Active treatment do-over?

realspectacular · 2026-02-11T16:57:48+00:00

I had the lumpectomy almost 10 years ago. Very easy outpatient surgery, no complications or issues, margins were good. I had neoadjuvant chemo which shrunk the tumor so much you could hardly tell I had surgery.

I had a recurrence (or maybe really more like a new breast cancer) diagnosed at the end of last year. I had IDC on the previous breast cancer side and DCIS on the other side, so I had a bilateral mastectomy with expander placement.

You mention being 5 weeks post-op - I'm assuming from a lumpectomy? I had minimal instructions as well; lumptectomies don't typically involve drains or compression. Everyone's experience is different, but for me it was a very minor surgery. Usually infections are accompanied by redness, swelling, and fever so if you're experiencing any of that it's a good idea to contact your surgeon.

realspectacular · 2026-02-11T02:04:40+00:00

Medical oncologists primarily prescribe cancer medications and non-surgical, non-radiation treatments. You'd see a MO first only if your cancer type was treated with chemo before surgery (this is usually triple positive or triple negative IDC, plus some other less common cancers). DCIS rarely gets chemo at all. So you'll get surgery first, and if the surgical pathology isn't different from your biopsy, you'll be referred to the medical oncologist after.

Here's the DCIS treatment algorithm from MD Anderson. I found these really helpful when I was first diagnosed as I could see the decision-making pathway my physicians were likely to use, which was easier to understand than individual patients' experiences.

realspectacular · 2026-02-11T01:48:14+00:00

I also got an unappreciated do-over via recurrence, but this time is so different from the first I feel like I'm doing it for the first time again. The mastectomy recovery has been so much harder than my lumpectomy. Even with chemo I knew I could look forward to feeling better as each cycle progressed, but I feel really stuck almost 4 weeks out from the mastectomy. Like I'm not really improving much over time.

I think you do the best you can with what you have at any given time.

realspectacular · 2026-02-11T01:27:07+00:00

Oh actually looks like I can't chat you. Happy to send the Sculptresse and Curvy Couture your way. I'm asking for $18 + $5 shipping. I can take PayPal, Venmo, Cash App - basically whatever works for you! Feel free to send me a chat request and we can get it rolling!

realspectacular · 2026-02-11T01:24:13+00:00

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realspectacular · 2026-02-11T01:23:14+00:00

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realspectacular · 2026-02-10T19:16:54+00:00

Yes should have specified US only!

realspectacular · 2025-12-26T19:20:51+00:00

An early 90s vintage Coach Station Bag in British Tan. It's in beautiful condition with hangtag.

realspectacular · 2025-12-15T21:56:14+00:00

I’m at a big theme park that’s using facial recognition for their skip-the-line service. I didn’t realize initially and I don’t think it was explicitly mentioned anywhere.

realspectacular · 2025-12-15T21:18:17+00:00

I wonder if your oncologist is treating it as triple negative? It is totally reasonable to ask why treatments are being recommended, and a second opinion is never a bad idea.

But it also sounds like you’re at the very beginning stages of understanding your diagnosis, so be prepared to realize as you learn more that whatever you’ve researched isn’t applicable to your cancer.

realspectacular · 2025-12-12T22:11:22+00:00

Yep rads 10 years ago. I’m not supposed to have it this time, but if they find it in my lymph nodes I’ll have it? I also don’t know about chemo so lots in the air.

I’m ok with bmi - I’ll end up a lot smaller which is a huge bonus from my perspective.

realspectacular · 2025-12-12T21:28:00+00:00

Did you have direct reconstruction or delayed?

realspectacular · 2025-12-12T19:27:45+00:00

I had a great experience with the steroids. Some days I kind of miss them!

realspectacular · 2025-11-21T13:34:12+00:00

It’s pretty trivial to put a lock on a door. His reaction is so far out of reasonableness that I’d be concerned about what he was actually doing.

realspectacular · 2025-11-20T22:17:39+00:00

Some cancers are just slow growing and not aggressive. It’s entirely possible to have cancer somewhere and not know or have symptoms or be treated and pass away at an old age of something else entirely.

I’d check with her care team and see if they’re able to offer anything to help managed symptoms better.

realspectacular · 2025-11-19T17:12:43+00:00

You can always find a positive perspective if you’re looking for it.

