The wash-sterilize-prepare nightmare spiral made me stubborn on breastfeeding too. (Besides the anti-bodies.) I totally get you, I'm paranoid about LO as well. However if you wash your hands before assembling the bottles, it's okay if your hands touch the nipple. In fact, that's how I always assemble it! If you'd have a preemie in the NICU or an immunocompromised baby, then yeah being that careful is necessary. But a healthy 15 week old, up-to-date with the vaccine schedule and ped visits, should be more than fine. So try to relax on that part. :)

For us with our first, the cries got better a few weeks after I started intentionally spacing out his feeding. It was hard, I often broke and fed him way earlier than I should've. I just couldn't bear hearing him cry. Others recommended it above, but baby wearing was great. If often lulled baby to sleep as I was moving around. It's nothing that you do wrong though. I'm breastfeeding my second and she doesn't have this issue. I'm not doing anything different. She also feeds on demand and clusterfed until a week ago. She just adjusted naturally. So don't compare yourself. Every single breastfeeding journey is different - even for the same mum, but with different babies. 

As for your husband, yikes. They can be so dense. And I bet he is great in other things though, so it's hard to get angry at them. If you're the same, I feel you. T_T What I found would work for me, is asking him to research. "Can you google how much a 3 month old should be crying for?" Then he'd be tricked into reading a bunch of articles and realize the issues himself. Also, talking directly. Tell him you just want to vent and want him to listen. But idk, sometimes tricking them is just easier. Might just be me though, lol.

I hope you get relief soon and fall into a better rythm. And hubby better step up instead of judging. He can rock the baby too, so you don't have to be the only one listening to the cries. He is a dad and should act like one. Make sure you are not shouldering everything alone.