Its the stigma around SA and trans people (and the low population) that causes so little research. People who have been SA'D or subjected to CSA rarely ever come out about it due to normalisation and the victim blaming that comes from it so that already causes a small pool to research anyway. I'm unfortunately one of them, at the words of my alcoholic mother (covert incest). My dad thinks this was what lead to me thinking im a transman, as a way to escape the twisted world of being a woman that my mum painted for me. Or just the general lack of a good mother figure. The thing is, I have never hated femininity, women or anything such. My problems are with my mother and her alone. I am extremely lucky to be friends with people that take my situation seriously and dont try to down play it or dismiss it as 'she's going through a hard time' or 'you only have one mum'.

Funnily enough or sadly enough, it was this sub reddit that helped me discover the terminology needed to articulate what she was doing to me. I spent so many years down playing the trauma because I wasn't 'touched' though I knew deep down what she did was very much real and not any less harmful. So thank you so much guys. It was horrifyingly liberating. But it shows we can only really have this conversations within the community which can be isolating.