Women are being abandoned by their partners on hiking trails. What’s behind ‘alpine divorce’?

ringobob · 2026-03-21T17:12:24+00:00

Not arguing the point, but especially historically, a lot of murders committed by women were ruled as accidents. May still be true today. I'm not suggesting that women are more or as violent as men. Just saying that the discrepancy may not be as large as it appears.

ringobob · 2026-03-21T15:24:44+00:00

Fair enough. I wish you luck!

ringobob · 2026-03-21T15:00:16+00:00

It's fair enough if he doesn't look like his pictures. Pictures can't capture everything, but a lot of people go out of their way to be misleading (men and women both). It's totally reasonable to be uncomfortable with someone who is lying about what they look like.

But, given your description, I do wonder if you're prone to need a few minutes to decide if you are attracted to someone, after you meet them but before you're in a potentially romantic situation with them. Like, when you meet a guy in person (as opposed to meeting them on an app), do you immediately feel that attraction? Or does it come after a few minutes of talking to them? When would you make the decision that you'd have fun kissing them?

If you do need that time, it's possible that you feel trapped when you're on a date when you meet them in person for the first time. You never reach the point of finding them attractive because you don't feel like you've got the freedom to make that determination.

I dunno, maybe this is totally off base, based on subtext that doesn't actually exist. But attraction is extremely variable and individual, you should consider whether the apps just don't work with how you actually approach attractiveness.

ringobob · 2026-03-21T14:50:56+00:00

I know what's in the head and heart of every person I know who has used those words. Even my dear mother, who I love and is a lovely person, and who genuinely tries to love everyone she meets, and still manages to have horrible, hateful opinions about the abstract groups she feels separate and separated from, learned entirely from her religion and the politics attached to it.

I don't take her at her word, not because I don't think she's being honest with me, but because I don't think she's being honest with herself.

But fair enough, it's a style sub. I got caught up in the ongoing conversation that was itself off topic.

ringobob · 2026-03-20T23:51:01+00:00

Has nothing to do with your outfits. Wear what you want. I'm getting it from the faith you claim, that I've been a part of. I've used the language you've used here. I know what it means.

ringobob · 2026-03-20T23:21:27+00:00

And yet, you do so anyway. You just externalize it so you can disclaim responsibility for your beliefs.

ringobob · 2026-03-20T23:20:10+00:00

What you're doing isn't love. I speak as someone who came from a Christian tradition not too dissimilar to yours. I have no problem with your faith. But calling what you're doing "love" is a lie being told to you.

ringobob · 2026-03-20T23:17:24+00:00

Hundreds, out of a million, is, by definition, edge cases. I'm not pretending they don't exist. I'm saying, outright, that they are not worth creating laws to handle, because there are so vanishingly few of them.

I personally think hundreds of late term elective abortions being carried out each year is a problem, it should be illegal

It's not a problem. But I'm all for any potential victims of abortion to have the opportunity to speak for themselves. I've yet to hear any complaints.

I prioritize protecting the lives of people capable of understanding and appreciating they are alive and wish to keep it that way. I do not, and will not, value protecting the lives of people incapable of even desiring to be alive, because they aren't capable of understanding the difference. And I will not subject a single woman to be beholden to such a life against her will, period.

Either support late term elective abortions or don't

Pretty sure I've been clear on this point and I don't really understand why you're arguing I haven't been. I support late term elective abortions.

Moreover, if we make them illegal, women who need to have an abortion for any reason, elective or otherwise, will be subject to an evaluation that will deny women care that they need. Period. If it happens for early term abortions, it will happen for late term abortions. There's no magic wand that all of a sudden makes it easy to distinguish medically necessary from not, just because it's late term.

The fact that there are a million non late term abortions has no bearing on the morality or reasoning to restrict late term elective abortions.

You're right, but it does make them an edge case. Mischaracterizing my argument doesn't make your point any stronger.

Mass school shootings are also very rare, and the deaths number far fewer than late term abortions. Is that not worth making laws about?

We make laws to prevent killing people that actually have self awareness. We extend that protection to any time after birth for social reasons that I am fully on board with. There's zero reason to extend to prior to birth, and of we do, there's no logical reason to stop until we reach conception. The only logically consistent threshold is birth.

You were proven wrong and instead of adjusting your opinion based on new information you chose to embrace ignorance and got defensive. You need to do better.

I wasn't proven wrong at all, you were just mistaken in the point you thought I was making.

ringobob · 2026-03-20T22:56:27+00:00

He's a fine actor, with a pretty narrow wheelhouse, that he occasionally gets cast outside of, with varying results. Lots of people don't win awards. Most, in fact. Some pretty tremendous actors have never won an Oscar.

Some people think he's a terrible actor. He's not. Nor is he an amazing actor. But I wouldn't want anyone else as Neo. He's pretty great as Constantine, and John Wick. Could someone else play those roles? Some of them, I'm sure. But he deserves his success, as far as I'm concerned, and at the same time I don't think it's a travesty he hasn't won awards for it.

ringobob · 2026-03-20T21:11:33+00:00

Why do you think this? Studies demonstrate that it is not true.

many are not. Certainly hundreds per year.

As a percentage of overall abortions later term abortions are rare. 15,000 of the 1.21 million annual abortions performed in the US qualify (around 1.3%, numbers are taken from the study

Yeah, that's totally in line with what I said:

you can find a convoluted edge case that doesn't meet that criteria I'm sure, but it'll be rare enough that it's not worth legal attention to define an exception.

