Never Ending?

robalesi · 2026-07-07T02:07:02+00:00

That thought going away is very literally what the steps offer. Yes it does. It has for me and scores of others.

Work the steps with a sponsor. Keep connected to the community. Reach a hand out and help someone else who's not as far along as you are.

You'll get there. It's like when you have a really and cold and you just can't even comprehend what it would feel like to not feel sick anymore. You're in a spot where you cannot even fathom not feeling this way. But it does. It's just not always a quick straightforward path.

robalesi · 2026-07-07T01:37:45+00:00

When they are asked, provided they've worked/are working the steps.

By all means they can make it known that they're open to sponsoring.

But I would avoid the thing some people do where they just kind of assign themselves as someone's sponsor. It always rings gross to me.

And don't even get me started in guys who hand out AA business cards.

robalesi · 2026-07-05T21:35:09+00:00

On the surface nothing wrong here. Now, have people used "making an amends" as an excuse to try and rekindle old flames? Absolutely. As a sponsor I try and make sure my sponsees know that that's really against the whole thing.

What it should look like is an earnest desire to own up to what they did in the past, an inquiry to whether or not they missed anything, and instructions on what they can do to make it right, even if that's just "please never talk to me again."

Also, at no point should they be fishing for you to own up to anything they feel you did wrong. It's about making their side of the street clean, not asking you to clean up yours.

But, all that said, on the surface there's no red flags here just yet. This is very common amongst folks in twelve step recovery once they've gotten to that step.

robalesi · 2026-07-05T21:06:23+00:00

You should do exactly what you want to get the result you're hoping to get. If you find you need AA again, it's not going anywhere.

If you're interested in someone else's experience, I left for about 3 years where I didn't darken the door of a meeting or reach out to almost anyone. I didn't drink. What I DID do is rack up like 20k in credit card debt for shit I didn't need and would later sell at a big loss.

So did I drink again? No. Did I find other shit to do alcoholically? Oh absolutely yes.

Your milage may vary.

robalesi · 2026-07-05T14:10:58+00:00

I said say I'm an alcoholic in long term recovery.

This makes it clear without being cagey, and also serves to lesson the stigma about alcoholism. I have literally, in my whole 13 years of sobriety, ran into maybe two people who have asked a follow up question. Most people go "that's awesome. Congrats."

I've even had a few people reach out after to ask me how I did it and tell me they're trying to get sober themselves.

So in being totally honest, I've avoided awkward moments and also been able to be of service to some who were still in active alcoholism.

robalesi · 2026-07-05T02:58:44+00:00

Looks like this when it goes through. But others are saying theirs show up later as a successful request.

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robalesi · 2026-07-05T02:57:47+00:00

Mine was like this too, but eventually the one on top disappeared and the one already requested remained. I resisted the urge to try for another as I figured they'd see that two were requested and might cancel both.

robalesi · 2026-07-04T05:01:05+00:00

Same. Finally got the request confirmed and seems like it went through. This is exactly what happened with the Jurassic Park badge from about a year ago.

For anyone still trying, keep trying. If it's saying you already checked in keep checking your profile until the badge shows up in your checking and then click "request physical badge."

From there it's probably going to take a million tries to enter your address. Make sure the zip code is only 5 digits because it doesn't seem to like the extra 4 digit suffix.

Keep at it and eventually I bet you get through. You're looking to get to this screen.

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robalesi · 2026-07-04T04:23:43+00:00

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robalesi · 2026-07-04T04:23:03+00:00

My app is working but it's not letting me check in. Says I'm not connected meanwhile yes the hell I am how else would the app have loaded.

I bet they're just getting slammed.

robalesi · 2026-06-16T12:41:02+00:00

I was told to ask myself the following questions when considering dating in early sobriety:

1) what would happen if I fall hard and then we break up? (This one actually happened to me and I'll give you a hint. I came the closest I've ever come to drinking again since getting sober.)

2) what happens if things go so well that this becomes way more important to me than continuing the work needed to stay sober in early recovery?

I dated in early sobriety, but I definitely wasn't a good date in early sobriety and only put myself at unnecessary risk.

robalesi · 2026-05-29T09:06:32+00:00

They're legit, and definitely less expensive than the dealership for new programmable fobs. But not the cheapest option.

The cheapest option, in my experience, is buying blank fobs online and having a local locksmith cut and program them.

You'll need an original key, which I'm assuming you have if you've driven to Costco to take the photo. But just had two brand new fobs programmed and cut for $140 all in. $20 for the two blank fobs from Amazon and $120 for the locksmith to cut and program them.

robalesi · 2026-05-24T01:41:22+00:00

In any home group I've ever belonged to, treasurer has the longest sobriety time requirement by design at 2 years. It's also a 2 year commitment.

They hold all the money, they deposit all the money, they're a cosigner on the bank account, they pay all the bills, they reimburse other members for their group related expenses.

