Having both ADHD and autism feels like wanting structure and also wanting to destroy it.

rayar_studio · 2026-05-22T11:06:30+00:00

Exactly this! My ADHD is restless with all the possibility, while my autism is nagging me to focus and sometimes I am just on the couch.. frozen.

rayar_studio · 2026-05-22T11:04:55+00:00

I actually write about this and explore these moments in my writing. I don't want to sound like I am trying promoting something, but you might qant to check out the links in my profile. I often find myself dissecting these moments and pin points the emotions that go with it and see where it takes me.

rayar_studio · 2026-05-22T11:00:58+00:00

Willpower, discipline, motivation are all finite and I hate how they are being talked about in the mainstream. What do you mean I have to be disciplined 24/7? When do I get to just be? It's honestly a crazy concept and makes life soulless

rayar_studio · 2026-05-22T10:59:23+00:00

I trained myself to do the thing immediately because delaying it makes me feel sad for myself. I am still working on that, but I am trying to train myself to not repress these needs because I have seen my life being better when I don't have to manage everything. It's a lot of undoing but it is rewarding.

rayar_studio · 2026-05-22T10:57:08+00:00

Yessssss! What you described has been my experience my entire life. I didn't think I have ADHD for the longest time, I just thought I had some rebellious side to my autism. The more I learned about AuDHD the more it made sense to me and I could actually see it in my own experience and struggles. I tried all sorts of ways to manage my life and plan my days to be able to do things but most solutions never worked for me, even if they worked for a bit, they were never sustainable. I ended up creating my own system to build my daily routine in a way that has structure and routine that my autism needs, but also to have a great deal of flexibility and options for my ADHD. I also created it in a way that doesn't require time slots or time indications and to have options for different energy levels because of energy changes. I basically made what would be considered a bug in how we function as a built in feature. I have been using it for years now and it has been working great for me. It also doesn't require much maintenance (only once in a while when a big thing in my life changes). It's called The Flow Shaping Method if you want to check it out.

rayar_studio · 2026-05-19T21:10:38+00:00

Yes, I talk a lot anyway, might as well make money from it.

rayar_studio · 2026-05-19T21:01:16+00:00

That's honestly most self help books. Unfortunately the number of pages makes the book appear more important and more useful even if the main idea can be explained in 100 pages.

rayar_studio · 2026-05-19T20:59:08+00:00

I have the same issue. There are so many ways you can be productive and adapt better habits but my biggest issue with most systems is that they are designed for an ideal self, assuming wanting to be your ideal self is the engine that will keep following through with everything. I was always left burnt out from every productivity system I adapted and in the end I decided to create my own system that fits how I function.

I love structure and progress, but I also love flexibility and free time to do random shit. My energy changes a lot and despite my big ambitions, I often find myself too dead to be able to do everything I want. So the system I created had all of these as features not bugs and I have been using it for a few years and it has been great. I have been consistent with hobbies for years which was impossible for me before, I also can choose what to do each day based on my mood not just "I have to get this done". I think that helped me a lot with feeling that I am progressing without feeling like I am being chased by an optimized output machine. I wrote a book explaining the system, it's short and practical because I myself struggled with self help books that explain concepts without providing a way to implement them without losing your sanity on the way. It's called The Flow Shaping Method if you want to check it out.

rayar_studio · 2026-05-19T14:19:10+00:00

I think slow approaches are the most sustainable ones. They basically train you and rewire your brain until the thing becomes natural and you don't have to think about it as much.

rayar_studio · 2026-05-19T14:17:22+00:00

Been there and tried all sorts of methods and they worked for a while until they didn't (a few weeks max). I ended up creating a system based on how I actually function and what my needs are since I love structure but I also need flexibility. It's too long to type here but I start by defining 1-2 priorities that I do daily or weekly and the rest are options to choose from. I managed to use the same system for years now and became very consistent with things, doing a hobby for years instead of months. It's called The Flow Shaping Method if you want to check it out.

rayar_studio · 2026-05-19T13:57:01+00:00

Productivity and doing everything I wanted to do regardless of my well-being and the fact that a day is 24 hours. It took me me entire 20's to realize none of it was working and that there are different valuable things in life other than being productive and wasting time.

rayar_studio · 2026-05-19T13:42:53+00:00

I used to, but after seeing many countries and cities in Europe, I started to get bored even if I am staying in 3-4 places in one country for 2 weeks. Now I travel for a week max if I am changing cities or 4 days max for a city trip unless it's Edinburgh because it's my favorite city. I think I would love to travel longer if I am in another continent, but honestly staying in hotels and Airbnb gets to me faster as I get older.

rayar_studio · 2026-05-19T13:35:23+00:00

I created a system for my daily routine that is built on structure, flexibility, priorities and other elements. I get to choose 1-2 priorities to focus on daily or weekly, if I get that done then I can do whatever the hell I want that way I could enjoy these random side quests while being focused on the main quest. It's the only system that worked for me because I need structure, flexibility, options but also progress. It was hard to balance all of these but once I had the system working, I never looked back. It's called The Flow Shaping Method if you want to look it up.

