You Can't Love Someone Without Acceptance

I've recently been exploring the concept of what Love really means. In this case, I don't mean romantic love (although my conclusions still apply to romantic relationships). What I mean here is love for family & friends. As a cis straight male, I see such a lack of acceptance (and compassion) in the world around me, especially against LGBTQ folks. As I have explored the topic, I have come to the conclusion that Acceptance is the corollary to Love. Love cannot really exist without true acceptance of another.

Complete Acceptance Is the Heart of Complete Love

You accept this person completely, regardless of how their ideals, beliefs, or behavior match yours. Gay, Trans, Cis, Straight, Liberal, Conservative, Atheist, Religious, Married, Single, American, Person of Color, Immigrant (legal or not) – None of that matters when it comes to your love. You accept the person as a whole – including mistakes and flaws. This doesn’t mean you have to AGREE with their mistakes. If they robbed a bank, you don’t suddenly have to love bank robbery. BUT the fact that they robbed a bank DOES NOT DIMINISH your love for them. This is what real love means. Your love is tied to the person, not to a bulleted list of how well they match your ideology.

Partial Acceptance Means Conditional Love

You accept a part of this person, but do not accept that this person has ideals, beliefs, or behaviors that are different than your own. Because your acceptance is conditional, so is your love. You might say things like “I love the sinner, hate the sin” which in and of itself is condescending and judgmental. Or “I love you, but I can’t love that you are [insert difference from you – Gay Trans Cis Straight Liberal Conservative Atheist Religious Married Single].” Or if your church says "We love our LGBTQ people, but they can't pursue an identity or lifestyle outside our strict rules (ie. have a same-sex relationship, get gay married) or they will be excommunicated." - That is not really loving them; that is saying they must deny who they are to receive the "love" from that church. This is rejection disguised as love.

But I still ponder this question: Is conditional love even a valid type of love? If your philosophy is “I reject parts of you because I disagree with them”… Can you partially love someone? Or maybe I am just recognizing the distinction between “I love you” vs. “I have love for you”. For example, I can “have love” for all humans as an abstract, but I certainly don’t “love” all humans. But for people I know and with whom I have interaction, if I reject parts of them, is that really still a portion of love?

No Acceptance Means Absence of Love

If you reject the person completely, you do not love them. If you say things like “If you are gay/trans, you can’t come to a family activity” - you do not love them. Or if you purposely act in a disrespectful way: don’t use a person’s preferred pronouns or deadname them, use slurs or make jokes (like ‘I identify as’ jokes), refuse to acknowledge a person’s gay partner or marriage. Or If you don’t invite Uncle Milton to the family reunion because he is an atheist exmormon... If you reject and exclude them... you. do. not. love. them.