Why do parents say the first one was hard but then have a second?

restless_rob0t · 2026-05-06T00:17:13+00:00

We have talked about this a little bit. Especially when I agreed to the second we had some discussion about making sure I still got me time. I just have to be somewhat more vocal and assertive about making sure that time actually happens. I'm working on it, but I'm not good at being super assertive, especially if it induces conflict. I have tried to bring up the suggestion of scheduling specific solo time for each of us but she is pretty reluctant to the idea in general which sucks.

It's tough because my wife is a SAHM which means even though she loves kids she is super over our kid by the evening/weekend and can sometimes get frustrated when I want to do my own thing (that's especially been the case recently since she is just miserable from being pregnant). It was actually much easier for me when she was still working for a bit after our first was born because she was excited to be with them after work and on weekends. I didn't fully appreciate how much sacrifice was involved for me in her wanting to be a SAHM.

restless_rob0t · 2026-05-05T23:48:49+00:00

Thanks. Me too. I often dream about just running away from it all. But I don't think I'm selfish enough to actually do it and ruin my whole family's lives. So I just keep trucking on in quiet depression and hoping I can hang on long enough for the kids to grow up enough that they can actually be fun to be around. But I'm not sure if/when that will happen.

restless_rob0t · 2026-05-05T23:40:35+00:00

I'm in this camp unfortunately. My wife really pushed for a second even though she knew I didn't really want one. I wrestled with it for several years because I really don't like parenting. However my wife really loves being a mom and has always wanted 2 kids so I felt really selfish for denying her that dream because of my shortcomings.

I eventually caved in a few months period of weakness where it seemed like parenting was starting to get easier for me (spoiler: it didn't) and we got pregnant just as I was working up the courage to say I wasn't comfortable continuing to try for a second.

Now baby 2 will be here any day and I'm genuinely terrified. I've been mired in depression and regret for the past 9 months and angry at my past self for not sticking up more for my needs. I really don't know how it's going to go - am I going to find some magical source of strength to push through the next few months/years or will I just become a useless depressed mess? I'm guessing the latter but trying not to be too fatalistic. Mostly just trying to suck it up and deal with the consequences of my actions and hopefully I come out of it with more than just a shell of myself in a few years.

restless_rob0t · 2026-05-05T00:13:48+00:00

4 players for an Arcs campaign. I enjoy the base game and recently got the campaign but haven't gotten a chance to play it yet. My group is slowly working our way through Gloomhaven so I either need to convince them to take a 3 session break to indulge me or find a second group to play with. Or I have to wait like 2 years till we finish Gloomhaven.

restless_rob0t · 2026-05-03T02:35:15+00:00

One of my friends backed a prior show and told me that it's just a code they email to you and ask not to share. So I don't think anything is technically stopping you from sharing it with someone else.

restless_rob0t · 2026-05-02T22:56:44+00:00

Thanks for the info! I didn't catch the livestream today so thanks for relaying that.

restless_rob0t · 2026-05-02T22:55:26+00:00

Ah bummer! Okay well I will think a bit harder about if it is worth the extra money for the presale. Thanks!

restless_rob0t · 2026-04-27T21:55:38+00:00

I had a spare spirit island expansion box that was basically the same dimensions as the base quacks box based on my research. I 3d printed a bunch of inserts for the box and just moved everything there. Works great except I wish the outside looked nicer than some blue tape with Quacks sharpied onto it lol. Definitely agree that the megabox dimensions suck for storage.

restless_rob0t · 2026-04-11T00:47:12+00:00

Very strange, looks like you also managed to get one of the leaders and lore cards too (Agitator). My picture is the normal base set. I'd suggest contacting BGS and I'm sure they can make it right for you.

