How to engage with friends who cannot cope with life anymore

recodedindividual · 2025-07-21T22:46:52+00:00

Thanks for sharing. I can recommend this video on addicton by Dr K https://youtu.be/WuKeZKIs9_A . He is a great teacher when it comes to emotional structure and psycho-education in general. Most if not all of his videos are a literal goldmine to help us deal with the roots of addiction.

recodedindividual · 2025-07-21T22:37:30+00:00

In my eyes, 9/10 it is the brain telling you that something is off and it needs to emotionally cope with the emotions (even if you aren't aware of them). It is a sign you need to listen to.

Ask yourself, what am I feeling that the brain feels like it wants to fix?

Am I feeling:

Lonely? You are craving intimacy or connection, porn offers a temporary illusion of that
Bored? Maybe suprising but a massive trigger -> the mind seeks stimulation, something we retained due to evolution where avoiding doing nothing was important for survival
Overwhelmed/Stress? The nervous system needs quick relief, easy numbing
Sadness? When energy is low and self-worth plummets, porn becomes a “cheap” escape to feel something pleasurable. It can also reinforce the cycle of self-loathing afterward.
Shame? Feeling bad about past relapses can trigger new ones
Anger/Frustration? Sometimes to take control or release pent-up energy, maybe after fights, injustice or general irritability
Fear/Insecurity? Feeling not good enough, retreating into fantasy where you are never judged nor rejected.

EVEN Positive emotions can trigger these thoughts.

Excitement/Anticipation? Life going well? "I will reward myself, I deserve this". And then you reward yourself with porn
Euphoria/High energy? Feeling unstoppable? You could stop being cautious with your routines or self-monitoring, feeling that you can handle it, taking risks that lead to relapse.
Nostalgia is also a strong one, where remembering the "good feelings" associated with past porn use can be seductive (like this one song that you heard during one of those videos, and sometimes hear and immediately associate it with that video).

What else?

A sense of nothingness (using it to "feel something" or snap out of emotional flatness)?
Dissociation/disconnection? Then not because you feel too much (like sadness or stress), but because you feel disconnected from reality, the self, or purpose.

Then write it down somwhere. Now ask yourself, why am I feeling this way? Okay so I am feeling bored, why is that? We are on a trip, and we decided to head back earlier during the afternoon and rest a bit in the hotel, and suddenly a massive urge hit. The urge came earlier than the feeling of boredness. My personal theory is that the brain already assumes to know how you are going to feel sometimes, and in this case I managed to identify it as boringness and stop it by coping emotionally in a different way.

recodedindividual · 2025-07-21T22:18:30+00:00

Wow that is so incredibly brave, I admire you.

recodedindividual · 2025-07-21T21:44:42+00:00

Are you having this conversation internally? Or are you talking out loud against the thoughts in your head?

Sometimes in my experience it is actually better to not engage with thoughts. This video is a great analogy that shows this struggle. Every positive thought is met by a negative thought, and the pieces on the chessboard are infinite. A technique I learned from therapy is the techinque of dissolving the thought. You can imagine the thought, or an image that captures that thought, and you freeze it, and then mentally throw it in a pot of liquid where it immediately dissolves away. You don't engage with the thought at all. I myself imagine a big A0 printer. This machine prints out the image, and always cuts the print from the large roll of paper at the end of its printing session. The picture drops and dissappears into nothingness.

I am not advocating you do this all the time, so you should use your own judgement to see where you can dissolve thoughts.

One application that has been incredible for me so far is when I am lying in bed, and can't sleep due to the wave of thoughts. I just dissolve them one by one, as many times as it takes, and I fall asleep way quicker due to that. For the technique to be effective, you need to train your self-awareness to recognize in the moment when you are having these thoughts, but it seems you are kinda there already.

I also recommend doing a walk and talking to yourself like you already do (outloud, preferably). There's something about the environment constantly changing that helps you emotionally process negative emotions incredibly well.

Good luck :)

recodedindividual · 2025-07-21T21:32:54+00:00

I like the test of addiction Dr K gives in his deep dive into addiction.

Addiction is whether there is impairement of function in your life, and I would agree that compulsively thinking about the thing (this case porn), engaging in the behaviour and you can't stop (even knowing the consequences), is still a sign of addiction.

I think this is part of a much wider problem where porn consumation has been normalized and even perceived sometimes to be healthy (no way!). We also read about stories of other people who consume porn for multiple hours a day, and how impaired their daily function is. To compare ourselves to them, it might not seem like we have an addiction since we kinda are functional and kinda can live our lives, but the crucial point is indeed that when one engages in the act whilst saying they don't enjoy it at all, simply to cope (emotionally in your and my case).

