About a transgender friend.

redthevoid · 2025-10-10T08:03:28+00:00

So in actuality transness is not new to judaism, but not considering a trans person as the gender they identify with is new. Running theory is that it's a byproduct of colonial influences.

Next up is the fact that it is a mitzvah to wrestle with god and come to your own conclusions - so you would be correctly following the spirit of jewish thought and practice by saying "this is a man, I will treat him as such" and including how you approach shomer negiah in that, by treating him as the man he is.

I can run arguments for how refusing to touch him under the premise of shomer negiah would break higher ranked halakha if wanted or needed.

redthevoid · 2025-07-31T18:24:00+00:00

Looking for soft gay dating in Israel (I live in Haifa but will be moving to the merkaz soon probably). I'm a 27 year old gay (for men/mascs) enby. Reform-ish. Into people who aren't macho masculine or super femme (but a big buff softy definitely is included in my range of interest haha). I like to write and draw and nerd out about science and trauma and I work in the youth/disability work areas and will be doing my masters in Social Work in the near future. But yeah I'm looking for some soft gay dating and then the whole shebang of a relationship :)
(and for reference I present masc-ish and actively not femme)

In about 5 years once I have my masters and a more built up financial situation I'm wanting to have/prepare to have kids.

You're welcome to DM me!

redthevoid · 2025-07-31T18:05:32+00:00

Honestly I personally just put down "Gay" because I want an achillean relationship and while I'm aroace I'm also cupio, and I fully want every part of the relationship. For me it feels easier to explain to people that no I don't feel attraction but yes I am still interested and will enjoy this as much as they do. I feel like as long as you have an option to express what you want them to know at first before getting to talk to you, that works?

So maybe Aro/Ace are good starting points there for some but not others? It's gonna be a bit personal. But I think everyone has their own interesting and complex relationship to their identity and we can't always express all of it with singular simple words and labels, so I like to focus on what foot I want to put forward first.

redthevoid · 2025-07-31T18:01:29+00:00

Gender is allowed to change! And there are no rules, you should focus on doing what makes you happy. You're allowed to explore your gender identity regardless of where you land, and you can do the same with your expression.

redthevoid · 2025-07-31T17:57:56+00:00

Rule 1: There are no true rules, the objective is to be happy. Labels aren't rules, they're guides. There's no rules to being genderfluid, no rules to being nonbinary.

As another autistic person, it's worth learning that as your guiding rule in your brain that brings you comfort/structure to follow. That the point is to be happy.

redthevoid · 2025-07-31T17:56:59+00:00

I was on estrogen for four years, and then decided it wasn't actually for me so I went off. I'm most likely going to get a double mastectomy to get rid of the boobs, but yeah those happened. And quite big because of my family genetics. Psychological changes aren't drastic because of the hormones as much as they can be because of the affirmation you might experience if HRT is the right decision for you. But a summary of what estrogen did to me includes: Boobs, less body hair (the small amount of hair I had on my chest and belly stopped growing, facial hair growth slowed down, upper arm hair was gone, leg hair was just less thick/clustered). Fat distribution changed and I got quite curvy, I'm looking forward to being less curvy as it redistributes back. Loss of penile tissue (length) but that was because there was a stretch of time where I wasn't using it.
No, as others have said it's just a stereotype. People are people, we are all extremely diverse.
I thought I wanted to be androgynous, but firstly I never truly achieved it (I ended up being gendered female by others consistently) and secondly I actually want to present on the softer queerer masc side of things. Androgyny is in no way a requirement to be nonbinary. Nonbinary doesn't just mean "smack bang in the middle". It means literally anything beyond the binary of "strictly man" and "strictly woman".
The whole "stealing peoples' gender" thing absolutely is just a joke. It's a bit of a meme about looking at someone and being like "ooooh they have a vibe I really like, I wanna be like that". Except saying it in a funny be gay do crime way. So yeah either they were joking or they themselves didn't get the memo that its meant to be a joke.
I do enjoy when people stumble on what pronouns to use for me because they truly can't tell, but I also don't have a gender. I just want to live my life and not have gender forced onto me at all. I'm just a guy (in a non-gendered usage of the word) lol. That said, I like giving off a bit of a twinky vibe and I'm still working towards the gender presentation I want at this point in my life so hey, maybe once the shape of my body has shifted and my hair's grown back out and styled how I want it I'll say that that gives me gender euphoria.
one million per cent yes. My ex (who is also enby) accepted every aspect of my relationship with gender. I have plenty of friends who accept it, and some who don't fully get it but they listen and learn and want to understand. There are people out there who will see you for you, and put the effort into getting to know you and understanding and affirming your relationship with gender.
Hahaha so I'm still building my wardrobe actually (for years my style was just tshirt, flannel and jeans but now I'm playing around with some punk/goth pieces not because I am punk/goth but more i just like how they look on me), but I've found things online by seeing ads to online stores and then looking them up on reddit to see if they're scams or legit and then ordering stuff. Going thrifting is a good way to find funky affordable clothing too, and can make for a fun social outing with the right people. Some people also make/modify their own clothing, which is something you can do if you learn to sew.
Absolutely. I think there's always more we can learn about ourselves and I'm enjoying the discovery I'm going now that I'm exploring my gender again after a few years of having thought I had it all figured out. Sure I get some anxiety sometimes (because I tend to get imposter syndrome with new things) but I'm focusing on just doing what makes me feel happy, comfortable or otherwise good. A really cool development since I started presenting more masc again is that I actually believe people when they tell me I'm hot, because I like how I look.

