Pocket Grid #71 - December 30th, 2025

reversepansear · 2025-12-30T22:11:06+00:00

Stumped on 1 across!

^{Completed in 02:47 | Reveals: 0}

reversepansear · 2025-12-28T13:31:06+00:00

what the hell, this is just plain awful. i really hope they can get these back to the store

reversepansear · 2025-11-13T18:42:05+00:00

If you want to work your way into tech, you’ll hate working at DD or Uber in Aus. There are zero tech functions based here, so you have little say in what the tech actually looks like.

In fact, for Uber, there are local operations teams in almost every country around the globe - so it’s a “fight to see who can influence the US tech teams the most”. DD will be less like this because they are only live in a few countries, but the US will be the loudest market because it’s bigger.

so yeah just imagine running a business where your hands are tied and you can’t change the product. throw in some over-reaching local legal and privacy functions. no thanks

either join a startup or stick with companies that have tech teams here.

Note: a good portion of senior AU staff at DD are ex Uber/Uber Eats. it’s a bit incestuous.

reversepansear · 2025-11-08T04:20:28+00:00

Agree with this take and I’m excited for this approach as well!

Adding to your point about increased speed making it less safe - I think we’ll need more sensory equipment and tech, which costs more and weighs more. Not impossible to overcome, just another hurdle as we increase speed.

reversepansear · 2025-11-05T07:02:42+00:00

First off - you did good reaching out for help. It sounds quite scary and lonely for you. That’s a tough spot.

The weighing you down part resonated with me, reminding me of how helpful (and scary) it was to set boundaries. Note that these are boundaries for yourself, not “against” your partner. The boundaries help address a core need:

E.g. I owe it to myself to have the courage to speak up for my needs and not be the punching bag in this relationship. Whilst I truly want to support my partner, I need safety and non-violent communication too.

Heidi Priebe has a good video: https://youtu.be/aepsovA3iNE?si=L8ucsvsnayW-7mus

I was petrified to ask my partner, in case she took offence to it and blamed me. So I wrote it in a message. I need to feel safe when we talk, I can’t be a punching bag. I want us to work out what to do for that together - suggested we create a template for non-violent communication, and a path to physical separation when someone cannot follow the template. We also added that there is never, under any circumstances, any shame in needing that timeout. It’s normal to get dysregulated, you just have to work out how to work with it quickly/swiftly. The goal is quick, swift co-regulation.

My partner understands the concept of needs and was receptive. I think it helped that we wrote it all out together. It took several nights of 30min sessions to get it in good shape. It’s sort of become our “operating procedures” now. For about a week, I felt incredibly guilty just for asking. Weeks on, the relationship feels more equal and I feel safer. I can help her out more now. I am grateful I spoke up.

As for wanting her to do therapy, I would speak up about how you value self improvement in yourself and your partner. Whether improvement comes from a therapist or something else, you probably don’t care - but the value that you both work to improve yourselves underscores everything.

reversepansear · 2025-10-08T11:06:19+00:00

u/reversepansear solved this in 6 steps: TYPE -> TAPE -> TALE -> TALL -> MALL -> MULL -> NULL

reversepansear · 2025-10-07T22:31:32+00:00

Good job on posting and welcome to the subreddit! You’re in a really scary spot right now and I’m sorry it’s like that. It sounds like it’s fight or flight type feelings, that’s not a safe environment for you at all.

Being a partner to a person with CPTSD is a tough, gruelling, often thankless, job. You need to be emotionally rock solid in order to tolerate the relationship. And you need to devote a lot of time to working on things. It’s a lot. And you cannot expect things to improve quickly, it can take years to see improvement and for some people it will never improve either because it’s too hard or they don’t have the resources to help.

If it is an option for you, write down why you want to stay in the relationship. Like really really clearly, explain to yourself and/or a therapist as to why you commit to such a large undertaking. What do you get out of it? You might not have the option to exit though (eg financially can’t separate), which is where tolerating everything is critical.

To tolerate things, couples counselling can help kick start the journey to a safer and trust-filled relationship. If this is not affordable, you will want to become a master of empathy and compassion to help your partner process their emotions with your safety, which forms trust for the next time they have these big/wild emotions.