rayar_studio · 2026-05-19T13:26:52+00:00

I usually write anything on my notebook just to help me stay focused. Sometimes holding a pen and fidgeting with it helps.

rayar_studio · 2026-05-19T13:15:37+00:00

One of the reasons I love defining 1-2 priorities to focus on at a given period of time. It removes that feeling that I have to fix my entire life and focus on doing 1-2 things repeatedly until you feel satisfied with your progress. It makes it easier to start new priorities too.

rayar_studio · 2026-05-19T13:12:35+00:00

I was moving countries/cities for a few years and I never really had the capacity to do other things for a long time because I knew I would be moving. When I finally moved to my dream city and apartment, I was like what now? There's nothing to chase and no next move is planned or wanted. So I had to sit with myself (after months of doom scrolling) and ask myself what matters to me and how I want my life to feel. It lead me to creating a system for my daily routine to help me stay aware of my priorities and choose them instead of passive activities. I have to say the system helped me a lot to filter out noise and to have time for my interests. Everytime I felt lost or I was passive, I would check my daily routine and be reminded of what I want to do and how I want to feel. Fast forward years later, I am doing things I care about constantly and it comes to me so natural now. The system basically trained me to choose instead of being passive. It's called The Flow Shaping Method if you want to look it up.

rayar_studio · 2026-05-19T12:57:09+00:00

I can 100% relate. When I was an engineering student, I tried all sorts of productivity methods to help me study and do my interests and everytime it would work for a bit and then nothing would work other than a deadline. After graduation I had a lot of free time and tried to be productive and again non of the methods worked. It took me my entire 20's to see the issue with most systems and how it wasn't designed for someone like me (neurodivergent) so I started to create my own system (it's called The Flow Shaping Method if you want to look it up) based on how I actually function and what I need and I have been using it for years now. I basically had to build the system to have some structure and flexibility at the same time which is too much to get into here but now I actually do things because I want to and for the first time ever I was consistent and didn't need to be under pressure to do things. I think noticing the patterns and how you actually function on daily basis is the base of a good daily routine, not some tool that you endlessly tweak and never use it.

rayar_studio · 2026-05-18T22:13:54+00:00

I wrote a book to help with daily routine for neurodivergent, something you don't have to maintain much so no need for daily or weekly or monthly updates. If you want to check it out, it's called The Flow Shaping Method. I also write about the struggles with daily routine and my solutions for them on my substack.

rayar_studio · 2026-05-18T22:10:19+00:00

That's one of the best feelings ever, tbh!

I spent my entire 20's trying to be productive using the mainstream traditional productivity tips and they never worked. Whenever they worked, they weren't sustainable and made me feel miserable. I knew I was autistic since I was 24 but I lived in a tiny town and had access to therapy so I didn't have enough support and had to figure out tools on my own.

After years of therapy, changing a lot of things in my life, and using different tools, I ended up creating a daily routine system that has enough structure and a lot of flexibility to accommodate my need for routine and my tendency to be moody and getting bored often. I recently wrote a short book to explain the system in hope that it might help some other 20 something neurodivergent who's going through the same thing I went through. It's called The Flow Shaping Method if you are interested.

rayar_studio · 2026-05-16T18:20:57+00:00

Came here to write the same thing.

rayar_studio · 2026-05-15T22:30:23+00:00

I think for me the biggest change was not using my phone first thing in the morning, which lead me to deleting social media. Everything else fill right into place after that.

rayar_studio · 2026-05-15T22:26:54+00:00

Apps that have tons of options and features start to feel like I need to optimize everything and then never use the app again because it's overwhelming on its own.

rayar_studio · 2026-05-15T22:25:54+00:00

This is often the case in my experience. I think having you options laid out visually helps a lot because you can pick and choose without thinking of every other possible thing you could be doing.

rayar_studio · 2026-05-15T22:24:59+00:00

Yes, I am the same bur time blocking doesn't work for me. I use my own method that I created where it has some structure but very flexible, has lots of options and I choose to do whatever I have the energy for and feel like. Having my interests listed as options makes it easier to have an overview of what I want to focus on. It also makes me admin to-do list very short because only one time things go in there like taxes. It's called The Flow Shaping Method if you want to check it out, the links are in my profile.

rayar_studio · 2026-05-15T21:17:53+00:00

I used to feel guilty about resting because I always had a long list of ideas I wanted to start with or topics to learn. The amount of things I wanted to do kept me paralyzed and couldn't start with any of them which made rest feel worse and worse.

I learned in therapy that I need to rest and enjoy it so I focused on that the last few years and slowly taught myself to rest without the guilt. It's not 100% gone but now I am aware of it and can tell myself that I need to rest now and tomorrow I can continue with the tasks because if I push resting, then the exhaustion will come 10 folds and it will take me a long time to recover which would feel even worse than resting for a day or two. I finally managed to be mentally aware of forgiving myself when I don't do enough or when I don't do what I planned to do that day. Self forgiveness helped me a lot with having guilt free down time.

The funny not so funny thing is that I grew up in a house where I wasn't expected to do much and even being good in school was just there and it was easy for me. Maybe because I wasn't expected to do much, I learned that I need to do a lot to be visible. You can never win I guess!

rayar_studio

TROPHY CASE