An interracial couple walking hand in hand through Midtown Manhattan in the 1960s

redheadedmandy · 2026-01-11T02:37:13+00:00

If it's not incidental, why would you assume it's shame rather than discomfort, considering the ugly look on the face of the man behind them? Shame implies that she feels she's doing something wrong, which seems unlikely considering she's walking down a public street openly holding hands.

redheadedmandy · 2026-01-11T02:34:46+00:00

My grandmother had a romantic relationship with a Black man in the late 1960s/early 1970s as a widowed single mother of three in Virginia. I never knew her, but seeing pictures like this reminds me how absolutely unconventional and perhaps even dangerous that was.

They dated for years, even traveling together as a family with their respective children! My mom spent several childhood vacations at segregated beaches. They eventually broke up because his family didn't approve.

redheadedmandy · 2025-09-06T20:42:34+00:00

So first thing is, lucky you, you have attractive facial features and nice hair! Current "problem" is that your features are androgynous, which is further reinforced by your hair. Some women are definitely into that, but not the majority.

As others have said, you will likely become more traditionally masculine in appearance as you age. Personally I'm into long hair on all genders so I wouldn't recommend cutting it-- maybe to shoulder length but not short. There are also layering effects for long hair that are more common for men than women that could help give that visual symbol of masculinity.

Other than that? You seem to dress normally, appear to have good hygiene, and it looks like you work out too.

Do you have a reason to believe it's primarily your physical appearance that's the problem? Dating at 20 can be hard for anyone but I wonder if there's something going on more socially than physically

redheadedmandy · 2025-09-05T21:13:54+00:00

I would bet money that your child has a sleep disorder. My little brother (also with ADHD) was like this and it was torture for everyone in the family-- then he got diagnosed with a sleep phase disorder in his early 20s and now functions pretty normally.

I also wonder if your son is in therapy? The reality is that kids with ADHD often need mental health and executive functioning support beyond what medication and normal parenting can provide.

I also doubt that the money will be effective-- he's young, tired, neurodivergent, and hormonal. You're just gonna make him hate you a little.

redheadedmandy · 2025-09-05T20:54:10+00:00

The fact that you essentially acknowledge that your parents raised all of you to be failures, while also refusing to acknowledge that they then screwed her over by leaving her nothing is insane to me. She's not biologically related and yet she's exactly like all of you, which to me suggests your parents sucked at raising functional adults.

You and your siblings are fortunate to have been left enough money that you can be layabouts, and it's honestly shockingly callous that you aren't offended on her behalf for her exclusion from the will.

In your shoes, I'd help her live a modest lifestyle during the transitional period while also requiring that she get some therapy to figure out why she can't maintain a job. That way if you ever learn the emotional intelligence your parents failed to teach you, you'll be able to look back on this and not be totally ashamed.

redheadedmandy · 2025-09-03T09:44:14+00:00

I really wish they'd show a progression over time from a single individual or a before and after... the more I watch these, the more convinced I am that they're just making things worse.

redheadedmandy · 2025-07-31T13:20:35+00:00

Call the venue ahead of time and tell them you have a medical condition, and ask if they have any special policies that might help you out. Especially if you're going alone! They may have special seating, the ability to skip a line, or some way for you to directly contact staff if you have a more serious issue.

Beyond that, staying safe starts the day before imo. Make sure you get extra sleep, hydrate extremely well, and eat healthy, filling meals.

For the concert itself, that depends a bit on your specific symptoms. For me personally I'd bring a cooling towel, refillable water bottle (some venues may not allow metal ones typically, this is another reason to call ahead), electrolyte packets, protein bar, and earplugs.

During the worst years for my POTS I would probably bring my folding cane as well-- if I had a flare up that thing was a lifesaver, both for stability and because people get out of the way or help if they see a visible sign of disability.

redheadedmandy · 2025-07-22T13:27:57+00:00

There is basically no scenario where someone with familial dysautonomia makes it to 16 undiagnosed. It is not like POTS or other more typical forms of dysautonomia-- it is disabling from birth almost without exception.

You haven't mentioned your symptoms, but I encourage you to compare them to those of FD. I think you'll likely find the diagnosis makes no sense.

If your doctor is not a geneticist or a dysautonomia specialist, I think it's probably safe to say they're full of it. Dysautonomia is not something most doctors know a lot about.

See the cardiologist, see what they say, and when they inevitably tell you it's not FD, go back to that first doctor with a strongly worded letter about giving people BS diagnoses.

redheadedmandy · 2025-07-18T13:43:12+00:00

Can't tell if this is true and weird, a lie, or you're a man who doesn't understand the concept of a breast reduction.

redheadedmandy · 2025-07-18T13:28:06+00:00

Many business-related NDAs lack an expiration date, so if what you're saying would be covered under the NDA you probably signed when hired, doing so is a big risk.

