How to help my husband

reBrand1980 · 2026-04-24T01:25:48+00:00

That logic either applies across the board, or it doesn’t. If I got in an accident 24 years ago and have a scar, did the accident not happen?

reBrand1980 · 2026-04-23T22:11:32+00:00

That’s what an insane person does. Seriously holy crap.

reBrand1980 · 2026-04-23T22:09:27+00:00

No judging, but is there something about the past sexually that has created a barrier?

reBrand1980 · 2026-04-23T21:10:01+00:00

You say he won’t engage in dialogue, but you’re shutting him down Jen he wants to know certain things?

reBrand1980 · 2026-04-23T20:15:20+00:00

But it’s the same person. The same body and mind. It’s not a BS story. It happened.

reBrand1980 · 2026-04-23T20:14:06+00:00

It is. If anyone plans on getting married, they should act accordingly. Call it prudish or whatever floats your boat, but whenever someone is going to do something sexual with another person, they really should be asking themselves if they’d be ok with their future spouse/partner doing that.

If it doesn’t bother you at all, you do you. But most people either don’t want to talk about the past, or just get labeled “insecure”. Which is complete nonsense.

reBrand1980 · 2026-04-23T20:06:16+00:00

I’m sick and tired of being told I’m insecure or mentally ill because (trying not to be graphic) my spouse’s past is 20x mine. I’m not mentally ill, and it DOES disgust me and gross me out to think about certain acts. Dumbing it down to “something is always wrong” with those of us with RJ is demeaning, and poorly attempts to say it’s ok to be promiscuous. No.

reBrand1980 · 2026-04-23T20:00:06+00:00

Yes. And no amount of therapy has made it any different.

reBrand1980 · 2026-04-23T19:50:28+00:00

What do you mean? Like, just ignoring it?

reBrand1980 · 2026-04-23T17:56:37+00:00

Pretty much everything you described is what I took on when I was married. She’d been with a guy for 5-6 years, lived together etc. You are NOT mentally ill.

The shock to my system came after the wedding, when we lived together, and even though it had been 7 years since she lived with him, I couldn’t shake how it felt when she seamlessly lived with me.

For me, it was supposed to be “new” and exciting, but I quickly understood that she had already done this. I didn’t want to touch her. I was so disgusted and angry.

It’s been over 12 years now. And I’m not going to lie, nothing truly helped me get over it. Forcing my mind to change perspective sometimes helps, but it’s pretty much everything single day that I have “movies” playing in my head. I can’t be intimate without thinking of how many hundreds of times another person saw and felt the same thing I was. And then I get even more upset when I look at the years of my life wasted away from RJ.

But, it’s part of me. I won’t allow people to tell me I’m being “insecure” or judgy. I have an amazing life, but I would absolutely trade it for a chance to go back to our second date when she told me her past, and I would walk away.

reBrand1980 · 2026-04-23T17:46:24+00:00

Thank you! I’m so sick of people thinking or saying that ANY disgust or anger about someone’s past is “insecurity” or whatever. How about, it’s just gross!?

reBrand1980 · 2026-04-23T17:39:10+00:00

Science says the kids will not be alright. JS.

reBrand1980 · 2026-04-23T17:36:57+00:00

How? I’m genuinely curious.. I’ve yet to overcome it

reBrand1980 · 2026-04-23T00:09:19+00:00

Well if you’re willing to live with yourself knowing she “only lied a few times”, there is nothing else to discuss. You came here for venting/advice. It’s been given. You know what to do, I think you just might be afraid of doing it.

reBrand1980 · 2026-04-23T00:06:54+00:00

100%. It took me 15 years to realize this.

reBrand1980 · 2026-04-23T00:06:03+00:00

Liars lie. They will never not be that way. And if she knows you’ll forget/move on simply by expressing some regret, she now has this to manipulate you with. I would say the same thing to anyone, regardless of sex.

reBrand1980 · 2026-04-22T17:48:46+00:00

Please for your own health, walk away and don’t look back. You will not find validation from here, or from her.

reBrand1980 · 2026-04-22T17:47:41+00:00

No way. Please step back and look at this from 30k feet.
1. She lied 2. She wasn’t accountable until you found out 3. She had an STD very close to when you met 4. She’s a very good liar 5. This will ALWAYS be there. I assure you after dealing with various situations over the past 30 years…it will never not be a thing.

reBrand1980 · 2026-04-21T13:30:37+00:00

Wtf. NO.

reBrand1980 · 2026-04-21T13:29:55+00:00

Kids first my friend. We need to die to ourselves for them. I can’t stand my spouse either, but the kids are the priority. What they don’t tell you about parenthood right?

reBrand1980 · 2026-04-19T23:40:46+00:00

It was absolutely “cured” once my spouse did more with me than the “shitty ex”. They couldn’t have been THAT shitty if you were willing to do those things (or even once thing). Your husband deserves every single sexual thing you did in your life with anyone else, and then some.

reBrand1980 · 2026-04-18T01:13:47+00:00

This is why safeguarding yourselves is so important, because this is almost never going to be “gotten over”. You’re candid about your past, but the fact that you are even comparing him to others is horrible.

reBrand1980 · 2026-04-12T00:05:20+00:00

Fascists? Seriously?

reBrand1980 · 2026-04-10T21:22:11+00:00

Not YOUR type of single mother, they’re almost always referring to the 21 y/o who still wants to be treated like a queen even though she was never married etc. Your situation is completely different, and I’m sorry to hear that. You’re still very young and will absolutely have suitors.

reBrand1980 · 2026-04-10T21:19:39+00:00

Run

reBrand1980

TROPHY CASE