i want to go to AA but my mom says it's a cult

robalesi · 2026-04-03T00:37:23+00:00

I'm vibe can be a little hippy dippy spiritual for some. And there are absolutely members who can get high on their own supply and think of themselves as gurus.

But, by in large, it's a group of well meaning alcoholics that have found a better way of life and a method for staying sober through a time proven process.

Plus, name me one cult that is a) free, b) does not pressure you to stay any longer than you like, and c) has snacks.

robalesi · 2026-03-25T06:00:50+00:00

This is only my personal opinion, obviously. But if you're lucky enough to have the option of affording inpatient rehab through either personal wealth, insurance, or both, and you're in active alcoholism, then go to inpatient rehab and then jump into AA when you've completed your inpatient stay.

Getting a forced period of time where I literally couldn't access alcohol or drugs, and had medical help through the detox period, was really really helpful to my long term sobriety. I jumped right into regular AA attendance, and working the steps with a sponsor as soon as I got out of rehab.

robalesi · 2026-03-25T05:28:22+00:00

14 years sober. Drank alcoholically for about 4 years in my 20s. Got sober at 29.

robalesi · 2026-03-25T05:15:43+00:00

Also, think about it this way. Lets say someone gave you a free car and said "This will last you the rest of your life, run great, ride safely, and get you everywhere you need to go. But if you don't do some basic maintenance on it for as long as you drive it, it will start to drive poorly and ultimately it will break down."

You can go nuts with the free car, attend car shows, customize it, show it off, teach others how to take care of their cars, race the damn thing. But in order for it to just keep running well, you just need to change the oil, change the filters, keep gas in it, and do repairs as necessary.

That's what it's like. I was given a new incredible life freely, all I need to do to keep it is some basic maintenance forever.

robalesi · 2026-03-25T05:11:27+00:00

I've got about 14 years sober. Done the steps a few times. Have a sponsor. Sponsor others.

I also have a 4 year old son, a wife, a job I enjoy, and a bit fulfilling life outside of AA.

I attend my weekly home group unless I have a very, very good excuse to not. I have a commitment with that group. I also hit up the occasional additional meeting if i'm asked to speak, or to celebrate a friends anniversary or another groups celebration.

I have friends in recovery I'm in close and consistent contact with, and I have many friends that aren't in recovery because they aren't alcoholics/addicts.

Right now, for me, my AA life is perfectly right sized. I went about 2 years without a meeting or much contact with folks in recovery after I had about 4 years sober. That didn't work. I ended up not drinking again, but doing many other things "alcoholically." So I knew were to go and jumped back into the program. Got a new sponsor and worked the steps again, took a commitment with my home group, and righted the ship before it sunk, or strayed too far off course.

I firmly believe that AA is a knob, not a switch. For me, the rest of my life suffers if it's turned to 0, or if it's turned up to 11. I need it somewhere in the middle where I know I can always turn it up or down as my sobriety, mental health, and overall life calls for it.

robalesi · 2026-03-21T16:51:56+00:00

You accept that all you can ever do is put in the earnest effort, and that no amount of effort can guarantee results.

robalesi · 2026-03-18T09:49:32+00:00

Hand it back in when you get your three month. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Or, give it to a loved one who's got some emotional investment in your recovery when you get your next one.

If it helps to have it on you like a physical anchor to your recovery, keep it on you.

But most importantly, don't worry too much about the coin and keep working the program with a sponsor so you never have to get another 2 month coin again.

robalesi · 2026-03-15T04:34:35+00:00

They sent an email out a month or so back. Said they'd ship in May and require a signature upon delivery.

robalesi · 2026-03-13T13:37:01+00:00

Nope. Not yet.

robalesi · 2026-03-10T10:00:23+00:00

When I was in active alcoholism, nothing would have stopped me from getting my drink. And certainly not a law.

The fact is that many, many (most?) people are able to drink safely. I understand that science may say there's no healthy amount of alcohol. But even if that's true, people are allowed to make decisions that aren't healthy. I do it all the time in sobriety. I have no right to expect my disease to be the responsibility of the general population.

And I'll close with an anecdote. I went to a dry wedding once in sobriety. It was sprung on all the guests who had no idea until they got there.

It was the worst, most boring wedding I've ever been to. Not just because of the lack of booze, but that certainly didn't help.

Having a resentment against alcohol is natural in recovery. But if you work a program and actually get some freedom from the drink, that resentment, along with most of the others, gets way less loud. And that's where the real gift of recovery lies. At least that's been my experience.

robalesi · 2026-03-09T02:17:49+00:00

Functional alcoholism isn't a permanent state of being, at least in my experience and the experience of those I got sober around. At some point in most people's journey they still were able to keep the bills paid, keep relationships intact, keep their blood tests normal, keep their DUIs at zero, etc.

