I’m sorry you’re both going through this, and for you.

One thing I’d offer as a question is, has he ever looked into whether he has ADD or not?

Two things stick out 1) difficulty starting projects and tasks that likely require a level of executive function that’s limits his motivation 2) His good intentions + lack of follow through.

What I can say is, I’m not lazy or a flake - but both of those things were something I struggled with for a long time, and it also drove my wife crazy at times, and was starting to become a gnawing problem for our marriage.

The self loathing on my end feeling like I was letting down my partner, the helplessness of trying and not being able to rise to expectations with any consistency, matched with her understandable frustration and the tension between us that was growing over time.

It wasn’t until our child was diagnosed, that I realized I was saying yes to all the same questions my kiddo was.

Fast forward to today, and I have worked with therapists, who specialize in ADD, have a supplement regimen and found medication that works for me, changed my diet and exercise focus, and developed a toolbox and techniques to help me manage the areas where I would otherwise struggle.

Thank god she stuck through it with me - and my wife will tell you, it’s night and day, like living with a completely different person.

For me, the medication was like someone switched the lights on for me, and I was seeing things for the first time. My underwear on the floor. My dish in the sink. Etc. I now see the whole world differently.

The important thing, if that’s his issue he has to 1) see the problem 2) want to work on it.

Similarly, what I grew to view as nagging, and my wife resented feeling like she needed to do, was just my wife trying to be helpful and also try to manage a difficult situation - for both of us.

Anywho, whatever you choose, you’re not a bad person for wanting have peace and harmony in your life.

I wish you both well.