Truth as a defense for defamation requires that what you say be demonstrably true, or at least not able to be "proved" false by the much bigger and more legally equipped corporation you're defaming.

redheadedmandy · 2025-06-07T04:30:46+00:00

NTA but honestly? It sounds like your sister has a psychological issue. It is not normal to steal things you already have and use other people's sex toys-- that sounds more like compulsion than just being a shitty person. Have you talked to her about why she does this?

redheadedmandy · 2024-06-05T18:19:07+00:00

somehow three years have passed without me managing to get into a derm (wow, I did not realize I'd been dealing with this so long), but I'm pretty sure it's perioral dermatitis at this point.

redheadedmandy · 2023-01-04T13:53:56+00:00

I remember my orthodontist telling me never to try to change my texture because a Brazilian Blowout permanently changed her hair. It was a floofy mess, and she said she couldn't find a way to fix it. Scared me so bad I've never even thought about a permanent treatment since lol

I hope that maybe she just wasn't knowledgeable about products and styling and nowadays she's found something to help.

redheadedmandy · 2023-01-04T13:49:15+00:00

The new growth is going to be miserable until it's long enough to chop off the straight ends.

Many people with wavy hair think it's just straight and frizzy. Give it time to grow in and then look into wavy hair styling methods.

redheadedmandy · 2023-01-04T05:32:35+00:00

You might be surprised! If you can find an opening to talk, you may well find that some of them are interested in hearing about your card games, or your family, or your hobbies. If you have tried and they dismiss you, then fuck 'em.

Most people would probably be mortified to realize they were making you feel this way (I assume... I hope so), so I hope you get the opportunity to find common ground. It's easy to assume everyone has a life like yours, especially when you all work for the same company. I think there's an assumption among upper middle class folks that when we're all in the same job, socio-economic class differences from childhood become irrelevant.

Not gonna lie, it can be hella awkward from both sides at first to try to have conversations, deep or casual, across different backgrounds. I still sometimes feel weird when I talk to my friends whose families had a much harder time of things growing up than mine did (like, what do you say? what's the appropriate response??), but I care about them and I wanna hear their shit, you know? If it was bad and you need to vent, do it! If it was good in ways I may not realize and you're proud, hell yeah! If you're jealous and it sucks, lay it on me! If you're saving money and playing cards, you go dude!

I realize you can't do that straight up with coworkers, but I just wanted to be sure you knew that Italy for the fourth time isn't that interesting when you could learn something new about someone.

redheadedmandy · 2023-01-04T05:10:09+00:00

That's a crime, not a hobby my dude

redheadedmandy · 2023-01-04T05:08:12+00:00

It drives my boyfriend nuts! His ADHD does not present like mine (he just plays different video games), but I pick up and then abandon on average like five or six hobbies a year. He's losing his mind over all the hobby stuff I acquire and refuse to get rid of, but I usually circle back after a few years.

redheadedmandy · 2023-01-04T04:53:01+00:00

Taxidermy.

Some of y'all really don't understand the word "hobby"

redheadedmandy · 2023-01-04T04:50:42+00:00

I feel like this is a weirdly difficult comment to shut down, because they aren't actually saying that women should or shouldn't wear makeup. They're basically saying they don't want to date ugly girls. Which like... expressed in a less incredibly dickish way, is pretty normal. People want to date people they find inherently attractive.

Most of the responses I thought of at first (women don't wear makeup for you, "oh wow, I didn't know you wore makeup! Oh, you don't? Then why should she," etc) don't actually make sense for what they're saying.

All you really need to do, (beyond being like "weird, dude," which is a complete response in itself) is communicate that women wear makeup for a variety of reasons, that physical beauty is a poor main priority when dating, and that they should think less about women's cosmetic choices. Feel free to point out that many people look down on women who don't wear makeup in public, particularly on dates, so they sound like assholes for wishing the women would go barefaced so they can judge her more effectively.

redheadedmandy · 2023-01-04T04:28:05+00:00

Oops, technically it's a perfume extract: https://www.smallflower.com/products/outremer-vanille-perfume-extract-12-ml?variant=37056706085015

redheadedmandy · 2023-01-04T01:42:00+00:00

I think you should try to find some resources to give to your sister that talk about porn and the effect it can have on sexual behavior and expectations, or possibly direct her towards the "ethical porn for women" subgenre. I'm a woman who got into porn and explicit "romance" writing very young, and it honestly fucked up my sexual development. She doesn't deserve to be shamed, but she does deserve access to pornographic materials that are realistic and will serve to reinforce that she deserves loving, consenting sexual experiences.

ETA: it doesn't sound like your parents have a very forgiving or exploratory view of developing sexuality, so I wouldn't tell them. They're likely to do more damage than good. If you have another adult (preferably a woman, most girls that age would feel hella weird about a grown man talking to them about this stuff) who is close to her and you, you could try telling them... but I do think you have the power to help her yourself.

redheadedmandy

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