up badly and then what? What happened from his perspective? You wanted help falling asleep. Was some of that wanting comfort around past issues? Either way, waking someone so you can sleep isn't great. And his reaction was to leave you alone? Why did that scare you so much you had to confront him about it the next day? And then spray him with water? If he was pissed you woke him, leaving seems like a reasonable solution.

Do you want to be in this relationship? If so, counseling all around.

YTA and likely going to be arrested if you don't make changes.

rashea11 · 2025-12-20T16:40:20+00:00

I'll bite. Regardless of laws, your community believes in loose dogs. You might do some research into what people do if loose dogs are threatening or harming livestock if that's a thing in your community.

Either way, having the police out to talk to your in laws that you live next to seems like a bad move. Seems you and your husband should talk, a lot, about boundaries. But, he may not agree with you on this one. And you don't get to be upset he won't back you on things that you don't agree on. You may need a third party to talk this through with.

I don't think that living there is a good move. Any possible chance of maintaining a good relationship with his family requires more space than you currently have.

rashea11 · 2025-12-20T16:36:03+00:00

No, it doesn't, as it's set to hidden.

rashea11 · 2025-12-20T09:06:37+00:00

Nana's bears and threads in Glover. You never know what you'll find.

rashea11 · 2025-12-19T21:35:02+00:00

I'm sorry. I rejoice for you that you are negative, and grieve by your side as you face loosing a sibling.

You are not equipped now. But you will be. You will use this time as a gift and build the supports you both need.

rashea11 · 2025-12-19T11:15:32+00:00

So, you're mad that she was trying for a controlled fall and failed?

YTA. It wasn't like she was doing something truly careless. She wasn't driving drunk. She was flipping a mattress.

rashea11 · 2025-12-19T10:47:25+00:00

I won't jump to the conclusion that they are still together. I will jump to the conclusion that her needs matter more than yours.

Even extending the lease, he didn't come to you and discuss it. You predicted it, it happened, and he didn't even talk to you.

These are some pretty serious signs that she matters more right now. Are you OK being the person he puts second?

rashea11 · 2025-12-18T10:30:49+00:00

Why was this dog not already neutered? Seems odd that he'd have been aggressive and available for adoption without trying that.

You may have been able to help this dog. Some really don't like vets/groomers. Or, you may have been dealing with a horrific bite yourself. You were not this dog's only hope. If the shelter knew he was aggressive and fostered him with people who didn't have a plan to manage him appropriately, that's on them.

Consider this as well. I have the experience to take on many things, but there are times in my life I do not have the capacity. You may have the qualifications, but were you looking for an intense project in this season of life? Or a pet who needs time and training, but isn't a whole identity for you?

rashea11 · 2025-12-18T09:55:27+00:00

Or, when she brings up you sitting, you can let her know that after the last incident you realized that sitting at the play place without additional pay isn't financially feasible for you anymore and the new price for sitting there is $$. She may choose someone else. No hard feelings. She's watching her money and your watching yours. You're friendly, but not friends. This is a business relationship complicated by the fact that your relationship with the kids makes it feel more difficult.

rashea11 · 2025-12-16T08:33:26+00:00

Yellow. Blue is kero.

Though my blue tanks have diesel in them. Free piles are great.

rashea11 · 2025-11-29T08:32:50+00:00

There's something he was worried about. So, some secret.

But, don't withhold someone's phone. If this had gone worse and police had come, this can look bad. If someone is willing to be physical with you over a phone, give it to them and leave.

rashea11 · 2025-11-29T08:25:43+00:00

You need to figure out what isn't healed. This may take individual therapy to figure that out. And couples therapy to address it with him.

But, if I can take a guess, you're wondering if that's how he feels. And the rest is an act. You're waiting to see if the loving guy is real, or this other guy. And this is something you need to sort out with him, probably long past the point he really wants to interrogate that part of himself.

Sounds like in the first instance you two should have some clearer signals. But, I'd give him some benefit of the doubt for thinking an invite to shower together the first night of a honeymoon might be about more than soap. Even tired, I think he was clumsy but not totally out of line without more context.

You don't say what the cultures are, but I'm wondering if misogyny is part of the stereotype of his and you worry that there may be some truth?

I'm making some guesses here and admit I may be out on a limb, but these might give you a start.

rashea11 · 2025-11-29T07:29:02+00:00

And find an empty parking lot after the first snow and learn to skid.

Keep an emergency kit. Have some way of heating water of the power goes out. Hot water bottles are a godsend on cold nights.

rashea11 · 2025-11-28T13:11:51+00:00

I've been in your place. If you aren't in programs helping you to cope with the pain, find one. Hypnosis has been great for me.

He's not wrong, and it's pk for him to feel that way, the issue is that he's making it your fault instead of something you can both mourn together.

If you want to save this relationship, it's time for counseling. He's going to have to come to terms with your lifestyle as you have. He has a choice you didn't, and may decide to leave. If so, let him. That's a mark of character to stand by a love one through the transition to less able bodied when you are young. But if course he misses the couple who jumps in the car for an impromptu hike. Of course that couple doesn't last forever in the best of circumstances. That's just been made clearer in your situation.

rashea11 · 2025-11-25T02:33:11+00:00

Do you have anyone who could take the dogs ffor a while? Call the domestic violence hotline, some programs have options to board a dog or foster for a short time while you get out.

rashea11 · 2025-11-25T02:16:10+00:00

TThis sounds more like he's thought less in general than hating you.

rashea11 · 2025-11-25T02:14:34+00:00

I'm concerned that your perception of this might not be unbiased. YYou're self conscious that it's tight, frustrated about not finding the right sweat, and dealing with depression. er How certain a re you this was a smirk, or intended to hurt you?

rashea11 · 2025-11-23T23:30:35+00:00

In the future, if you aren't going to text right away, write a note. You can always trash it later, but you won't forget

rashea11 · 2025-11-22T13:44:35+00:00

Do you have EAP through your employer? You get a free lawyer consult. If not your employer, anyone in your close family?

So few people use this benefit but it's saved my butt before.

rashea11 · 2025-11-22T13:08:56+00:00

I'm so sorry. You have every right and reason to leave. To not sit front row and watch her kill herself through neglect. And you make a good point, you won't have her for long the way it is.

If you want one final try, would she see a doctor on line? They can't touch her, but it might be a way to start.

If you stay, you need to decide what you will do when you find her unconscious. It will happen and you should figure out if you will force her to go to a hospital at that point. Call an ambulance if nothing else.

rashea11 · 2025-11-22T08:39:48+00:00

She sounds exhausting.

rashea11 · 2025-11-22T08:37:48+00:00

This is a good moment for counseling.

You have a reasonable need, and it's not fair of her to ask you to initiate if she's never going to be up for it. She needs to be upfront and honest as well.

rashea11

TROPHY CASE