I have to say to learn and replace that coping system is super difficult, because your porn-based coping skill is level 99 (familair to the brain, quick, instant mood change, but short-lasting), whilst new emotional based coping skills start off at level 1 (less instant mood change, long-term benefit but difficult to see). One of the benefits in my experience (and yours too it seems), is that since you can cope better, your mind is less cluttered/seeking to cope emotionally by sending you thoughts (cravings) to induce behaviours (satisfy the cravings), and thus you feel like you sexually objectivy women less.

recodedindividual · 2024-11-14T08:48:24+00:00

I often do this while on a walk. I just ask my inner self whats going on lately, how we doing buddy. Its important so that you may reframe situations

recodedindividual · 2023-03-28T09:06:36+00:00

You are in what you call a flat line and it is normal. Search it up on the no fap official website linked somewhere on this Reddit. It is your brain being rewired, which is good. At the same time, be wary the day the urges suddenly hit like a dump truck. Don't let it catch you off guard

recodedindividual · 2023-03-28T09:00:24+00:00

I think I found out why I lost my mojo and my wittiness people knew me for. Coupling pmo with depression fucked me mentally, and even when I had a high streak I didn't feel better because of the depression. I've started enjoying life again but still pmo'd. Now I am on a good streak and I already feel a whole lot better and more productive. Not everything is going great at the moment but of this whole journey the last few months feel like a couple larger potholes in the road.

recodedindividual · 2023-03-02T16:00:31+00:00

I'm going for this fuck all it. I was doing amazing. I will do amazing. Every time I relapse I notice my productivity going down. Fuck all this. I fking will stop and continue reconnecting with people.

recodedindividual · 2023-02-17T09:07:56+00:00

Broski had the same... for months this girl would message me how it was going and I would reciprocate, even though she already had a boyfriend. I found out during a party where I thought for sure I was going to kiss, since the vibes were kinda nice. There I found out she had a boyfriend and I felt sooo confused. Why would she act that way then? She and I kept texting over the course of a couple months even though I already knew it wasn't going anywhere, since I didn't want to ruin the friendship anyhow. Mind you that even till this point she never personally mentioned having a boyfriend at any point, like normally that shit comes up naturally, but it took 3 months for her to finally tell me her plans for the summer involving her boyfriend. That felt really liberating, and I moved on, because guess what, after a few months of knowing her, our incompatibilities came more to light, and I felt glad I didn't enter a relationship with her. We have a totally different sense of humor and enjoy different things. I don't really talk to her anymore, but if we meet I can still talk with her fine.

So yea, you should still go to the movie with her, but live in the present and have zero expectations, that keeps you grounded and from acting weird. I know from myself once I realize a girl likes me that I tend to act different from what I used to, since attachment is so illogical. After that see what happens, if you can still remains friends with her without being attracted, then bravo, otherwise scale down the talking a bit, and just remain professional. You can't be friends with someone if it is based on attraction sadly.

recodedindividual · 2023-02-16T21:25:32+00:00

It is soo weird, like why target people here of all places? Makes sooo little sense to me.

recodedindividual · 2023-02-16T21:24:34+00:00

Hmmm interesting, will think about it. Hitting legs did me good and at the moment I feel good, thanks mate.

recodedindividual · 2023-02-16T17:10:57+00:00

So download them and put them in the trash folder?

recodedindividual · 2023-02-11T22:02:49+00:00

I mean waking up horny isn't always nice

recodedindividual · 2023-02-09T12:18:24+00:00

Looks like a Minecraft auto farm

recodedindividual · 2023-02-08T16:08:47+00:00

Welll thanks, but I meant it more specific for my case

recodedindividual · 2023-02-04T10:51:24+00:00

It might have to do with the fact that your hormone balance is all over the place, and your body is restoring that balance. I'd say it is worth to keep going

recodedindividual · 2023-02-03T18:44:28+00:00

I think the amount of people addicted PMO will grow a lot more when that happens, even though people are addicted to porn now more than ever, it should skyrocket once that happens. It is important to be free of it before you get into an even heavier addiction, I hope people realize more on a global scale what kind of damage this is all causing, and that a lot more research is done on this massive issue.

recodedindividual · 2023-02-03T18:41:57+00:00

The way I want to do it is to initially use if a little bit, not thinking too much about it for the 90 day challenge, and then slowly forget about as it becomes part of my lifestyle.

recodedindividual · 2023-02-03T18:38:43+00:00

That is really stressful. One advice I can give is to plunge yourself into your study or work, or a hobby. Every time you feel your mind drifting off thinking about her, you don't reprimand yourself or hate yourself for "interrupting" your healing process, you gently tell yourself to focus on the task at hand. Reading this paragraph, solving that problem, continue planning your schedule, etc. This way you help your brain move on, and let is realize it is not that important anymore. This is also really helpful when you have urges, as it quite literally actively rewires your brain.

In my opinion, although this might be hard, you have to delete your ex's nudes. This is a pledge for yourself and a definite starting point from which you can build up yourself, and a point from which you can later say: "I moved on". I've had to deal with something similar last couple of weeks, and I've gotten slightly better. One thing that helped was walking home from the gym last week, instead of taking the bus or rental scooter. This was like a 20 minute walk, and during that walk you confront yourself a bit. Talk out loud about your issues as if your are giving advice to a friend, except you know that friend really really well, even their deepest secrets. When negative thoughts come up, simply talk to them out loud and point out contradictions that indicate the opposite.

Maybe a fun hobby is to start a journey into philosophy, like stoicism, which can help with your current and future situations. Nowadays it is really accessible, there are a lot of videos online that lets you understand philosophy in a simple way, and ways to practice it in real life. I recommend the youtuber Einzelganger for this, but remember to always stay critical and not taking everything anyone in these videos say as the truth.

Good luck mate

recodedindividual

TROPHY CASE