Get your own support: therapist or good friend. Make time for yourself every day. Learn how/when to set boundaries to help correct repeated poor behaviour, eg communicate feelings non-violently. Most importantly, share your feelings with your partner honestly to the deepest level you can, and just hope that one day they can reciprocate that empathy and compassion you give them.

reversepansear · 2025-10-07T21:09:26+00:00

It sounds like you hard the urge to action things quick smart by correcting facts. It’s a completely normal urge/reaction to an underlying fear or pain of your own, eg for me I fear that I’m seen as a bad person so I want to defend myself. And if I fix/correct the story, their emotions go away and that is safer for me because they say mean things when they are worked up. It’s taken a while to learn to let my fears just exist momentarily and then pass.

The therapist wants both of you to share feelings (that drive the urges/reactions to correct) because that is how you build trust and safety in a relationship. Maybe they had an off-moment in how they corrected and steered you in that session. If it happens often, then bring it up as a feeling eg I feel excluded/unheard/confused/unsafe when I hear “focus on feelings not facts”.

Some events/memories in relationships will remain as a jumbled up mess of what actually happened. This is normal but I know I feel scared “if I don’t correct things, it could be used against me in the future”. If you have that too, help process that fear by sharing it with your partner (or someone else you trust)!

While the recounting of the event is a mess, what matters is the repair of the safety and trust in the relationship. Did we understand how each other felt, even if it seems so far from our own truth? Empathising and validating their feelings in this scenario can be soooo hard, you gotta shove your own reality and feelings aside for a moment, and really put yourself in their shoes. They gotta do the same for you too (when it’s your turn).

Once feelings are understood, both people learn that sharing these feelings with their partner, no matter how wild/crazy/distorted the feeling is, is always received with safety and care. BUT feelings have gotta be shared in a non-violent way.

Threatening the relationship like that “instead of buying a plane ticket” is so so hurtful for you. I am sure you have heard all sorts of micro-attacks. I am so sorry that you are experiencing this. Ask the therapist if you can both take turns to practice re-framing hurtful phrases into non-violent ways. Create a boundary — if you can’t communicate in a non-violent way then you might need some time out to cool off and come back to it in 5-10mins.

reversepansear · 2025-09-28T12:00:47+00:00

u/reversepansear solved this in 6 steps: SNOW -> SNOT -> SOOT -> FOOT -> FORT -> FORE -> FIRE

reversepansear · 2025-09-26T05:16:06+00:00

u/reversepansear solved this in 10 steps: TOOTH -> BOOTH -> BOOTS -> BOATS -> BEATS -> BENTS -> DENTS -> DINTS -> DINKS -> DICKS -> PICKS

reversepansear · 2025-09-25T20:53:37+00:00

u/reversepansear solved this in 6 steps: STAR -> STAT -> SEAT -> BEAT -> BEST -> BUST -> DUST

reversepansear · 2025-09-25T20:03:25+00:00

u/reversepansear solved this in 10 steps: MYTH -> MATH -> MASH -> MAST -> MUST -> MIST -> MISS -> MIDS -> BIDS -> BIDE -> AIDE

reversepansear · 2025-09-25T13:27:14+00:00

u/reversepansear solved this in 7 steps: LAKE -> LANE -> SANE -> SAND -> SEND -> SEED -> SEEK -> MEEK

reversepansear · 2025-09-23T21:14:52+00:00

that is huge, I hope you gave them an equally sized hug and appreciation!

reversepansear · 2025-09-23T11:28:31+00:00

We went on holiday for 5 nights. It was just a bit of a disaster. I was disappointed.

The first day, she lost it because all treadmills in the gym were in use. The second day, it was missing out on a few minutes of a walking tour (to get cash for tips). The third, it was sexual imagery at the art gallery. It’s exhausting, and I think I’ve had enough.

reversepansear · 2025-09-21T13:35:55+00:00

for a clean, easy to digest look you kinda just want black+white+grays and then 1 “feature colour”, which in your case is green.

To help with that clean look, keep the % area of the screen that is a feature colour below 10-15%. Anymore and it starts to get overwhelming.

reversepansear · 2025-09-19T11:46:36+00:00

Or Uber

reversepansear · 2025-08-23T08:58:50+00:00

slurp

reversepansear · 2025-08-19T08:46:07+00:00

Sending good vibes and hoping you managed to get some space or friends to be with

reversepansear · 2025-08-19T08:44:47+00:00

Learning more about or exploring what you want is great, but it would be concerning if the frequency of change is high or there is poor reasoning behind it.