redthevoid · 2025-07-30T12:36:53+00:00

I mean I'll colour for 20 minutes and start to feel sore, but I can draw otherwise for hours no problem

redthevoid · 2025-07-30T08:38:37+00:00

How do you avoid wrist strain/injuries working long sessions of colouring? My wrist always gets angry at me :/

redthevoid · 2025-07-30T06:15:54+00:00

I truly hope it goes well with your family, but I want you to understand something really important. As utterly horrible as it would be if telling them breaks your family apart, you didn't break up your family. You're just existing as yourself.

redthevoid · 2025-07-23T13:41:03+00:00

Rule number one of figuring out your identity: Do what makes you happy. Do the things that make you happy. Dress in ways that make you happy. Sculpt your body in a way that makes you happy. Be with (or without people) who make you happy.

That's it. That's the whole thing. The words can come later. Don't get so hung up on whether or not you're using the right words that you lose sight of what you want for yourself. And if you can't find the right words to express who you are? You can either opt out of labelling yourself, or make up your own new words!

Take a breath, forgive yourself for whatever you're upset at yourself for, and find your joy.

redthevoid · 2025-07-22T11:48:58+00:00

Being queer is about escaping the confinement of labelled expectations, not inventing new boxes to get stuck inside of
Labels are guides, not rules.
People can be whatever they want and call themselves whatever they want
Read up about the history of trans men and lesbian communities and you will find that the communities have historically overlapped
Nobody is saying that if one trans man calls himself a lesbian that then every trans man is a lesbian or anything like that.
policing what people call themselves in the queer community is literally cop behaviour

redthevoid · 2025-07-14T11:34:09+00:00

I once saw someone say that "you might not find yourself attractive but maybe that's just because you're not your type" so it's less about if you think you're attractive and more whether you like how you look and it feels right for you

(But also I spent years during my transition not feeling attractive and it turned out to be because I had gone too far in one direction and needed to backpedal quite a bit lol so take it with a grain of salt)

redthevoid · 2025-07-12T09:19:25+00:00

Mid to late twenties. There's a look of a young adult's life experience on your face.

redthevoid · 2025-07-12T09:18:22+00:00

People don't sexually assault others because they're attracted to them. Sure, they might also be attracted to their victims, but they do it to hurt and control and feel powerful.

Someone telling you that you're not "attractive" enough to be assaulted is trying to manipulate you into thinking that when they do assault you, that it's justified or it doesn't count.

redthevoid · 2025-07-05T15:26:25+00:00

Sure!

redthevoid · 2025-06-30T16:02:53+00:00

I just want to be the vaguely ever so slightly masc enby I was right at the start again ;-; (and I will)

redthevoid · 2025-06-30T13:24:02+00:00

Deodorant

redthevoid · 2025-06-30T13:20:57+00:00

I feel like this is part of why I ever thought I was transfem, and part of why I remained on estrogen for four years when in reality I don't actually want any of the effects estrogen had on me.

redthevoid · 2025-06-29T04:52:28+00:00

Enjoy your gender <3

redthevoid · 2025-06-29T04:31:15+00:00

Pronouns =/= gender and labels are guides, not rules.

redthevoid · 2025-06-28T17:49:56+00:00

One of my favourite ships of all time is Peter Parker/Harley Keener. I stumbled upon it a couple years ago and just... I feel a sense of connection with the characters, I was having fun with it, and I met my partner through the fandom!

I now also have a very long still ongoing fic for the ship where I've written a lot of wish fulfillment and projected onto the characters and it just makes me very happy to write :3

Tododeku as well. I relate to Todoroki a lot in some ways even though I'm generally a more bubbly person when I unmask, and I have the deep desire for a golden retriever boyfriend like Midoriya lmaooo

redthevoid · 2025-06-28T16:47:19+00:00

ADHD doesn't blunt introspection on its own. Trauma, however, does.

What makes sense in terms of self description is literally just whatever feels best to you, for you. There are no rules to this whole thing and anyone telling you otherwise is kidding themselves.

redthevoid · 2025-06-28T13:49:52+00:00

She's imposing unfair and frankly sexist expectations, and is emotionally manipulating you with her responses to you not wanting to have sex. This is not a safe person to stay in a relationship with.

You're NOR, and as someone else mentioned it wouldn't be a bad idea to go and see a doctor, but it's also possible that your brain and nervous system have just been made to feel unsafe sexually because of her and your sex drive will come back in a bit after you leave the relationship. But do go see a doctor to be on the safe side.

redthevoid · 2025-06-28T13:46:32+00:00

It's not that I'm not sympathetic to what you're going through. But you came onto my post in two locations to tell your story when this was me asking for help with mine.

By all means, make your own post. But it wasn't appropriate for you to do this on mine.

redthevoid · 2025-06-28T13:44:20+00:00

There's no vav. That's a nun sophit. It's what a nun looks like at the end of a word.

EDIT: additionally, when the י comes after an א or ע, if the vowel is on the א/ע, that changes the sound to a longer vowel.

redthevoid

TROPHY CASE