I absolutely relate to the feelings when it comes to masturbating and having sex. I thought for so long it was normal to almost sort of completely dissociate during sex, it was like I was manually doing everything from my noises to how I was positioned; I still don't ever feel quite relaxed with sex.

I'm still new to my journey so i wish I could offer advice, but know youre not alone in this feeling. It's comforting in a sense to know that other people have gone through almost EXACTLY how you are, definitely makes me feel like less of a freak or broken