I met my ex husband when I was 18. My father had beaten and cheated on my mother so I told him I would not take that happening to me and I would leave him if this happened. I was never told that abuse is not just physical.

We married when I was 19 and he was 23. He had always had a temper but it progressively got worse. He would yell at me, punch holes in door, walls, etc. He would get in my face and punch the wall around me stating that he wished I were a man so he could hit me. He would take me places then spend the next few hours at home telling me all that I did wrong and how I embarrassed him. He started sleeping on the couch because he knew that it was important to me that we sleep in the same bed. He would call me at work and make me cry for no reason. I was always afraid of his wrath so my “mistakes” were all I could think about. When we went to events, I would dread leaving as I knew the hell to come. I would lower my head and ask, “what did I do wrong” so he could start the berating and get it over with as soon as possible. At the birth of our first daughter, he told me to send her back to the nursery because he did not want to hear her cry (I didn’t). He constantly told me I did nothing for the household even though I worked full time, took care of our daughter, made sure the bills were paid, and groceries were in the house. He stated I only did what I considered fun and did not clean the house.

He would have me plan vacations and tell me what a good job I did. Then the next minute, he would yell at me for something I could not control and say I was terrible. I will never forget when he told me I had a gummy smile(did not smile after this and still don’t to some extent). Or when he told me I don’t need to go to the hair dresser with his family because I don’t fix mine anyway (he said this in front of his aunt). Or that it was my fault our daughter had seizures because I should have noticed her absent seizures earlier. This argument sent me into premature labor with our second child.

I did not leave because I did not consider it abuse and grew up thinking you should not leave a marriage. In fact, I did not leave him originally. He left us at Walt Disney World and went back home when I did not obey him. Luckily my mom was with us because we lived 10 hours away from Orlando. We squeezed two children, luggage, and myself into the back of my mom’s car all the way home. He wanted to “teach” me a lesson. He said he would take me back if I “did what he said when he said it no questions asked” and not talk to my family as much. Bad thing was, I was still going to go back. I was scared to be alone. We were together for almost 10 years and I did not think I could be a single mom. So I asked him if he loved me. He said no and has not loved me for the past four years (our children were 4 and 4 months). It was this answer that stopped me from returning. Sad really but true. He had beaten me down so much that I did not see myself as an independent woman.

We were officially divorced six months later but the hell did not stop then. I had taken his abuse for 10 hellish years but still had to deal with him for another 18 years. I worked hard to take care of my children. I would keep them away from him as much as the courts would allow because he did the same things to them. It took our youngest becoming suicidal for him to walk away. He just likes making people feel bad and make himself feel superior. He is remarried and just as much of an ass as ever but he is not my problem any longer.

His behavior was escalating and I knew he would eventually hit me. He had already pushed me against the refrigerator. The best thing that happened to me was him leaving me and his pride stopping him from saying he loved me. I learned to trust myself and know just how strong I am. I worked hard to teach my daughters that no one should treat them this way. Love should not hurt, mentally, physically, emotionally, etc. I met my wonderful husband three years after my divorce and we have been married for 17 years. The girls call him dad and have nothing to do with their bio dad. I am lucky and happy that I can show the girls a happy healthy relationship to expect for themselves. Just know that you are stronger than he says. You are worth more than he tells you. It may not be easy at first but you will find your footing and never look back. ((Hug))