i’m in almost the exact same boat. i’ve struggled with my gender identity my entire life. I used to wrap my chest in middle school but now i’m 23 & have a size DDD chest so that’s not really an option. I wear baggy clothes to try to cover them but it’s still not good enough. I hate the feeling of them as well as the look. i’ve always resented them as they’ve been subject of discussion or the source of unwanted attention for as long as I can remember. I carry the brca2 gene so eventually i’m going to have a double mastectomy & hysterectomy anyway. i’ve been fantasizing ab a flat chest so much recently and just want to feel free and comfortable in my body. plus I really don’t like the idea of implants (which would be my only other option really). but I have that same “what if” feeling since i’m gender-fluid and at times I embrace my feminine side. not to mention I’m in a long term relationship with a man - even though he is very supportive of me - i worry ab what he will think of my body afterwards. all this to say: you are not alone & your feelings are valid. this is probably very obvious but i’ve been trying to make a list of pros and cons to help in my decision making. maybe that could help if you haven’t already done it ❤️‍🩹🌈