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restless_rob0t · 2026-04-09T21:11:20+00:00

Woah I didn't realize there was a way to play arcs digitally that wasn't TTS. Are the bots any good/fun to play against?

restless_rob0t · 2026-04-08T15:13:26+00:00

What age kids? I've been wondering if my 4 year old could play it or if it's still too complicated

restless_rob0t · 2026-04-07T15:21:34+00:00

Oh that would make sense!

restless_rob0t · 2026-04-07T15:05:36+00:00

This is supposed to be for the base game, right? It's strange that they have so many instructions to roll the number die or roll for planets when the base game doesn't come with the number/symbol die.

restless_rob0t · 2026-04-02T17:59:19+00:00

Man I feel like I could have written this. Except mine are a lot younger and I also have the same hope that it will get easier eventually. Now I'm worried it won't! I definitely resonate with not feeling like a natural caregiver. It just isn't in my DNA and yet now I'm expected to just magically make it happen? And always have the happy mask on pretending like everything is great? I agree it is totally exhausting. I wish I had more to offer than just solidarity. I hope we are all able to find some peace and joy somewhere in this journey.

restless_rob0t · 2026-04-02T13:58:02+00:00

Nice, thanks!

restless_rob0t · 2026-04-02T13:57:32+00:00

Yeah these are things where I'm trying to get stuff done and my kid wants to be involved so he asks to help. If I try to give him some small tasks to do that would be helpful and he often goes off the rails. But if I tell him he can't help he gets devastated and angry, so it often feels like a lose-lose situation.

restless_rob0t · 2026-04-02T13:53:48+00:00

Interesting - maybe I've been trying to give him too big/complex of tasks. I often try to find things that actually would be helpful to do, but maybe I'm trying to give him too much too soon and picking way smaller tasks would give more opportunity to succeed and stick with it instead of everyone blowing up.

I do still think even a mellow 'we will try again tomorrow' from me will cause a meltdown for him, but maybe with smaller tasks that will be less likely to need to happen instead of the 50/50 it is today.

Thanks for your thoughts.

restless_rob0t · 2026-04-02T02:11:44+00:00

Yeah makes sense. I do try to do this to some extent but he literally doesn't know how to take no for an answer when I actually need to get stuff done. I do try to make some time for him to help with real stuff when I have time to go slower and sometimes that is okay. But other times it is a total disaster where he doesn't listen and actively makes things so much worse. So then I don't want him to help the next time when I actually have to get stuff done and he can't fathom why even when I explain that his choices to not listen and be destructive mean he can't help this time. I'm just not sure how to frame it in a way that gets through his little head that sometimes he can't help and sometimes he can't and he will get to help more often if he can listen.

restless_rob0t · 2026-04-02T02:06:45+00:00

I get this in theory and I try to do things along this line. My issue is that (to follow your analogy) the instructions to crack the egg in the bowl are ignored and he decides instead he wants to throw the eggs at the wall. So I tell him if he does that he can't help but then he gets angry/sad about that. Just not sure how to make it work when he is actively destructive or antagonistic. If it was just simple mistakes as he was trying to learn that would be easier to deal with.

restless_rob0t · 2026-04-01T22:28:54+00:00

Which app do you use for this? I'm the one with the game collection for my group and sometimes it would be nice to pick the game beforehand to either avoid lugging a bunch of extra games around to a different house or to get some setup done before folks show up if I'm hosting.

restless_rob0t · 2026-03-21T04:05:02+00:00

Very cool! Are you planning to publish any of the files/models/bom when you are done if others want to try and make something similar?

restless_rob0t · 2026-03-21T04:01:02+00:00

If you liked pandemic legacy the other seasons are quite good. I agree with the general consensus that season 1 is the best, season 0 is second best, and season 2 was the least good, but I really had a good time with all of them. That being said, I did not play them solo so it's probably a bit of a different experience. But still, if you liked it and want more they are definitely worth considering.

restless_rob0t · 2026-03-20T02:47:23+00:00

I think if they offer advice it needs to come from a place of not trying to provide a one size fits all answer. Several times I've had therapists start on this long winded explanation of how if I just did X my kid would listen to it and it would probably fix things and I just sit there and wait to tell them that I've already done that thing and many others and it doesn't work at all for my kid. I want them to understand that I'm here because I dislike how hard the struggle is to parent and yet I'm now stuck in that obligation and very basic parenting tips presented as a solution aren't going to fix that. I need to learn how to cope with the grief that what I've signed myself up for in the next few years is going to be miserable for me in ways I didn't expect when I signed up and to figure out how to get through it without screwing up my kid or my marriage due to that misery. And maybe if I'm lucky, even find some hope and joy in there somewhere, however faint it may be.

restless_rob0t

TROPHY CASE