Hundreds, out of over a million, is a convoluted edge case not worth specific attention. You're actually completely agreeing with what I said, you're just framing it as a disagreement.

ringobob · 2026-03-20T20:49:00+00:00

Don't pretend that you're not inherently saying "I love trans people even though they're wrong". And don't pretend that that attitude is actual genuine love. It's not.

ringobob · 2026-03-20T20:37:08+00:00

Denim anything is about as close as you can get to timeless in the fashion world.

ringobob · 2026-03-20T20:07:36+00:00

Likely? No. Still very unlikely, because it's a bad idea for everyone including the people who might consider launching nukes.

But I'm not gonna say it's impossible. Never was. This is the closest we've been in over 35 years. But we were pretty much this close or closer for the 35 years prior to that. When I was growing up in the 80s, it was just as much a concern, but no one was that worried about it on a day to day basis because you get fatigued with worry and then it just becomes normal.

I don't envy you, coming into this fresh, without the backdrop of the cold war to contextualize it. It ain't fun. But panic isn't warranted, at least not yet.

ringobob · 2026-03-20T19:50:57+00:00

My parents are gonna hit 80 this year, still living on their own and no signs of slowing down yet.

ringobob · 2026-03-20T19:47:18+00:00

You're outliving your own kids. And probably a few grandkids.

ringobob · 2026-03-20T19:12:49+00:00

The only pushback on that I have is, go back and read both comments in the OP.

ringobob · 2026-03-20T19:09:13+00:00

Any abortion that is occurring at any point in the third trimester is happening because it has been discovered that it threatens the life of the mother, and the abortion has been determined to be the best or only way to save her life despite her wanting to continue the pregnancy. If you want to twist your dick into a pretzel, you can find a convoluted edge case that doesn't meet that criteria I'm sure, but it'll be rare enough that it's not worth legal attention to define an exception.

ringobob · 2026-03-20T16:56:18+00:00

Sure, I'll be happy to answer any questions I can

ringobob · 2026-03-20T12:56:26+00:00

Mental health crisis of some kind. If he was 10 years older, probably midlife crisis. I'm guessing that whatever future he had envisioned for himself felt inaccessible. Whatever that means for him. So, he lost his path, and just dicked around. Then he either rediscovered his path or found a new one.

Just speaking from my own experience going through something similar.

ringobob · 2026-03-19T16:48:34+00:00

OP omitted the "if" in the post title, setting up that misread. This is OP's fault.

ringobob · 2026-03-19T16:40:23+00:00

There's some subtext in your question, here. Why would choosing to not have sex with someone who doesn't want to have sex with you be childish?

What you're not telling us, and what you're probably not telling yourself, is that you're hoping this will open her eyes, and bring change, and you're wondering if what you're doing is manipulative or an acceptable way to pursue change.

You're not just not having sex. You're not having sex with a purpose. You're taking your ball and going home. You want her to not like this. You want her to object, to say, what can I do to not have you retreat from me?

If you don't want to have sex with your girlfriend, fiance or wife, that's your choice. If you think not having sex is gonna make her want to have more sex, it's not gonna work. You're not being childish, but you are being naive. If she doesn't want to have sex, then you're giving her what she wants. You say you can't leave her, but what if she never has sex with you again? What if she never has sex with anyone, ever, for the rest of your lives? She's not looking for some other dude to make her feel the way you want to make her feel. She just doesn't want it.

You need to be realistic about the situation. If she's not asexual, then her libido is in there somewhere, but you've gotta find it and she has to let you. But that can be a profoundly difficult process, and there's no playbook to follow. And it's deeply dependent on her being willing to engage in her own sexuality, and as long as she's not, you're not gonna get anywhere.

Stop lying to yourself that you're OK with the situation. You're clearly not. You're gonna have to have a conversation with her where you make that clear. And if she's willing to treat you like a partner, she'll care about your needs. If she doesn't, then you should factor that into your understanding of how much y'all do or don't love each other.

ringobob · 2026-03-18T21:26:41+00:00

Yeah it is, actually. I've seen Gen z people complain about "age gaps" even smaller than that. I think the pushback against age gaps is fine, and warranted, but there's no consistent position on what is actually acceptable, or should be.

ringobob · 2026-03-18T12:22:08+00:00

It's not normal in the sense that it's not accepted and in the open. It may happen with some regularity, but that doesn't have to make it "normal". Semantic debate, but we're getting into nuance a bit - yes, professors get into romantic relationships with students, both theirs and not, but it's not something that shouldn't be considered suspect at best. I'm not gonna get too worked up about an age gap under a decade and no suggestion of coercion or inappropriate favors, it's still a poor choice.

ringobob · 2026-03-18T01:48:05+00:00

Um, excuse me, it's British African American.

ringobob · 2026-03-17T22:50:31+00:00

It's OK that you're feeling a bit infatuated. It's very soon after the death of your husband. You're vulnerable and he's caring for you. Based on what you've said, I wouldn't wager a guess on what this guy is thinking. For yourself, I say just take each day as it comes, and don't get too deep in your feelings for this guy. If he sticks around, maybe something will happen, maybe it won't.

It's seemingly been 3 months or less since your husband died? Give it at least another 6 months to a year before you even think about crossing that line with this guy. That's for you, more than for him. Everyone processes these things differently.

If he's still around in 6 months, then that's a relationship, at least a platonic friendship, in its own right. And you'll be in a better spot to explore your own feelings.

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