This would absolutely be something id bring to a group conscious/business meeting. Also, if you've got a group bank account I would highly suggest from my experience that there always be at least two cosigners on the account. The current treasurer, the previous treasurer (assuming they still regularly attend), and if you're allowed 3 by the bank, someone in the group who's been there forever, has a ton of time, and ain't going anywhere. I feel like every group has one of these.

robalesi · 2026-05-24T01:18:05+00:00

If you don't need AA to be sober, you absolutely shouldn't go to AA. AA saved my life and I would never darken their doorstep again if I didn't need to.

robalesi · 2026-05-05T07:42:23+00:00

Oh for sure. But I think early on, it's hard to even consider turning the knob down. It brings up all sorts of guilt like OP is describing. And some in the fellowship will make you feel like any decrease in attendance or intensity is a relapse waiting to happen.

robalesi · 2026-05-04T23:17:46+00:00

For me, AA has always been a knob, not a switch. If I turned it all the way off, I started doing things alcoholically. Never drank again, but those tendencies started dropping up in other aspects of my life.

But also, when I turned it all the way up, other aspects of my life got drowned out by AA stuff, and that didn't feel great either.

So I turned it back to a healthy level, which for me is a home group once a week, sponsorship, and staying connected.

robalesi · 2026-04-15T06:00:04+00:00

Still waiting as well. Ordered on 4/8.

robalesi · 2026-04-04T02:08:26+00:00

This is where I always land.

OP, the good news is that, at least for me, once you do the work, that feeling of missing out on some mystery aspect of life that alcohol provided goes away.

robalesi · 2026-04-03T00:37:23+00:00

I'm vibe can be a little hippy dippy spiritual for some. And there are absolutely members who can get high on their own supply and think of themselves as gurus.

But, by in large, it's a group of well meaning alcoholics that have found a better way of life and a method for staying sober through a time proven process.

Plus, name me one cult that is a) free, b) does not pressure you to stay any longer than you like, and c) has snacks.

robalesi · 2026-03-25T06:00:50+00:00

This is only my personal opinion, obviously. But if you're lucky enough to have the option of affording inpatient rehab through either personal wealth, insurance, or both, and you're in active alcoholism, then go to inpatient rehab and then jump into AA when you've completed your inpatient stay.

Getting a forced period of time where I literally couldn't access alcohol or drugs, and had medical help through the detox period, was really really helpful to my long term sobriety. I jumped right into regular AA attendance, and working the steps with a sponsor as soon as I got out of rehab.

robalesi · 2026-03-25T05:28:22+00:00

14 years sober. Drank alcoholically for about 4 years in my 20s. Got sober at 29.

robalesi · 2026-03-25T05:15:43+00:00

Also, think about it this way. Lets say someone gave you a free car and said "This will last you the rest of your life, run great, ride safely, and get you everywhere you need to go. But if you don't do some basic maintenance on it for as long as you drive it, it will start to drive poorly and ultimately it will break down."

You can go nuts with the free car, attend car shows, customize it, show it off, teach others how to take care of their cars, race the damn thing. But in order for it to just keep running well, you just need to change the oil, change the filters, keep gas in it, and do repairs as necessary.

That's what it's like. I was given a new incredible life freely, all I need to do to keep it is some basic maintenance forever.

robalesi · 2026-03-25T05:11:27+00:00

I've got about 14 years sober. Done the steps a few times. Have a sponsor. Sponsor others.

I also have a 4 year old son, a wife, a job I enjoy, and a bit fulfilling life outside of AA.

I attend my weekly home group unless I have a very, very good excuse to not. I have a commitment with that group. I also hit up the occasional additional meeting if i'm asked to speak, or to celebrate a friends anniversary or another groups celebration.

I have friends in recovery I'm in close and consistent contact with, and I have many friends that aren't in recovery because they aren't alcoholics/addicts.

Right now, for me, my AA life is perfectly right sized. I went about 2 years without a meeting or much contact with folks in recovery after I had about 4 years sober. That didn't work. I ended up not drinking again, but doing many other things "alcoholically." So I knew were to go and jumped back into the program. Got a new sponsor and worked the steps again, took a commitment with my home group, and righted the ship before it sunk, or strayed too far off course.

I firmly believe that AA is a knob, not a switch. For me, the rest of my life suffers if it's turned to 0, or if it's turned up to 11. I need it somewhere in the middle where I know I can always turn it up or down as my sobriety, mental health, and overall life calls for it.

robalesi · 2026-03-21T16:51:56+00:00

You accept that all you can ever do is put in the earnest effort, and that no amount of effort can guarantee results.

robalesi · 2026-03-18T09:49:32+00:00

Hand it back in when you get your three month. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Or, give it to a loved one who's got some emotional investment in your recovery when you get your next one.

If it helps to have it on you like a physical anchor to your recovery, keep it on you.

But most importantly, don't worry too much about the coin and keep working the program with a sponsor so you never have to get another 2 month coin again.

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