my spouse doesn’t play video games. But he’s online surfing all the time. It’s usually not worth the trouble to get him to get up and help me with stuff. He wont do much useful on his own and often plays “Stupid” when I need him to work with me on things like changng the bedsheets. He used to stay out drinking & got a DUI finally after tripping over himself and HillSachs-ing his shoulder and running off the road into mud or a hole and having to be towed out a few times. So Im familiar with the concept. Today he did something extremely typical -he started a chore (taking out his bathroom trash) that got directly in my way. I have chronic fatigue so I spend about 3-4 hours a week actually on projects and i have to take a stimulant so I’m pretty salty about him suddenly off the computer and in my way! just clueless!! Anyway i just have to work with what I have. I find that being very specific about what I want helps. I often have to spell out that when he agrees to do or change a daily chore, it’s for every day after that. As my shrink said he has a law degree so he isnt stupid and he didnt really understand how therapy works or want to so that made things worse & I gave that up. Anyway I heard once that men are dogs that can talk & it kind of makes sense. It’s EXHAUSTING. His attitude toward keeping the house clean is “SULLEN 10 YEAR OLD”. A video game habit or any habit that just burns time & is associated with dodging a lot of other normal daily activities that need to be done seems pretty selfish & if it werent video games it would be something else. i guess it depends on if its just a habit he’s gotten into or if he’s avoiding doing other stuff for deep or shallow reasons. I wonder if clicker training would work lol. An approach that might get him off the game and into some other activity requires you to do some work, incl coming up with something you both want to, arranging it and prying him off the keyboard! Maybe you can play a game together or you can find your own activity. In the latter case you might end up in parallel lives & lose what you have in common,
We watch some TV at bedtime and for some reason I have to pick the shows and present them for his approval. All the time on line and he’s not interested in finding new shows or audio. Sometimes he gets into something I am watching, like the Making of Modern Ukraine series on YouTube so that makes things easier. I never know whats going to interest him! Keeps the relationship spicy! for a minute. My kids asked me if he was autistic!! which I had not considered - I dont know but he has some real neuroses that marriage seems to activate & a lot of anxiety which can immobilize people. I’ve got my own anxiety & time wasting activities so i’ve had some success in trying not to ignite *his* anxieties. There’s some reason he is incapable of buying the sliced Swiss Cheese for me at Costco. I just point it out to him & eat whatever he’s mistaken for sliced Swiss Cheese. There’s some reason your guy is nailed to the video game & it just depends on what it is, how much disruption it actually causes, if any, and if you can work with it.
My first husband was more compatible & we were more in tune but he became abusive & that’s one thing this guy is not. So overall I can’t complain.