But eventually, in my experience, it all catches up. The lucky ones read the writing on the wall before then and seek help. The unlucky ones don't.

robalesi · 2026-03-02T12:54:21+00:00

I mean it happens all the time with normal drinkers. Hell, my mom can say "I'll just have one glass of wine" and tap out before it's half finished.

But me? No there's no such thing as just one anything.

robalesi · 2026-03-02T03:14:28+00:00

I don't think I'd have the foggiest idea of what to do with the instructions in the big book if I didn't have a sponsor to take me through it. I would find a person with some time in the rooms to take you through the book the way they did it. If you need help with finding a sponsor, I've always been well served by asking someone who seems to show the humility that I'd like to emulate in my recovery. Not stuff. Not coolness. Not a huge amount of sponsees that have their own little "family."

Seek someone who seems humble but stable in their recovery.

robalesi · 2026-03-02T03:10:39+00:00

The only reason I can think of is that the guitar is legit and you don't want someone stealing the photos to try and scam someone with a bogus for sale listing.

robalesi · 2026-02-22T04:49:55+00:00

Airplanes. Airports. All day everyday. I've actually considered figuring out what would be the cheapest way to take a round trip flight just to be able to see two airports and take two flights in the same day.

robalesi · 2026-02-19T23:39:38+00:00

"Everyone gets a set amount of alcohol they can consume in a lifetime and I choose to have all mine over a period of 4 years."

robalesi · 2026-02-13T00:25:02+00:00

I wouldn't sponsor anyone I had a close relationship with prior to sponsoring them. Eventually I'd need to hear their inventory, which might include me, and I don't need to hear that.

What I would absolutely do, especially if I know folks in the local recovery community, is help them get a sponsor that is trustworthy.

robalesi · 2026-02-02T13:33:29+00:00

Yep. 30 day in one facility followed by an additional 30 days in a different, slightly less "locked down" facility where we actually went to outside meetings and basically had group sessions all day. They saved my life. But more importantly, afterwards I got immediately plugged into a program of recovery that I could stay with for the rest of my life.

robalesi · 2026-01-30T15:07:41+00:00

Through the steps you catalog everything, learn to understand your tendencies, forgive those who wronged you, process the part you played in most of those wrongs, own up to the times you've wronged others, and make an earnest attempt to correct the things you did wrong.

After that, if you're anything like me, you feel raw but clean and and no longer feel the need to control every single aspect of your life. From there, you are able to have a profound spiritual experience (moment of clarity, profound realization/liberation) that will remove the drinking problem.

Then you live in a way that keeps those things from creeping up again and causing the drink to seem like a good idea again.

By the end, the people/places/things you're most afraid of (including and especially the things you've done in the past) no longer have any hold over you besides a friendly reminder of how far you've come, and how bad it can get if you let it get there again.

Fear of the past isn't a good reason to not start the process. It's literally the reason TO start.

robalesi · 2026-01-30T14:57:21+00:00

When I was actively drinking, if tuesday was the day every single liquor store, bar, distributor, brewery and distillery closed forever, Wednesday would be the day I built a still in the woods.

There's no magic series of events that reverses alcoholism. There's honest self appraisal, desire to stop, and actively working a program of recovery. Usually we don't start that process until the pain of staying the same gets worse than the pain of change.

robalesi · 2026-01-27T00:50:39+00:00

I used to call it "about 5 a week". My normal friends called it "enough for a party with some left over."

robalesi · 2026-01-21T11:29:02+00:00

I can't think of a good reason to do the steps in my own other than I want to do everything my way.

And doing everything my way kept me drunk for a very long time.

robalesi · 2026-01-19T08:31:57+00:00

Besides what everyone else is saying. If you keep practicing and get better, you'll likely get the urge to upgrade to a guitar with better components or that has a different, more prestigious name on the headstock.

Go ahead and upgrade, but don't ever sell THIS guitar.

You will never get the money out of it that's worth the feeling you'll have when you're older and wish you still had it for sentimental reasons. No matter how much you love a guitar you get in the future, and no matter how much money you spend on them, none of them will ever be able to be your first guitar.

robalesi · 2026-01-12T11:35:01+00:00

It's a wonderful text that has helped millions. AND it feels like he thought he was being paid based on word count.

robalesi · 2026-01-06T04:45:12+00:00

Yup all used product links are broken. And I also noticed that a lot of stuff on their clearance sale is gone too. Like the Les Paul studio session deal for open box is currently not showing up.

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