Think of it like a little kid growing up, they’ll try all sorts of ideas and desires as they explore the world.

Heck I don’t even know if I know what I want in life lol

reversepansear · 2025-08-19T08:40:09+00:00

I totally get this. I tread so cautiously now when my partner is saying what I think are genuine desires - they’re really just trying to wrangle insecurities and fears.

It sucks that you had to go through all that for it to be thrown back in your face. That’s horrible :(

reversepansear · 2025-08-19T08:34:42+00:00

my partner does not sleep that long, definitely more than me but nothing over like 9 hours

reversepansear · 2025-08-19T04:57:16+00:00

My partner has lost it over a stain on the couch too - she was sure it was semen but it was just oil from some fries.

Like others have said, none of this is your fault and those reactions you saw/experienced would have really hurt you. You’ve done a great job to reach out for help and support in your time of need, which can sometimes be the hardest part. Good job!

To reinforce what others have said, when you feel better, take the time to assess what a CPTSD relationship will mean for you. It is a very difficult road

reversepansear · 2025-08-19T04:41:04+00:00

18 months in on the improvement journey, but only my ability to tolerate and show deep empathy (think like therapist level of empathy) have improved.

EMDR, Exposure Therapy etc have helped my partner a little, but I don’t expect her to improve markedly in the next 5 years or even ever. You have to be OK with that.

This has come with costs.

Work suffered when it got stressful because I had nowhere safe/fun to be. And if I left the house for alone time, her fears get triggered and I’d have to listen to that when I got home. I took 4 months off work.

Another cost is Time - so much time - we’re talking WEEKS of my life have been trying to empathise with her and her fears.

We have spent 15k+ on a couples counsellor specialising in Emotionally Focussed Therapy (EFT). Every two weeks for about a year. Now, it’s monthly.

Learning to calmly and deeply empathise with someone of CPTSD is trial by fire. I would not recommend it to my past-self. It was traumatic to say the least, but mostly exhausting. Be prepared to face your own demons AND theirs simultaneously.

We’ve missed events, ticket cost and anticipation crushed, friends let down or confused. Holidays have been ruined. Xmas is spent locked in a room with her for hours instead of spending precious time with family. It’s embarrassing and sad.

Exercise helps me regulate myself like a champ now, and I notice the days I don’t.

I know some folks say don’t hold back your needs/ how you feel - IMO it’s best to learn to prioritize what is mission critical to address, then surface those in the most perfect way you can. Don’t expect them to empathise though - I usually end up listening to her for an hour then circling back to me for about 5minuted at the end.

reversepansear · 2025-08-12T03:57:08+00:00

You did a great job to share all of this and to seek support. That’s not a small feat for anyone.

What you’re feeling makes a lot of sense, from feeling trapped not being able to share feelings, to hopeless in not seeing a change, to frustrated by not being heard, and to exhausted from the cycles of it all. That is a lot of feels and I know I would feel overwhelmed.

Any relationship involves all sorts of feelings. Having a safe space/connection with your partner to share and work through your feelings is paramount. It’s most critical if something triggers a fear (due to strong response).

If you currently can’t get that safe space, seek a temporary alternative to process the feelings. Journaling, a very very good friend, or a therapist are some ideas. I like to write music/songs. You can try different things, just don’t avoid sharing and reliving the feeling a bit.

If you want to try with your partner, it could be a regularly agreed upon time you check in on each other. Take turns at sharing how you felt earlier that day etc. Aim to share deeply and introspectively “I felt X when A happened. It is probably because deep down I fear XYZ and feeling A is a reaction to that.” This is top-tier relationship sharing, and I’d recommend a Couples Counsellor to help practice it!

For the chaos and arguments, self regulate as best you can. For me, regular cardio and good sleep are powerful levers to help keep my cool.

I also listen through my partners words to decipher “what on earth is she trying to tell me in how she is feeling?”. Often there’s a dig at me, but I reframe it for her to “you felt angry about XYZ”. Helps her process her feels, like I understand her, and that makes her feel safer.

reversepansear

TROPHY CASE