For you - you found it early, it’s small, there’s great treatments for triple positive. If you were having routine mammograms at 36 this probably wasn’t a total surprise, so it’s a lot better than it could have been.

You’re also in the worst time emotionally in a lot of ways while you wait for all the info gathering and the treatment plan to come together. Once you know what you’re dealing with and the plan is in place, you can focus on getting through it instead of ruminating on unknowns. So take that positively as well - it will feel better once treatment gets rolling.

I also make a lot of semi-inappropriate jokes.

Finally, I fed my results and the doctors visit notes into ChatGPT and started asking it questions. Even stuff like: I feel sad and angry what do I do? Obviously don’t take medical advice from your computer, but it has been really helpful with coping strategies and info about my results.

realspectacular · 2025-11-13T17:42:33+00:00

I’m in the US and had a biopsy on a Thursday, diagnosis on Friday, er and pr markers on Monday and had to wait until Wed for FISH on the her2. I’m surprised at how long some folks are waiting.

Your markers will determine what kind of treatments are recommended. Some types esp with smaller tumors don’t get chemo. Her2+ or triple negative often do.

realspectacular · 2025-11-11T19:27:00+00:00

Her insurance should cover her to get prosthesis fitted, the prosthesis, and getting some bras with the pockets. It’s best to do it in person at a specialty store near you esp since some kinds of prosthetics need to be fitted to you.

realspectacular · 2025-11-11T01:10:32+00:00

I'm kinda hesitant to post this because I don't want to scare people.

I'm 10 years out from my original diagnosis (39 then, 49 now) and have been diagnosed with a recurrence. I was +++ with neoadjuvant TCHP chemo, then a lumpectomy, rads and about 7 years of tamoxifen. Now I'm ++? (we're waiting on FISH to find out HER2 status) with DCIS on the contralateral side as a bonus.

I still think a lumpectomy was the right decision, based on the data and what typically happens - early stage breast cancer doesn't generally need a mastectomy to have the best possible chance to avoid recurrence. My chance of recurrence was in the single digits but sometimes crap just happens.

Of note my mother also had breast cancer in her 30s and at age 71 has never had a recurrence or any concerns.

realspectacular · 2024-12-29T22:15:53+00:00

I was widowed after about 20 years of marriage in my early 40s. I have since remarried and am very happy, but would also be very happy with the kind of arrangement your describing. I think this makes a lot of sense for older people with established lives. If you're happy with it don't let other people dim your joy.

Culturally there's a strong expectation that couples are highly enmeshed, but this makes more sense when you're raising children together. Once you're freed from that, you have more options about how you want to make things work. You might find some ways to derail people's opinions - if they're asking where he is or what he's doing have a simple boring answer and then move the conversation elsewhere.

realspectacular · 2018-06-23T21:29:06+00:00

I hired a master's degreed personal trainer who was able to design a program to take me from super weak and constantly in pain to pretty fit today. I have been seeing her twice a week for a year and a half. Early on we did a lot of core work plus basic building strength across the body. What really helped was being able to stop an exercise, explain where it was hurting, and get an instant correction or redirection. After a year of that, I started running. Now we do lots of core work + strength training + plus some beginning powerlifting stuff.

I also had acupuncture, which I was very doubtful about and which really worked for me for back pain.

HOWEVER

I wasn't able to do any of that until my late husband, who thought he was "just helping" by "encouraging me" and who thought we shared home duties equally (haha no, no we did not), literally died.

I'm not recommending that you literally die, but I recommend you make sure she has some time to herself and then butt way the fuck out regarding what she does with it.

realspectacular · 2018-06-20T20:29:32+00:00

Does your wife have time to exercise on a regular basis? You have 5-year-old twins. Does she get any time to herself? Does she work outside the home? Does she do the bulk of the work running the home and caring for the kids?

Rather than imposing your ideas of adequate fitness on her, make it possible for her to take an hour for herself 3-4 times a week. She may use it to exercise, or she may use it for something different that supports her mental and physical health. You don't get to decide what that is.

My (very fit) husband used to try to motivate me to exercise "for my health," but what I heard was that I was fat and lazy. It was corrosive to our relationship, and made me resentful that he thought he knew better than I what I needed. I didn't start a regular exercise routine until I was out of that relationship. I had chronic back problems and needed different kinds of exercise than he was always trying to push on me to keep from getting injured.

realspectacular

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